Four Rooms Page #3

BETTY:

Fifty bucks!

TED:

You're shirking your duties for this Nazi. For that you pay

a price, and the price is fifty bucks.

BETTY:

One, Horst is not a Nazi. Two, that's not a fair price. You're

taking advantage of the situation. Twenty bucks. Now,

twenty bucks is a fair price.

TED:

Yeah, but what you're doin' to me ain't fair. And, you are

completely and totally taking advantage of me and your

position. So fifty bucks is the perfect price.

Betty begrudgingly digs in her purse.

BETTY:

Okay, but don't be a p*ssy. You don't bother me unless it's

an emergency. In fact, for fifty bucks, you better not call me

unless the f***in' building's burning down.

She gives him the money.

BETTY:

Get ready to take the desk.

Betty leaves.

Ted sits in the chair, takes another drink, and prepares himself for the

night.

FADE TO BLACK:

STORY TITLE CARD:

room 321

"STRANGE BREW"

FADE IN:

EXT. THE MON SIGNOR HOTEL--DUSK

Ted, the bellboy, meets his first guest of the evening, as a taxi unloads

her luggage. To his warm surprise, the guest is a Beautiful Mediterranean

Goddess (actually, we will come to see she is not technically a goddess,

but a High Priestess). She is about 25 years old, speaks with an Italian

accent and is dressed in Gypsy garb. She is Athena.

Ted takes Athena's luggage onto his cart. But one item in a woven Moroccan

bag proves to be unbearably heavy. Athena is concerned as he attempts to

lift it.

ATHENA:

Pleeze be careful--my God. You have no idea . . .

Ted strains as he uses all his cojones to lift the insanely heavy bag onto

the cart. Athena tips the cab driver, stingily. The driver winces and gets

in the cab. Ted has now managed with grunts and groans and strained blood

vessels to put this thing on the cart. The cab skids away. Athena looks at

Ted, who is out of breath.

ATHENA:

I'm usually a good tipper, but this one--this cab

driver--he had green all around him. I don't like that in a man.

Ted wheezes and pounds on his chest.

TED:

Green? Is that bad? Like you read auras or something like that?

ATHENA:

Something like that.

TED:

Yeah, well what color are you seein' around me . . . how's

the tip lookin?

ATHENA:

I see purple . . . in your face, and . . .

As if she can't help herself, Athena's eyes are strangely drawn to his

crotch. She frowns, confused by this impulse. Ted appears to be charmingly

oblivious.

Athena looks back into his face.

ATHENA:

. . . you're okay.

Ted touches his face--as if searching for the "purple" in it--and moves the

cart inside, discreetly checking out his crotch and giving her a confused

side glance.

INT. FRONT DESK--DUSK

Ted shifts hats to check the girl in. He checks her reservation.

ATHENA:

Athena Z.

TED:

(scratching his head--weird name, okay)

You're booked in the Honeymoon Suite--just one night?

With all this luggage?

ATHENA:

I will only need to stay till sunrise.

TED:

Okay . . . and how will you be paying?

ATHENA:

With gold.

He looks at this wacky Gypsy chick numbly--she pulls out her Gold Card and

smiles.

EXT. ELEVATOR--DUSK

The doors open and Ted and Athena emerge upon the third floor. Ted follows

Athena with the cart down the hallway to her room.

AT THE HONEYMOON SUITE DOOR

Ted opens the door, then lifts the easiest bags first. In the center of the

room is a Jacuzzi with hokey plastic cupids poised with urns on each side.

A dormant fireplace looms beyond the still hot tub.

Ted stares at the heavy bag with anxiety--then looks in front of him to

Athena as she rubs the round plastic head of a little Cupid and mumbles,

"Perfect." Then, arms open wide, chin lifted to heaven, eyes closed, she

mumbles a faint incantation. Then she does a belly-dance wiggle and turns

to Ted, who is truly perplexed.

ATHENA:

Well--the other bag--I need it.

TED:

Right.

He starts to lift it, again straining and turning purple. He laughs sickly.

TED:

What the hell you got in here, lady? Nuclear weapons?

She relieves him of the task and effortlessly picks up the bag.

ATHENA:

(dryly)

The White Cliffs of Dover.

Ted is stunned as she slings the bag over her shoulder and pauses to pull a

10 spot out of her cleavage. She hands it to him. Ted is grateful and

disoriented.

ATHENA:

The others will be coming soon. Send them, pleeze.

Ted nods, confused by "the others," and walks off with the cart. Then he

turns from outside the doorway.

TED:

Oh--I forgot to show you how to turn on the Jacuzzi.

But Athena is ahead of him--she flips a switch and water begins to flow

from the baby cupids' urns into the hot tub.

ATHENA:

I been in dis' place many New Year's. So . . . you send the

others to me, huh. Go now.

As she says this, the door closes with a strange force, shutting Ted out.

Athena takes the bag to the bedroom of the suite.

IN THE SUITE BEDROOM

A round bed with pink tuck'n'roll headboard. It's impossible to imagine

having an orgasm in this room--unless it were achieved by laughing.

Athena carefully removes a large, beautiful white slab of stone from her

tapestry bag. She caresses it and carries it like a baby to the bed and

places it in the very center, the head of the rock resting on dusty

heart-shaped pillows.

Then she removes from her bag a pink negligee and matching high-heeled

slippers. And these she places with reverance on the bed.

ATHENA:

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