Flypaper Page #2

We're gonna make it here, gang.

Now, our primary objective

is to become a cohesive unit.

Sir, may I help you, please?

Our primary goal is to get out of here alive.

Okay, well as an expert

in standard bank robbery procedure...

There's nothing standard

about this bank robbery.

We have two heists going on

at the same time with a dead body,

which basically guarantees

that the bank robbers

are gonna come in here and kill us all.

-What?

-Don't tell me that, man.

That's some bullshit. I don't wanna die.

People, let's stay calm!

(SCREAMS)

Okay. Now, this bank opens at 5:00 a.m.

By that time

my colleagues and I will be long gone.

You're all locked in here, okay?

So, even if you were to get out of this kitchen,

you can't get out of the bank.

So sit down and shut up.

What if one of us has a condition

that requires us to use the bathroom a lot?

Yes, there will be bathroom breaks.

You will not try to escape.

You will not try to contact

anyone outside of the bank.

You will not make noise.

(BEEPING)

Really, a watch alarm?

What are you, like, in the sixth grade?

It just goes off every hour.

It reminds me to take my meds,

which unfortunately I'm out of,

-unless anybody has any Depakene.

-I have Xanax.

I got Ativan and Prilosec.

-I've got a couple of Ritalin.

-I might have a few Prozac.

-I take Adderall and Nasonex.

-Are you kidding me?

Shut the f*** up! I just said no talking!

-What's going on?

-We got Oprah's Book Club in here.

Hey, you want me to f*** someone up?

No, we're good. Did you hit

the cameras, phones and computers?

Yeah. You sure you don't want me

to f*** someone up?

Yeah, I just said I didn't.

Go get the Scrambler.

All right.

Jesus Christ, that accent is ridiculous.

JELLY:
Before we get started,

let's check on the other guys.

I'm about to start on the torch

in a few minutes.

Make sure the time-lock rig is ready.

PEANUT BUTTER:
This Sh*t is SO dope.

What the f***?

Hey, no problem, man.

We just come in to peep at your toys.

You is so pimp, man.

-Did you see my face?

-What? No.

Did you see my f***ing face?

No, we ain't seen your face.

Hey, hey, admit it. Don't lie to me.

You saw my face, right?

I might've seen your face.

Oh, God damn it!

-Yeah, I seen it, too.

-A very attractive face.

Shut the f*** up! God damn it!

You know what?

You two motherfuckers are like children.

You know, you're worse than my kids.

You do not know what you're doing.

Have you ever even robbed a bank before?

-Like dozens.

-Yeah.

We just pulled this job with

the Callahan Brothers in Dubuque.

-Now that was...

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What the f*** are you doing, man?

See, that's exactly what I'm talking about.

Don't tell me about the other jobs you pulled.

Don't tell me about the people

you pulled them with.

Don't rob a motherfucking bank

without a motherfucking mask.

Come on, guys, that's like, uh, Criminal 101.

It's like your tattoos, for instance.

-Oh. You like them?

-Check this out.

You can try and bind me,

but it ain't gonna hold.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, he didn't get it. Do it again.

No. No, no, no. Wow. No, believe me, I get it.

I think I need to speak slower to you two.

Generally, criminals try and minimize

their distinctive qualities.

So that they can't be identified afterwards.

Come on, guys, what the f***?

You can try and bind me,

but it ain't gonna hold.

Get the f*** away from me. Both of you.

Get the f*** out of here.

Get the f*** out of here

before I put a bullet in both your asses.

We're going.

You stupid motherfuckers.

(DOOR OPENING)

Now, I know some of you have

husbands and wives

that are gonna panic

when you don't come home tonight,

so we're gonna give you each one phone call.

You will tell your certain someone

that you're spending the night

at a friend's house,

and you will be convincing

or I will blow your genitals off.

Who wants to go first?

You? How about you? No?

Okay, you with the ugly tie.

Hello, darling?

Number two is toast. Three is up.

We're 49 minutes behind schedule. Four-nine.

WEINSTEIN ON RADIO: Copy that

Mother-roo.

All right, now you know

how I usually get the blue stuff, right?

But this, this was on sale.

I love how thrifty you are.

Maybe we ought to read the directions

just to be sure.

What is that, Korean?

No, actually, now that's Chinese, see,

'cause Chinese is a pictogram alphabet.

Is it? Well, explosives is explosives.

I, um, am not gonna come

to the airport tonight. I am really sorry.

My mother is sick and I'm gonna stay

with her, and maybe we can go tomorrow.

And I love you. Goodbye.

-I don't have anybody to call.

-Nobody? That's really sad.

Just kidding. Go f*** yourself.

This is the most pathetic group

of hostages I've ever seen.

-All right, sit down and shut up.

-Sit down and shut up.

-I just said that.

-I was just reinforcing your message.

(SIGHS)

Well, as I predicted,

they didn't kill us.

-Tripp? Is it Tripp?

-Mmm-hmm.

Would you like to apologise

for scaring us all half to death?

Why didn't they kill us?

Why do they have to kill us?

They're gonna go down for murder already.

Why not kill all the witnesses?

It's the same charge.

Frankly, that's what I would do.

Well, maybe each gang thinks

that the other one did it

and so they don't have to kill us.

He was deliberately shot.

Until we figure out who he is

and why he killed Jack Hayes,

we're all totally f***ed.

-How do you know his name?

-Driver's license.

You stole a dead man's wallet?

Mmm-hmm.

We're in. Gates, you're up.

Jesus Christ.

Remember when you just needed a gun

and a brown paper bag?

Tell me about it.

Do you see a clue?

No. I still don't know

what he does for a living.

There's no business card.

His credit cards and...

That's it, look.

Visa, Citibank,

but no Credit International card.

-So?

-So,

why was Jack Hayes in this bank

if he had no business here?

Maybe he was opening up a new account.

Damn it.

Let's see. Gordon and the

computer guy were over by the mainframe.

Madge was at her station counting money.

The creepy security guard

was standing by the door,

checking out the Swiss Miss,

who was sitting at the loan officers desk.

Kaitlin was at her station.

And Jack Hayes was...

No. Jack Hayes wasn't opening up

a new account.

He was loitering

at the cheque-writing counter.

If he was opening up a new account,

he would've gone straight

to one of the bank officers.

Then what was he doing here?

I have no idea.

Hey.

You are totally breathing on me.

What are you doing?

Hello, Tripp.

-What are you doing?

-I'm looking for a way out.

Did you not hear the part

where they said they would kill us?

How come you haven't had your ring fitted?

-Excuse me?

-How long you been engaged?

Most women would know the answer

right away.

Why are you marrying Max?

You don't even know him.

I know that he's rich.

I know that he can't match

your hunger for adventure

or your sense of humour

and doesn't understand you sexually.

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