Four Against the Bank Page #2

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- Rotary Global? -Yup.

Whatever it is,

at four cents a share

that makes 272 euros.

- Are you f***ing kidding me?

Tobias Bluemel!

- Bluemel!

Calm down, gentlemen.

I want to talk to my investment advisor!

- We want to talk to Bluemel!

He's a fraud!

- Bluemel! Show yourself, coward!

I don't know what...

- Oh, these things happen.

Too bad the board doesn't like it

when one of our employees gambles away

the life savings of his clients.

I didn't gamble anything,

I just didn't get the emails.

Oh right, the glitch.

No, look at this.

There's nothing there.

See? Nothing.

The market reports!

Suddenly they're all there!

Oh man.

It breaks my heart, Tobias,

but I have to ask

for your immediate resignation.

You did this.

You did this.

That's despicable!

You're scum!

You're a monster!

Those men trusted me, they trusted us!

They trusted us with their savings!

And you just let...

let, let, let them lose it!

Wow, I'm impressed, Tobias!

You've got talent!

I don't mean to be fussy,

but Heidi's nipples are oval,

and she trims her bush

into a landing strip.

Like this. Yeah.

She's an incredible girl.

I think she'll look good in your office.

I want you out of here in an hour,

got it?

And Tobias,

leave us a few drawings.

A**holes!

- Get out of here! -Bastard!

Or we'll call the cops!

- You're bastards! F***ing bastards!

Get lost!

- F***ers!

Let's get a drink.

The bank always wins.

- I could've bought a kick-ass car,

kick-ass clothes, a kick-ass new retina.

- I'll never apologize. Never!

Freddie always believed in me.

No matter what.

She always believed in me.

And now she believes we've got savings.

- I won't crawl back to them!

That account has been empty for a year.

I couldn't land a single job!

I could've been a pimp, but no!

I had to save up!

I'm not even a boxer anymore.

I'm blind, burned out and drunk.

She'll leave me.

She'll take the kids, and...

The bank always wins.

- My dad never trusted them.

You know where he hid his money?

In the litter box.

But the cats sh*t in there.

- Yup.

The bank always wins.

- Are you a broken record or what?

The bank always wins.

If I ever see that advisor again...

- Tobias Bluemel.

Bluemel, Tobias.

Fuckface Bluemel.

There he is.

- Fuckface!

I'll beat the sh*t out of you!

If I ever...

- Hey, don't break my cellphone, too!

I'd do it real clean,

with no evidence or suspects.

How?

- First...

I'd stick little tacks in his eyeballs,

And then I'd rip the hair off his balls

with packing tape.

That hurts like hell.

And when he's lying there,

naked and blind like a little baby bird,

I'd drive a steam-roller over him,

again and again. Back and forth.

And when his entrails are flat

and his intestines are bulging out,

I'd dissolve him with acid.

I saw that on CSI once.

Caustic, high-quality acid,

till there's nothing left of him.

Not even a little pile of sh*t!

Holy crap! Pinch me!

I said "pinch," you freak!

- Oh, man!

That's fuckface!

I'm gonna beat him up!

- He's mine!

We'll go straight to jail

if we whack him here.

See you soon, Bluemel.

The door's reinforced.

- I'll do it, fool.

That's how I do it too.

- Sure.

We're Jehovah's Witnesses.

Hey, not so fast!

Shut the hell up

or I'll bite off your tongue, got it?

Good, then we can begin.

Do you know who we are?

- He asked if you know who we are!

What'?

Take that thing out of his mouth.

One wrong word

and your Wiener is toxic waste!

Podolski!

Juergen Podolski!

The fastest colt in West Germany!

- Colt?

How did you...

I got every episode of

Bullet & Podolski on DVD. Look!

He's right! You're that actor!

You're that actor!

Okay. Yes, I am.

What actor?

Lukas Podolski!

- The soccer player? -No!

Commissar Juergen Podolski!

How did I not realize it was you?

We only talked on the phone.

- I never watched it.

You were really famous. What happened?

- I'm still an actor, yeah?

I've got class. I turn down shitty jobs.

- I have to say,

you were much better than Bullet.

- Bullet was a total phony.

He went on to Hollywood.

He was totally overrated!

Season 3, episode 12:

The Stripper, Drug Ring Crash.

That was world class acting.

- Yes, it was an intense period for me.

I went undercover for four days

to prepare.

Yes, it was so authentic!

Your talent is...

Can we get back to the task at hand?

- Let the man finish!

"My talent is..."

- Your talent is...

"My talent..." Over here.

"My talent is..."

Oscar-worthy! Oscar-worthy!

Tobias, I want you to know

that this is your last day

on planet Earth.

I'm going to dissect you.

Piece by piece.

And the last thing I'll do

is cut off your balls,

stick them in a jar and put them

on the shelf with your collection.

He's bluffing, right?

- I think so.

I'm innocent, really!

I, I...

I only wanted the best for my clients!

I mean, I'm not perfect.

Once I took a soda from the machine

because it was lying there,

and I make nude drawings of my colleague,

but that's it!

What'? Yuck!

Do you jerk off to them?

At your desk?

- No! That's sick!

He winked!

- I didn't wink.

I saw it too.

You must be lying.

Oh, he did it again!

- No, I didn't do anything!

I really am a good guy!

I'm Tinkerbell, and that's Lady Di.

So, I've heard enough!

Time to kiss your balls goodbye!

You killed him!

- What? I didn't touch him!

You're my witnesses!

The chair jumped with him on it!

Does anybody know CPR?

- Yeah.

He can't breathe. Unbutton his shirt.

Stop! Stop! Not naked!

Don't undress me!

Do me a favor and just kill me quickly.

I've lost everything as it is.

What about us?

- It wasn't me!

The bank director sabotaged

your accounts.

Now it's your boss's fault?

- Yes, he did it so he could fire me!

He didn't care

if a few clients went bankrupt.

I'll knock him out!

- Not with us!

If that's true, why don't you go

to the police and tell them your version?

Who will they believe?

Schumacher, the director

of 9 profitable German banks,

or me?

- The guy who spanks his monkey at work.

I didn't spank anything!

- Of course you didn't.

Come here, sit up. Nice and slow.

You just said "profitable banks."

How profitable are they?

Baerenbank AG is worth about six billion.

- What about in the bank?

Is there a few million

in the building every day?

No, only on Fridays.

Friday is "moving day."

The money is moved to headquarters.

- "Moving day!"

"Moving day?"

- They move the money, lazy eye!

Can the three of us talk'?

- It's hypothetical.

Hypothetical?

- So, what would happen

if a few million went missing?

The bank is insured for things like that.

There would be an investigation.

The police would come and ask questions.

So no customers would lose any money?

- No, it's not the Wild West.

It'd be a crime with no victims.

Boys, come with me.

Now.

Are you actually considering this?

- The means justifies the end.

The end justifies the means, idiot!

If it's robbing a bank, then it sucks!

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