Fools Page #2

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- Yeah, how do I know?

This food could be poisoned.

- Why would anybody...

- tell them to send

the old regular guy!

- Mr. hill.

Ow.

Jesus.

Fine.

- Transfer to

Metro trains and the south.

Doors closing.

Transfer to Metro and

south shore trains.

This is an orange

line train to midway.

- You really let this

place go to sh*t.

- I wasn't expecting you.

- You knew when my

plane was landing.

The men in Paris are a lot

neater, that's for sure.

- You should have

taken me with you.

- Don't be jealous.

- I don't really have a couch.

- You burned it.

- Thinking of all those

Parisian men made me crazy.

- Now where are you gonna sleep?

- Here, wait.

- Don't you have a dresser?

- I burned that too.

You can just move

things into the corner.

- Where'd you put the trash can?

- Okay, actually, those

are all collectibles.

- Do you not want me here?

- No I do, but,

you ripped my bongo

man number three.

- Bongo

man? Looks racist.

- He's the most racist

superhero ever created.

It was worth 20 bucks.

- I just wanted my

space for my things.

- Okay.

Sorry, I, here, let's move

some of my things over.

You smoke.

- Nope.

- I'm really against smoking.

- I don't smoke.

- Where'd you get these?

- This guy gave them

to me on the train.

This homeless guy, he

was doing this mime show,

you know, for spare

change, and he couldn't do

the mime while he was

holding his cigarettes

so I held onto them, then

he went to the next car,

and there was my stop,

and I figure I'd probably

run into him again on the train,

so I've been

carrying them around.

- He didn't have any pockets?

- You don't want me here.

- I didn't say that.

- He rides the blue

line all the time.

- My name is Sam.

- I can leave.

- I don't want you to leave.

- They're his.

- What's your name?

- Susan.

- Susan?

- Susan.

- The homeless mime guy!

- You've seen him.

- All the time.

I'll tell you what,

I'll hold onto these,

and when I see him again,

I'll give them back.

- Good idea.

- Let's unpack you.

- Who is this?

- That's my dad.

- I like his mustache.

- He left when I was little.

- Did you know him?

- He was a great actor.

- What was his name?

- You haven't heard of

him, he was a Soviet.

- That explains the mustache.

- Soviet theater, you rehearse

the same play for a year

in all kinds of conditions.

You immersed yourself

in the material

until it was part of your soul.

- Are you an actor?

- No.

He left me a book.

Elements of acting.

It's out of print.

Is this your family?

- No.

It came with the frame.

- You're kidding, because

I would believe it

if that were you

as a little girl.

- She just came with the frame.

- It looked like a real family,

there's a definite resemblance.

- Maybe they're a model family.

- That's strange, these

are all the same people

except they're older.

Maybe they're marketing it as

a more mature picture frame.

I hear they do that, older

families, more mature frames.

- That must be it.

- I wonder what

happened to the mother.

- How should I know.

Is this your guitar?

- No.

- Oh, too bad.

I always wanted to

know a musician.

- It's my friend Toto

Sobieski's guitar.

Hold on, I think he's

around here somewhere.

Oh, Susana, it is

I, Toto Sobieski.

I have come to play

a song for you.

- Pretty good.

- Pretty good.

- Yeah, it was all right.

- Rule number one of Soviet

theater, you must perform

in the adverse conditions.

- What are you doing?

- Grab a tray, come on.

It's gotta be cold.

Sing for me, sing!

- I don't sing.

- I'm standing in a tub of ice

water for you, sing for me.

- I don't.

- Jesus, I'm cold.

I know this place isn't

up to your standard.

- Well, I am a princes.

- You look like a Princess.

- I am a Princess.

- Princess from where?

- Hungary.

I'm a Hungarian Princess.

- I've always wanted

to host a Princess.

- Obviously built

your life on that dream.

- I'm really glad you're here,

you're a very beautiful woman.

- Can you turn out your light?

- Sorry, I'm making

this awkward.

- I sleep naked.

- It was the damn neighbor's cat

came in here, peed on the floor.

- That's funny, all

the windows are shut.

- Did anybody ever tell you,

you've got a nice looking ass.

- Mr. hill, it's

Sam from Goldenpal.

I have your groceries.

I'll just leave it here.

Mr. hill?

Mr. hill?

Mr. hill?

You really ought to keep

your windows locked.

Mr. hill?

Mr. hill, it's Sam.

Mr. hill?

Mr. hill?

- You cut your hair.

- You're thinking of the

old, yeah, I cut my hair.

Do you maybe want some lunch?

Let me help you with that.

- It's sort of a

reversal, isn't it.

- How do you mean?

- You feeding me.

I guess it was

your mother who did

most of the feeding, wasn't it.

- I'm not your...

- you always wanted a father,

and now all I want is my son.

Go on, yell at me.

- What for?

- Look what I did to

your mother's house.

What would she say?

She'd say, over my dead body.

I guess she had the idea

that I would die first.

Go on, be mad at me.

- Why don't you have...

- yell at me!

- Just one forkful.

- Be mad at me!

- Dammit, this place is filthy.

- Ah, that's not what

you're angry about.

- What am I angry about?

- About how I

treated your mother.

- Why am I mad about that?

- Well, you loved

her, didn't you?

- Of course I did.

- Tell me how mad you are about

how I treated your mother.

- I'm mad at you...

- for once, call me dad.

- Dad, I'm mad at you for

how your treated my mother!

What's that smell?

- Stuffed cabbage.

It's an old family

recipe from Hungary.

- That's my shirt.

- I know.

What do you think?

- Pretty good.

It's really good.

- It's the royal recipe.

I learned it from

my grandmother.

- What's in it?

- I can't tell you, it's secret.

- I definitely taste onions.

- No, there's no onion.

- And paprika?

- Paprika.

- I taste paprika.

- Paprika, of course,

it's Hungarian.

- Sorry.

- No, it was a

stupid thing to say.

- I'm sorry.

- You always make the

dumbest observations.

- It tastes good.

- Einstein thinks

there's paprika

in my royal Hungarian

stuffed cabbage.

- I ran into the mime today.

- Who?

- The mime on the train.

- Oh, the mime.

- I gave him back

his cigarettes.

You're welcome.

- Oh.

- And I come home

and you berate me.

- It's just I saw him too.

And he was trying to do

his mime but he couldn't

because he had to

hold his cigarettes,

and nobody else would take them.

- He should really quit smoking.

- How was work?

- Sort of a rough day today.

- I get so jealous.

- You get jealous?

- All those ladies at the office

dangling themselves on you.

- All the ladies are elderly.

- And you take such good

care of them, feeding them,

wheeling them around.

- Want me to wheel you around?

- I'd like to be taken care of.

- Well, it's awful that

a Princess has to work.

- These days, even a

Princess needs a trade.

- I forget what trade you're in.

- Cosmetics.

I'm an international

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