Four Against the Bank Page #3

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We lost our money

to a corporation we invested in

because we're losers! We're all losers!

I sound like my dad!

So get lost. A few million divided by two

is way more than divided by three!

Or is that wrong?

- No, that's right.

We have to give Tobias a cut.

- The wanker?

We need him. He knows the bank.

He's our insider.

If we really want to rob a bank

we need to be a team

where everyone has a role.

The insider is the key!

How would you know?

- I've caught plenty of bank robbers!

On TV, Mr Bullet & Podemski!

On TV!

His name is Commissioner Lukas Podolski!

It's Juergen.

- Whatever!

Show him some respect,

you little snot!

This is bullshit. Total bullshit!

You know what's bullshit?

My family will have to scrape by.

We'll eat canned ravioli every day

because some banker

decided to fire that jerk-off!

It's bullshit because

I can't pay the f***ing heating bill!

I want what's mine.

- I want my hard-earned money back.

That's right, Chris.

- Plus a little extra.

For all the psychological stress.

- Sure, we can take as much as we want.

What's the deal?

Are you in, or not?

For the record, this whole thing

makes me very, very nervous.

Duly noted, Goldilocks.

Hey, Tobi!

- Hey!

Time to wake up.

- Come on out.

Careful.

- It's cozy in there, huh?

Careful.

Leave it on.

- Nobody wants to undress you.

I just want to straighten your tie.

- Tobi.

Do you mind if I call you Tobi?

You know,

that bank really screwed you over.

How'd you like to even the score?

- And while you're at it,

get yourself a sack full of money?

When do we start?

That's our Tobi.

And you play poker?

- Till our finger tips bleed.

I've never seen them.

You married a talented

and well-loved man.

Is my little honey bee jealous?

- No way.

It's just weird.

We've been married 11 years,

and I've never seen you play poker.

Is it 11 years already?

And you've been acting strange lately.

- How so?

Why did you ask

the heating company for an extension?

Okay, you got me.

It was supposed to be a surprise.

Our investment advisor...

He's just incredible!

He calls me two days ago and says

the market is...

going through the roof.

We wait a few days, then: jackpot!

It's great, right?

Yeah, great.

Are you hot?

No.

Okay, it's time for a nice round

of Texas shuffle.

You do know it's called

Texas hold 'em, right?

You do know smart asses

get beat up, right?

So, concentrate.

Our bank.

- Where'd you get that?

City hall.

- They just gave it to you?

If the hot secretary

is in your boxing course,

and you really give it to her,

she'll get it for you.

Does it check out?

- It looks right.

Here's the plan:
We storm in,

kick the sh*t out of anybody

who gets in our way,

then we grab the cash.

- That's brilliant!

You make Einstein look like a retard!

- Hey!

Another wisecrack and Einstein

will tack those locks to your ass!

Your dentures are slipping.

Look! -What?

We'll need the code for the safe room.

It changes daily.

Excuse me?

- Who's got the code?

Ralf, he's the vice manager.

That's his office.

What does he look like?

- You deaf?

He's about 5 foot 8 inches,

with a button nose, gray hair.

About like this.

He looks like a girl.

Whatever.

Here's the new plan:

We storm in, kick the sh*t out of Ralf,

get the code,

and then we grab the cash.

Every employee has am alarm button.

If we storm in and crack heads,

they'll call the police.

Maybe we should be more discreet.

F*** discreet!

- Wait, first thing's first.

We need our roles.

- Keep that up and you'll get fat.

Chris, you're the muscle.

Tobias, you're the insider.

As for me, I'm more of a strategist,

so I should be your leader.

Why? Because you're an actor?

- Do you object'?

I think some of us have real experience,

but that's okay.

My talents are always underestimated

by men old enough to be my dad!

I would've had to start pretty early...

- No problem. Let's take a vote.

Who wants me to be the leader?

So, what's my role, great leader?

- You drive the getaway car.

No, forget it.

Rocky can drive the getaway car.

Why me?

- You're belligerent and half blind.

If you mess up and kill somebody,

I'll get arrested for murder too.

And unlike you guys,

I've got my whole life ahead of me.

Don't count on it.

- Do you need glasses to drive?

I don't have glasses.

- I've got glasses.

Okay, fine. But it's gotta go fast.

I needed that money yesterday.

We need to do our homework.

First, we spy on the bank.

I'll get the keys to the bathroom

and the side entrance.

Then we'll do a test run,

and get tools:

The getaway car, masks and guns.

What'?

I just binged on the first season

of Bullet & Podolski again. Crazy!

I never thought

I'd be Podolski's partner.

But we're not using real guns, right?

No, we'll shoot water guns.

- I think we need real guns.

But we'll use blanks.

Here goes.

Morning, Ralf.

11 o'clock. On the dot.

- His bowel movements are like clockwork.

11:
00 - RALF IS TAKING A CRAP.

Hey! Tobias!

Susanne!

- Repair service.

You're an angel.

When do you need it back?

No rush. My husband hasn't

played with his tools for years.

He's too busy with his affairs.

- Sounds like true love.

I ignored the first affairs,

but when they hit double digits

I gave up on true love.

Yeah.

- Well?

How about a quickie?

I'd love to, but I can't today.

This is more important.

- ls everything okay?

Sort of.

Soon everything will sort of be okay.

I have to get back. Bye!

This is a bank robbery!

Show me the money!

Show me the money!

Come on, people!

Or I'll start shooting!

It's okay! It's just a candy bar!

COCOA BLASTER:

4 minutes, 16 seconds.

- Damn, they're fast!

Wow! Who's that?

Dr. Elisabeth Zollner.

I'd spar with her any day.

She heads a bank robbery task force.

She catches the big fish.

How do you know?

- She gives a course at the bank

about professional conduct

during bank robberies.

She has perfect breasts.

- I bet she makes you shake your Wiener.

Say that one more time

and I'll staple your ears to your balls.

Wow! What happened to you?

I like it! Respect!

It was a false alarm.

Just a bum with a candy bar.

Close the bank.

I need statements from all witnesses.

Seriously? It was a candy bar!

There must be 30 witnesses!

She didn't ask for your opinion.

- No one goes till they make a statement.

Then your people stormed in,

and that's all I saw.

You look familiar.

- Really?

Is it possible I've seen you before?

No, I don't think so.

I doubt it, anyway.

I guess I just have one of those faces.

Did you deposit the money?

- Pardon?

You were leaving.

Did you deposit the money?

Yes.

Thanks.

Next.

10, 15, 20...

35, 40, 45.

Hey, we said 50!

45, 50...

What difference does it make?

I could ask the cops

what difference it makes.

Five more. Come on.

- Listen up, crab louse.

Take the cash and scram,

or I'll give you five fingers!

I'll beat the sh*t out of you!

- Do you have to beat people up?

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