Forces of Nature

It's a great pleasure-

It's a great pleasure-

It's a great pleasure|to have all of you here today.

I thought you all|might begin your tour here.

I really didn't want|a bachelor party in the first place.

I'll tell you why. It's not|that I'm against tradition.

There's just something bizarre about|having a strange, naked woman...

dance around me while|my friends yell out,

"Go for it, Ben.

Last night of freedom, Ben. "

Last night of freedom|for what?

Which is what I told|my best friend Alan.

I didn't want any strippers.|I didn't wanna get lucky.

I was lucky enough|just getting married.

All right. Quiet!

Guys!

All right. I'm not payin' tor that.|It already was chipped.

We're here to, uh, wish Ben|good luck and good riddance...

as he heads down|that rocky path to matrimony.

And, uh, hey, you know what.

Ben's dad Richard and his grandpa Max|are here. Where are you guys?

Those guys- Watch out.|You guys gotta pace yourselves.

Knowing Ben, I'd have|to say that he's probably,

- uh, one of the most loyal guys that I've ever met,|- Like a dog!

and, uh, monogamous.

And so this is probably|gonna be the last time...

that you're gonna spend|in a room with your friends...

and a n-n-naked woman...

other than your wife, man!

So you can close your eyes|if you want to. Close 'em!

But then you're gonna be missin'|Juanita, the bull tamer!

You don't have to do this.

You really don't|have to do this.

Very nice.

Ole!

Pop?

Pop?

Pop? Max?

Call 911.

How did this happen? Hmm?

What's the ditterence|how it happened?

- I wanna know how it happened.|- It happened.

It makes a difterence|to me.

All ot a sudden he has|a heart attack out of no place?

Mom, can we please|not talk about this now?

What is it you don't|want to talk about?

Mrs. Holmes, it it's any consolation, I|think he was having a really good time.

- Alan, shut up.|- Okay.

- Come into the hall.|- What is in the hall?

A vending machine.|Come on, butchki.

- Who's hungry? I'm buying.|- All hours ot the night-

This is insane.

He probably just ate some spicy food.

It was spicy, all right,|but it wasn't tood.

- Butchki!|- What?

Richard, you are|the silliest old tart.

Grandpa, what came over you?

Hmm?

- Hey.|- Ben.

- You all right?|- Ben.

She was the most|beautitul woman I ever saw.

What about Nana?

Did you ever take a good look|at your grandmother?

Woman looked like Tolstoy.

I was never|attracted to her.

Oh, maybe in the beginning,

because she was the only woman|I'd ever been with.

Well, you know, that's great.|That's, uh- That's loyalty.

Loyalty? It's fear.

Did you ever teel her arms, her-

Oh, Ben, I used to|dream about other women.

What it would be like|to hold them and to-

- Okay.|- Touch them and to-

- That's-|- Smell them.

Grandma smelled. She had|a very distinct smell. It was a-

Ben. Ben.

Listen to me.

Don't tie yourselt down.

Even if you love|a woman, it tades.

Marriage is a prison.

Ben!

Could I help you out?|Here we go.

- You just passed my room.|- Sorry.

Feel better.

Hi.

- Hi, sweetie.|- Honey.

Oh, why does everything feel|so much better now that you're here?

- How's he doing?|- He's stable.

- You know, physically, at least.|- Great.

What happened?

What do you expect? He's an 80-year-old|man with high blood pressure...

and a naked balloon-popping toreador|is a rough combination.

- It didn't pan out. It's not funny.|- It's not funny.

- Be serious.|- There's something I want to do.

- Okay. Why?|- I wanna be able to remember this moment in 30 or 40 years.

Think my next husband|will get a kick out of it.

Oh, that's nice.|Okay.

It's the night before I am flying down|to Savannah tor our wedding alone,

because Ben's grandtather, who we|will now reter to as Larry Flynt,

has partied himselt|into intensive care.

- What do you have to say?|- Put the video camera away.

No, no, no, honey,|you're not going to get off that easy.

No, I'm saving it|for my vows.

I have already|finished my vows.

What's in 'em?

You know why? Because|it's easy tor you. I'm a writer.

- Oh, really?|- I can't just slap something down on paper like you do.

Ben, listen.

You don't have|to be brilliant...

or witty or clever|or polite even.

Just have|to be honest.

Come on. Say something.|What are you feeling?

Are you nervous?|Are you happy? Are you scared?

Am I scared?|What would I be scared ot?

- I'm scared.|- You are? Why? Now you're making me scared.

Because it's a big thing. It's our|marriage. It's the rest of our lives.

It's- It's scary.

I know. I'm not scared.

- The only thing we have to tear-|- Yeah?

- Is this video camera.|- Hey! Come on! Just say a few words tor posterity.

What, what, what

What

What, what

Follow me to the scene|What

Really? You think|I can rent shoes down there?

I can't believe|I forgot my shoes.

I hear they have shoes in Savannah now.|The whole South has 'em.

All right.|Wedding dress. Check.

Check tor the minister.|Check.

Valium tor Bridget's|mother. Check.

- Ball and chain for you. Check.|- Not listening to you. Check.

- Here, look. Here you go.|- Thanks.

This is your present, okay?|It's a book ot quotes.

I crossed out the ones I'm gonna|use in my toast. Listen.

"To say that you can love|one person all your lite...

is like saying that one candle will|continue to burn as long as you live. "

- Think about that for a minute.|- I will. That's profound.

This is used.

I forgot the rings.

That's not tunny.|No, don't do that.

I torgot the rings, so-

Come on, man! No!

Relax. I'll catch|the next plane.

Son ot a b*tch!

I'll see ya in Savannah.|Hey, I need to go to the city.

- New York! New York City!|- No, I can't.

Don't take|the Van Wyck though.

Hurricane Amanda|is headed for the Southeast coastline.

The eye ot the hurricane is|presently located 200 miles...

east of South Carolina|and Savannah, Georgia.

North, northwest-

Excuse me, folks.

Just the line's movin' forward.

No. Well, I love you.

I love you more.

No, I love you more.

No, you more.

No, I love you more.

Okay, I have to go, because|I just made another passenger nauseous.

Okay?

That's my tiancee.

Goin' down to get married,|so we're a little-

Oh! Jack Bealy,|Snap-On Tools.

Ben Holmes,|scared of tlyin'.

- Yeah, I was married once.|- Yeah?

To me marriage|is just one big lie.

You don't say.

In the morning I had to say,|'Don't be silly, honey.

Your breath is fine.|You smell like a rose. "

Then I had to say, '"No, honey.

I never noticed|that 18-year-old girl...

with the tantastic body and halter top|that delivers our newspaper.

She can't hold|a candle to you...

and the 30 pounds you've put on|since we stopped having sex. "

So when's the wedding day?

May cancel it.|I may have to call back.

I didn't mean to throw a wet towel on ya|with my whole marital disaster tirade.

It's all right. It was a nice story|actually. It was very touching.

- Nice girl?|- Very nice.

As a matter ot fact, I just happen|to have a picture of her right here.

- Wow, what a knockout.|- Yeah, she's beautitul.

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