For the Boys Page #6

Oh, my goodness.

Another replica of his ship,

the USS Missouri.

- She never looked better.

- And no shelling the civilians, promise?

I promise.

And who's this lovely lady?

I'll bet you we have something really nice.

Well, let's see here. It's an autographed

picture of her husband,

personally inscribed: "To Margaret.

Best wishes. Eddie Sparks."

I'll cherish this for ever.

God, it isn't. Is it?

I don't have my glasses.

It is. It's Eddie Sparks.

- Have you been a good boy, Eddie?

- Don't do this.

Don't do this? This is what I do.

Don't be a schmuck.

We'll work it out under the table, all right?

Under the table? I can't work under

the table. That's where all the rats are.

And now, boys and girls,

it's time for Uncle Eddie's present!

Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Oh, look, Eddie. There's a note.

- Why don't you read it?

- Why don't you read it?

OK, I will.

"Dear Eddie."

"I wrote my first joke

for you on this, June 1932."

"I thought you should have it...

for your trophy case."

Signed:
"Your pal."

"Art."

Well, boys and girls,

it's time to go back to the North Pole.

Ho-ho-ho!

Happy Hanukkah and to all, sayonara!

- You fired him?

- You stay out of this.

Wally, play some music. This is a party.

Dance, everybody dance.

- Some high drama here.

- I'll fix it.

- May I have this dance?

- You can go f*** yourself.

Come here.

You know where you're going here?

You wanna give it away

because he wants to live in Russia?

- What the hell did he do? Sign a petition.

- These guys control the network.

He's your friend.

Tell 'em to go to hell.

I'm not committing suicide

for Art or anyone.

You are so full of sh*t.

You're worse than they are.

Who did this? Who did this?

Was it you, Luanna?

You smug b*tch.

Did you put my uncle's name on a list?

Did you? What are you smiling at? You did.

Or you, Sam, was it you?

Or you? Or you, or you?

Who's next, fellas? Rudolph? He's got

a red nose too. We can't be too careful.

Hey! I got a great idea!

Let's form a club.

Everybody who joins gets a button...

"I got screwed by Eddie Sparks."

- Don't worry, Eddie. She doesn't mean it.

- Come on, we're going home.

- It's OK, son. She's just tired.

- Look at him. See who he really is.

This man threw your Uncle Art out

like a piece of garbage.

You wanna grow up to be like him?

Sure, turn your wife into a drunk.

- Use people up and throw 'em away!

- It's OK, Eddie.

- And he's gonna throw you away too!

- It's OK, son.

Come on.

He's a monster! Come to me! Come to Mom.

Mom...

You can't have him!

You keep your hands off my son!

It's OK, son. It's OK.

I believe that our generation

will change the world.

I believe in freedom and honour,

hard work and the genius

of the American system.

I believe in the need to protect that system

with strength and justice and compassion

wherever it is threatened.

I believe in respect for rank

and the wisdom of our founding fathers.

I believe in America.

To love it and defend it as my father did

with the ultimate sacrifice.

I believe in the importance of family,

in my mother and her spirit.

What the hell could I do?

There was Eddie every time I turned around.

And you know what? Danny loved him.

I never had a chance.

- And you and Eddie?

- We hardly spoke.

Network dropped me like a hot potato.

They said I was...

- Controversial?

- Bingo.

That was me. Isn't that a hoot?

Me, who always thought Karl Marx

was the sixth Marx brother after Zeppo.

Eddie stayed with the show but...

it never really worked.

Cancelled him after a season.

- So what did you do?

- What did I do? What didn't I do?

Dinner theatre, stock, club dates.

Saved up a little money, bought myself

a little bistro in Hollywood.

A jazz club.

I liked it. Friends would come by.

And Danny?

Danny.

- Bring him back here,

- Remember to stop the bleeding!

These frantic efforts were to no avail,

The wounded man was dead,

Purple smoke marks the landing zone as

the medevac helicopter arrives minutes later,

- Twice in one week?

- I'm a fan.

Thank you.

Eddie called. Couple of weeks ago.

He called a lot, actually.

I went over, we got to talking.

He gave an interview about me

in the LA Times,

The whole blacklisting thing

is coming out this Sunday.

You know what he said?

"I don't much about Art,

but I know what I like."

Very clever line.

Did you write it for him?

15 years, Dixie.

I can't drag it around any more.

I don't wanna end up

writing for Beat the Clock,

Art, you're my uncle and I love you.

Do what you gotta do, all right?

There's a kicker.

The network wants a special.

Eddie Sparks' 25th anniversary

of the first tour.

- They're throwing money at him.

- America, the land of the fee.

Two weeks in Vietnam.

We got Loretta, Wally,

everybody from the old group.

- Not everybody.

- At least hear him out.

Would you do that? For me?

For old times. We owe him, Dixie.

I owe him, all right.

He's outside.

He was afraid to come in. He's out there

sitting in the goddamn limousine.

Can I tell him it's OK to come in?

He sent you in here for this?

Who's he gonna send?

Sam's dead. The girls are gone.

Margaret's left him. We're all he's got.

Come here.

- Look, it's Eddie Sparks, right there.

- Oh, yeah. Look, Eddie Sparks.

- Hi, Mr Sparks. How you doing?

- Hi. I'm looking for Dixie.

- She's waiting for you right over there.

- Thanks.

Excuse me, sir.

It's Eddie Sparks!

- Mind if I sit down?

- It's a free country.

So far, anyway.

So...

Art, you spoke to him, yeah?

Oh, yeah.

- So what do you think?

- I think your hairpiece is too tight.

It's starting to affect your brain.

Always with the quips.

You know, you and me.

You and me.

Back together again. We could show 'em.

Dixie, I wanna do it again.

Big show, big audience.

Not this television sh*t,

300 people in the bedroom.

I mean 10,000.

That sound, remember?

Oh, my.

I wanna do it again.

What do you say? One more time.

- I'm not in the business.

- Look...

We could see Danny.

Look. He writes to me all the time.

He writes to me all the time.

Here, look, look.

Saigon... Now, look...

Look, Danny. Danny, Danny...

Look, I got friends.

State Department, four-star generals,

the president, they owe me.

Don't do this.

I could get us in. Don't you wanna

see your boy? Don't you wanna see him?

I do. Come on. You wanna see him, right?

You son of a b*tch.

Hey, why is he following the road?

- Cos he's afraid to fly over the jungle.

- Afraid? Of being seen?

A lot of VC, right?

I'll be straight with you, Eddie.

I don't like this.

You got no business being here.

I can't guarantee your safety.

Don't worry about it.

- There it is.

- Where? Over there?

Oh, my God.

You got one hour to do what you gotta do

and then we're outta here. Got it?

Where is he?

He's out checking perimeter guards.

He'll be back in a while.

Get your choppers back here by 1430 hours.

I can't guarantee air cover after that.

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