Four Rooms Page #4

On this night, oh great goddess Diana, we restore your

virgin flesh and bring you back to real life.

CLOSE ON the rock slab. We hold the artifact.

ATHENA:

Soon--I take you to the pond for a cleansing. Well, it's a

swimming pool, but it will be under the setting sun, okay?

INT. FRONT DESK--DUSK FALLS

Just as Ted is recovering from the mystery of this first guest, Elspeth

arrives. She has skin like marble, the body of Venus, piercing blue eyes,

blond hair and is dressed all in black clothing, like Honey West in a

rubber dress. She carries several bags, and a silver sword on her shoulder.

TED:

May I help you?

ELSPETH:

I . . . we . . . have a reservation.

Then she snaps, irritated, behind her.

ELSPETH:

Kiva!

ANGLE ON a young punk rocker chick with long orange hair, a long leather

coat, wearing a tight T-shirt with studs spelling "P*SSY" across her

breasts. This is Kiva.

Kiva is kicking the tar and nicotine outta the cigarette machine. Just as

Ted's eyes grow wide with anxiety, several packs of smokes drop into the

juvenile delinquent's hands.

KIVA:

Wait up, gawd! I had to get supplies for this boring ass night.

ELSPETH:

(to Ted)

We have a reservation in the Honeymoon Suite.

TED:

Oh yeah . . . you must be one of "the others." And what're

you carrying--the Rock of Gibraltar?

She stares at him without humor. He fumbles for the key. He walks around

the desk to help her with her black crocodile luggage. Jars clang inside.

He is ready to go, but Elspeth turns to lecture Kiva on the hazards of

smoking, as Kiva lights up.

ELSPETH:

What'd I tell you about smoking?

KIVA:

You smoke.

ELSPETH:

That's right--I smoke, and I'm addicted to it, and I don't

want the same thing to happen to you.

KIVA:

(in game-show host voice)

"Hello--welcome to this week's edition of the Hypocrite of

the Year Award--"

As Kiva goes off on her impression of a game-show host, Elspeth is growing

increasingly rageful, like a mother with an unruly child. Ted waits,

luggage in hand.

ELSPETH:

Kiva! That's enough--

She cuts Kiva's ramble off. Kiva blows smoke defiantly.

KIVA:

You're not my mother!

ELSPETH:

Yes I am.

KIVA:

Then why're we sleeping together?

Ted looks on uneasily at the relationship that is beginning to unfold here.

Elspeth checks his reaction and becomes self-conscious at his scrutiny.

ELSPETH:

Well . . . I didn't mean it . . . literally. I . . . I happen to be

the only one who . . . cares about you--

But her wild child looks off, bored. Elspeth turns to Ted, flustered.

ELSPETH:

Please--take us to our room!

Ted smiles uneasily and reaches to relieve her of her sword, but Elspeth

quickly slams her palm on the sword and shoots him a piercing glare. He

jumps back with a light nervous laugh. He leads the way to the elevator.

AT THE HONEYMOON SUITE DOOR

The couch has been set out here in the hall, as well as coffee tables,

lamps, and the TV. Elspeth and Kiva enter the room. Athena is gone. As Ted

stumbles around the furniture in the hall, he peers in the room and see a

transformation. With most of the furniture removed, candles and incense and

flowers are beginning to form an altar around the fireplace.

But oddest of all is the pink-tinged water swirling in the Jacuzzi and

pouring from the cupid urns. A sprinkle of white powder on the carpet

encircles the hot tub. Elspeth hands him a tip as he gawks at the circle.

ELSPETH:

Flea powder. One of the others is bringing her cat.

Ted starts away again, perplexed. He turns for one last look to see Elspeth

kneeling before Kiva, who sprawls on the floor. He shakes his head and

leaves.

ELSPETH:

You're gonna have to wait in the other room.

KIVA:

Why?

ELSPETH:

Because I said so.

KIVA:

I'll watch TV.

ELSPETH:

You can't watch TV because the noise will interfere with

our ritual.

Kiva looks around the room and spies the TV in the hallway. She turns to

Elspeth with sarcastic concession.

KIVA:

Okay . . . Mommy.

Elspeth bristles as the brat saunters off to the bedroom. Elspeth enters

the sacred circle, stands before the altar, whips out her sword, and makes

a ceremonial gesture pointing the sword upward, perfectly centered between

her breasts.

Kiva, behind Elspeth's back, exits from the bedroom doorway into the hall

and comes back in, lugging the TV into the honeymoon bedroom.

Elspeth kneels before the altar. Athena enters the room with the "cleansed"

artifact and lays the slab in the center of the altar upon the heart-shaped

pillows as Elspeth lays her sword next to the rock. The women look upon the

union with tender affection.

ATHENA:

Soon--our goddess will come. I will go get her negligee.

Athena stands up but her reverie is dispelled as she shrieks! Loud TV

suddenly blasts from the bedroom and Kiva the brat is trying on the pink

negligee over her clothes. Athena takes the negligee off the irrepressible

youth.

ATHENA:

What are you doing! Have you no respect--who--who is

dis girl?

ELSPETH:

Kiva. My friend. Kiva, turn off the TV! I can't leave her at

home--she's on probation and I gotta keep an eye on her.

ATHENA:

Well, Elspeth, your friend cannot stay here during the ritual.

She may be one of your kind, but she is not one of us.

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