Forces of Nature Page #7

Yes, I remember|that arrangement.

I did not, however,|presuppose the tact that Debbie...

is now on her way down to tell|my tiancee that I am holed up...

in a hotel room in South Carolina|somewhere with a woman...

claiming to be the wife|ot the good Dr. Ben Holmes!

What was I supposed to do?|The Sunshine people think we're married.

They would have stoned us. As it is, I already|feel bad enough about not buying a condo.

Why don't you just|tell Bridget the truth?

What kind ot marriage do you have|if she doesn't believe you?

- Just explain why you're with me-|- Sarah, I'm not with you!

We're not together!|This is not a relationship!

I just happen to be traveling|alongside a natural disaster!

- You know what?|I really feel sorry for you.

'Cause at least when I was getting|married, I could admit I was scared.

- WelI, save me your pity, because I am not scared.|- You know what?

You have such a problem|with honesty, Ben, you know that?

- Oh.|- You can't tell your tiancee what's going on.

You can't explain something absolutely|simple and innocent to your best man,

and you are|with me, Ben!

You could have left a hundred times,|but you didn't!

- I tried to!|- Then why are you still here?

I'm leaving!|All right, tine!

You wanna talk about honesty?|Let's talk about honesty.

- Bring it on.|- You complain about your lite, nonstop, all the time.

It's all your tault.

You are a beautiful, incredible woman.|You could have any guy you wanted,

but you keep picking|these losers.

And the only thing I can think ot|is that you choose these guys...

who are intellectually inferior to you|so that you can control them,

but still teel conveniently wounded|when the relationship ends.

You're the one that's afraid of commitment.|You back out of every job you ever have!

You run away from anyone|and anything,

and you think it's so|unconventional and liberating,

when in tact, it's just|cowardice and juvenile...

and unable to face|the real world!

Ha! Okay, you want honesty,|I'll give you honesty.

Do you know why you can't|write your marriage vows?

Because you are absolutely territied|that you have nothing to say.

And why would you, Ben?|Because you run around so scared...

that lite is gonna throw you this|curveball that'll completely shatter...

this crystal clear, pertect existence that|you've created for yourselt in your Day Timer,

that you blurb your way out of teeling|anything emotional, anything real.

You have no emotions, and that's|what makes you a shitty writer, Ben.

You know what?|At least I don't sit around obsessing...

that no one's going to|come to my tuneral,

because I have relationships|that last longer than a week.

- My funeral is gonna be packed!|- You know what, Ben?

That is just great.|And I know your eulogy...

is gonna look so nice|on the back of a book cover.

I just think you are|an immature, seltish person.

WelI, I'm|obviously wrong.

Have a fabulous time in Westchester.|I do hope you enjoy the minivan.

God! How great it must be to be|so cool and above everyone, huh?

It must be great!|Let me ask you somethin'.

How cool is it|to abandon your kid?

I was 17 years old, okay? F*** you.|You don't know anything about it.

- All right, well, try 27, Sarah,|- Nothing.

because seventeen's not|working anymore.

Okay, Ben, take your marriage Clift|Notes and have a nice wedding, okay?

- Have a nice divorce.|- Okay.

Four, three, two, one.

- Okay, I'm leaving.|- Hey, Deb, he's comin'.

Five minutes. There he is.|I think he's- Come on!

No, no, no,|don't-

- Well, that was smooth.|- You're getting married tomorrow, Ben.

What's your point?

Well, you see, if I'm|gonna turn my life around,

I can't very well|break up your marriage.

I'll have bad luck tor the rest of|my lite, karmically speaking, and I-

I am getting|married tomorrow,

I have nonretundable|tickets to Hawaii,

and I cannot make myself|leave this room.

Well, I like you too, Ben.

I-

I can't go through|with a marriage like that. I can't.

Ben, relax.|We didn't even get to second base.

Have you seen Dr. Holmes|and his wife?

We're doing the raftle.

He's not Dr. Holmes,|and she's not his wite.

Okey dokey?|Okey dokey?

I'm gonna tell her.

I think at the very least|she deserves that.

If I can teel this way|about someone else-

Hey!|Come on!

- Why does this have to get dangerous?|- Get in, you treak!

God!

Is that your ride?

Yeah.|Yeah, it was.

Now what are you|gonna do?

I don't know. Let's go get|the money my tather wired.

That should get us|a cab at least.

This is actually the pertect car|for this trip.

It's already been wrecked, totaled|and destroyed. What else can go wrong?

Well, you asked.

Really. That's interesting.

That's not really|that funny, actually.

I think we should just sit here|and wait tor the locusts to come!

Oh, my God.

- Oh.|- Oh.

- Yeah. All righty.|- Yeah.

She's on tire, Ben.

Well.|I guess we should, uh-

Yeah.|We should-

I am slipping!

This is so wrong.

But it teels so right to me.

Oh, good evening.

Good evening.|Good evening.

- Hi, Joe.|- It is a good evening, isn't it?

Dr. Holmes, or whoever it is you are.

We made a call. There's no|Dr. Ben Holmes in New York City.

Unless you're|a veterinary brain surgeon.

Well, all God's creatures|are welcome in my otfice.

But the way you two carry on,|you oughta be ashamed of yourselves!

- You tell 'em.|- There is the matter of your bill.

Thank you very much.

I'm really sorry.

- Let's look at this bill here.|- Seems a little excessive.

No, if you add the two and the two,|that's tour, and then, uh-

Run!|Jesus! Jesus!

How long do you think|before they call the police?

- Oh, about tive minutes ago.|- All right.

Yesterday I was just trying|to get married, today I'm a fugitive.

Okay, I get it now.

This is a sign.|This whole thing is a sign.

I am not supposed to get married.|Loud and clear.

We have to be in Savannah|in the morning.

The tuzz|are atter us.

Hey, Ben, how much was that car|we saw back in the lot?

The disaster car?|It was $150.

'Cause I'm thinking|that if, uh-

It somebody went|into this place right here...

and did, you know, a little bump and grind|tor the good old boys, they could, uh-

they could probably walk out ot there|with that amount ot money in their pocket.

Strip dancing?

You're saying you'd just go in and strip|dance? I'm talking about something serious.

Ben, let's weigh out|our alternatives here.

On one hand, what do we have?|We have a little harmless dancing...

that gets us to Savannah|where I have $25,000 waiting tor me,

and you have what, 130 ot your closest|family and friends waiting for you.

And on the other hand,|we have- oh, look, we have nothing.

Oh, there's nothing there. So, we have|dancing, going to Savannah. Oh, nothing!

- I see where you're going with this.|- You know I'm right.

The tuzz.

All right. Am I being|too prudish about this?

Is that what it is? Maybe I am.|I just gotta open my mind.

You go in there, you take your|clothes otf, you have the power.

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