Fools Page #3

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cosmetics consultant,

why can't you keep

that straight?

- I get confused.

- I bet you've

forgotten again already.

- We should put on some music.

Where'd you put my cds?

- I assumed you had

them on your computer.

- I don't have a computer.

- You don't have a computer?

- Where'd you put 'em?

- We needed space, I sold them.

It's 20 dollars, it makes

up for the bongo man.

- You sold all of my

music for 20 dollars?

- They said they were

gonna throw most of it out.

It's for bongo man.

Everybody has a computer.

- How long are you

planning to stay here?

- You want me to go?

- Your family is royalty.

They probably have a lot

more things to destroy

at their castle.

- I don't have a castle.

- Still.

- I can't go back.

- Why not?

- There is a man...

- a man, like a suitor?

- I'm royalty on

my mother's side,

she passed away, my

father lost his claim.

He wants me to marry

back into nobility.

But I don't love the man

he wants me to marry,

so I had to leave and

I can't ever go back.

- Your father won't

let you come home?

- Not ever again.

- So then you're not a

Princess really any more.

I'm sorry.

I just like to listen to music.

- Maybe Toto Sobieski

could play for us.

- Toto isn't here tonight.

- I miss Toto.

- Cowboy Griggs

might show up though.

- Who's cowboy Griggs?

- Hold on, I think I

hear him riding up now.

My father's second rule,

you have to be able to

scream the words out loud.

- He's very rich.

- Who is?

- My father.

Someday, when he's

gone, I'll be rich,

and if you want, if

you keep me around,

we'll live in a castle.

- A castle?

- Wherever you want.

- That'd be nice.

- Keep me around.

- It's that darn cat...

- I know, the cat.

I'll say something

to the neighbors.

- That's what I wore the

night I married my ex husband.

- It's very pretty.

- You should see it on.

- Mr. hill?

Mr. hill.

Mr. hill.

It's getting a lot better.

- Over my dead body,

she would have said.

She said, you know, she

isn't worrying about us.

Say it.

- Say what?

- She's dead.

- She's dead.

- Who's dead? Say it.

- My mother, my mother is dead.

- She was my wife.

Don't you think I miss her too?

- I'm sure.

- What do you want?

An apology?

What should I apologize for?

- I don't want...

- what should I apologize for?

Tell me and I'll

apologize for it!

- Mr. hill.

- Call me dad.

- Dad.

- Tell me what to apologize for.

- You abandoned us.

- I worked, I supported you.

- You supported me?

You never even knew me.

- I'm sorry.

Forgive me.

- Okay.

- I always loved you.

- I cleaned out your bathroom.

I should probably move

on to your bedroom.

- Don't bother about the

bedroom, it's filthy.

- But wouldn't it

be nicer to sleep...

- I sleep here.

Don't go in there.

It's too filthy.

- Come in.

- Hi.

- Another late night.

You having trouble

with the round?

- No, I'm just getting to

know some of the customers.

- You know, we're only licensed

to bring 'em groceries,

household chores, we're not

insured for anything else.

- Yeah, I know, I guess I

just really like old people.

- Oh, I'm glad

somebody's having fun.

- You know, if you ever need

any help with the desk stuff,

I mean, if you felt like you

wanted to teach somebody.

- You keep charming

clients like Mr. hill

and I'll have to

make you a partner.

Go on home, get some sleep.

- I know how you like a picnic.

I can cook for you over fire.

- Just like old times.

- Just like our first

spring together.

- Was it this cold?

- Colder, but the

fire kept us warm.

- And we had the whole

park to ourselves

because nobody else was

crazy enough to be out here.

- It wasn't crazy,

it was romantic.

- It rained on us.

I told you it would, but

you insisted on staying out.

- It didn't rain, you

insisted it was going to rain,

but it didn't.

- We were soaked, when

you brought me home,

I caught the flu.

- It wasn't the flu,

just a lot of whining.

- It only sounded like whining

because of the laryngitis.

- Do you remember

the look on your face

when you realized you hadn't

brought self lighting coals

and we had no lighter

fluid, and it was cold.

- That's when I

pointed out to you

that hotdogs are precooked.

- And I asked if you

could possibly be serious.

- Until you realized that

cold hotdogs taste great.

Like bologna.

- Until it made me puke.

- No, that was another time,

you loved the cold hotdog.

- Our recollections differ.

- That's when Honolulu

Fred showed up.

And now I will scream

the words out loud

in an adverse condition.

- Remember when it started

to rain so you took me home?

- But first, I reminded

you of my father's

third important

rule of performance.

- What was that?

- You have to do the thing

that scares you the most.

- What scares you the most?

It's raining.

I'm gonna get in the shower.

It's freezing cold.

- I'm sorry.

- What are you sorry about?

- For getting you wet.

- You forgot one last

thing about that day.

- What was that?

- That was the first

time we kissed.

Are you embarrassed of me?

- What? No.

- You still haven't

introduced my to your mother.

- You want to meet my mother?

- Really?

- Really what?

- Ask her what we should bring.

- Mrs. Rantoni?

The front door was unlocked.

- In here.

- I'm just gonna drop

your food in the kitchen.

Mr. Vaughn, I made

you a sandwich.

Darn cat, huh?

- Darn cat what?

- Let's find you

some fresh pants.

I should probably head out.

- So, Susan, what do

you do for a living?

- I sell makeup for Chichino.

- Oh, you're a Chichino lady.

- You have such a

beautiful complexion.

- I hate my skin.

- If I may, I think you

use too much bronzer.

- I'm so pale otherwise.

- Pale is beautiful.

- Maybe you could come by

and make me over sometime.

Oh, that must be the food, Sam.

- I got it.

- Here.

- No, mom, I got it.

- Okay.

So, how did you two meet?

- At the grocery store.

I couldn't reach the breakfast

cereal that I wanted.

- I can't believe he

just brought you home,

you're already living together.

How long have you been dating?

- A week.

- A week?

- I feel like I know

so much about him.

He told me all about

you and his father.

I hope someday his

father comes back

to the United States

so I can meet him.

- His father?

- Soviet acting is so intense.

- Soviet acting.

- His father is an

actor in Russia.

- When I had Sam,

it was a very bad time for me.

I was a junkie, sweetheart,

I slept with a lot of men.

It would have been nice if one

of them had known how to act.

Maybe they would

have acted nicer.

I don't know who Sam's dad is.

Neither does he.

- Okay, we have

egg roll, broccoli.

- Sam?

Your mother said something

to me while you getting food.

- She really

likes you, I can tell.

- It was about your father.

- Oh.

- She said she doesn't

know who he is.

- I don't know why

she would say that.

- Do you know him?

- He left me the book.

- Your mother said

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