Four Rooms Page #24

TED:

Look, I don't feel like--

BETTY:

He probably just wants some champagne! You can do that,

can't you? Please just take care of him, the entire staff of the

Mon Signor is begging you!

Ted crumbles.

TED:

Okay. But get your ass here pronto.

BETTY:

You're a good man, Ted. Thanks.

Ted hangs up the phone. And picks up the board phone.

TED:

Hello, Mr. Rush. Sorry for the delay. How can I help you?

FADE TO BLACK:

STORY TITLE CARD:

the penthouse

"THE MAN FROM HOLLYWOOD"

EXT. HALLWAY TO PENTHOUSE--NIGHT

The elevator door opens and Ted wheels out his tray into the hallway.

There's been a bit of an effort to make himself appear a bit less

disheveled than in the last scene. He's only minorly successful in the

attempt. His uniform still looks like sh*t, his hair looks tousled, and he

walks with a limp.

He wheels the cart up to the penthouse door and KNOCKS at the door.

A woman opens the door, it's Angela from Alex's story.

ANGELA:

Hi, Theodore.

TED:

What the hell are you doing here?

She holds up the drink she has in her hand.

ANGELA:

Having a drink.

TED:

Is that crazy husband of yours in there?

ANGELA:

Are you kidding, he'll be asleep till Christmas.

From behind her we hear:

VOICE (OS)

Entrez, entrez.

Angela steps aside and Ted wheels in the tray.

INT. PENTHOUSE--NIGHT

The penthouse is huge, far and away the best suite in the house. And

standing in the middle of the biggest room in the hotel is the hottest,

newest comedy star to burst onto the Hollywood scene in nearly a decade:

Chester Rush. At this moment in time, he's the king, and he has the swagger

of a new king. After only one movie, he's pulled the sword out of the

stone. And the look on his face says, "King's good." Surrounding him is his

entourage. They all look like once upon a time this evening they were

dressed sharp; however, at this late hour, everybody looks about as

disheveled as Ted.

One of the lads, Norman, has planted roots in a comfy chair with his leg

thrown over the arm and a bottle of Jim Beam in his hand.

The second guy, Leo, is in the back of the room pacing back and forth on

the telephone. He is completely oblivious to the rest of the room's

activity.

In Chester's hand is an ever present glass of champagne, which he

constantly spills as he gestures wildly. Around the room are the leftovers:

pizza boxes, fast-food hamburgers, and empty bottles of Cristal Champagne.

CHESTER:

(still sitting)

Entrez, entrez, come in, come in.

TED:

(wheeling in the tray)

Hi, sorry I took so long, but I got everything you asked for--

CHESTER:

--Not a problem, my friend Mr. Bellboy.

ANGELA:

(closing the door)

His name's Theodore.

TED:

Actually, it's not Theodore,

(he throws a look at Angela)

It's Ted.

Chester rises from the couch.

CHESTER:

So, Ted the Bellboy, as I was saying--would you care for

some champagne? That's not what I was saying, but would

you care for some champagne?

TED:

No, thank you.

CHESTER:

Ya sure? Cristal. It's the best. I never liked champagne

before I had Cristal, now I love it.

TED:

Okay, yeah, sure.

As Chester goes and pours Ted a glass:

CHESTER:

--As I was saying, Ted, don't worry about being late. For

our purposes, promptness is far behind thoroughness.

On "thoroughness," he hands Ted the glass.

CHESTER:

Chin-chin.

They clink glasses and drink.

CHESTER:

Whadya say, Ted?

TED:

Thank you?

CHESTER:

No, not thank you. Whadya say about the tasty beverage?

TED:

It's good.

CHESTER:

F***in' good, Ted. It's f***in' good. Let's try it again, shall

we? So, Ted, whadya think about the beverage.

TED:

It's f***in' good.

CHESTER:

You bet your sweet bippy, Ted. It's f***in' Cristal,

everything else is piss.

Norman in the chair starts yelling at Ted.

NORMAN:

Bellboy! Bellboy! Bellboy!

Ted knows he's being laughed at, but not why.

CHESTER:

(to Norman)

Knock it off, you're making my friend Ted here uneasy.

(to Ted)

Pay no attention to Norman here, Ted, he's just f***in' wit'

ya, that's all. That's from Quadrophenia. Now me, myself,

when I think of bellboys I think of--"bellboy" isn't an insult,

is it? Is there another name for what you do that I'm

ignorant of? Bellman, bellperson--

TED:

Bellboy's fine.

CHESTER:

Good. I'm glad they haven't changed that. There's a

friendliness to "bellboy." As I was saying, Ted, when

Norman thinks of bellboys, he thinks of Quadrophenia.

But me, when I think of bellboys, I think of The Bellboy,

with Jerry Lewis. Didja ever see The Bellboy?

TED:

No.

CHESTER:

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