Four Rooms Page #8

Ted . . . the bellboy.

Athena smiles and turns to Eva.

ATHENA:

Mr. Bellboy, come right in!

Ted opens the door. His eyes bulge out as he looks upon the fleshly feast.

He steps back. They giggle seductively, all except Eva, who sniffles,

red-eyed. Amazingly, Ted's attention is captivated by Eva's sorrow, not by

the naked charms of the other witches. She shyly covers her breasts.

Sensitive to her shame and sorrow, he looks away and steps from the door to

fetch the room-service cart. Athena directs the others to put on their

shirts. Ted wheels in the cart.

TED:

Here's the things you asked for. Oh, and uhh, sorry, but I'm

not gonna pick the eyes outta this dead fish.

He points to the trout. Elspeth picks it up, flings the eyes into the

Jacuzzi, and tosses the trout out of the window. She smirks at him

comtemptuously.

ATHENA:

(handing Ted 50 bucks)

Okay, mister, here's your fifty-dollar tip, only, you have to

do one more thing . . . make our little Eva smile. Can you?

We'll leave you alone.

(to Eva, firmly)

And don't your mouth!

The girls step out. Athena turns to Eva and points to her watch, then holds

up one finger. Eva looks up, worried. The door closes on her and Ted. She

looks at Ted and sighs. He covers her with a shawl.

IN THE HALLWAY:

The other witches listen at the door.

ELSPETH:

If she doesn't get his goop in ten minutes, I'm going to take

him myself.

JEZEBEL:

Ha! That'll be a first for you.

ELSPETH:

Oh sh*t--Kiva!

She runs back in for her bratty girlfriend, who is already sneaking out the

bedroom door.

ELSPETH:

And just where do you think you're going?

KIVA:

Well, gawd--I need a candy bar or something--you haven't

fed me all day. I'm getting all shaky. My blood sugar's

really low.

JEZEBEL:

Elspeth--honestly now--some babysitter you're turnin'

out ta be!

ATHENA:

Enough, girls. I will collect fresh earth. Jezebel, I want you

to gather damp moss. Raven, you bring me a birch branch.

Elspeth, you go feed your terrible girlfriend. We meet back

here in one hour and let's all have faith that Eva can get this guy off.

The witches disperse.

INT. HONEYMOON SUITE--NIGHT

Eva sits among pillows before the altar as Ted stands in front of her. Ted

is trying his best to make poor Eva smile. But no matter what his antics,

she looks off sadly.

TED:

Help me out, lady. I gotta earn this fifty bucks!

EVA:

Oh look, they don't care if I smile or not! All they want is . . .

Ted waits; she sighs and rest her chin in her hand.

EVA:

You won't understand, believe me.

She begins to cry tearfully again.

TED:

Try me. I've been around, y'know.

He postures proudly, all puffed out. Eva looks at him helplessly. And he

paternally encourages her to explain.

EVA:

Well . . . okay. The five of us--Elspeth, Jezebel, Athena,

Raven and me--are a coven.

TED:

Ha, like a coven of witches?

EVA:

Yes.

TED:

(stunned)

Oh.

He looks around the room: QUICK CUTS of candles, iconography, jars of lurid

substances, unknown body parts of animals woven into the nature sculpture .

. . and are those tongues in that can? Ted's getting the creeps, but again

puffs himself up.

TED:

I knew that!

EVA:

(getting calmer)

And you see, our coven has spent forty years trying to perfect

a ritual to undo a wicked curse put on our goddess Diana.

TED:

Gee, you don't look a day over twenty!

EVA:

Oh . . . ha ha . . . I mean the witches before us tried and

failed. But Athena, our High Priestess, discovered a great

potion to reverse the evil spell which turned our beautiful

goddess into an old rock.

TED:

(looking at the rock)

Yeah? Is . . . is that her?

Eva nods, looking lovingly at the stone.

EVA:

She was a beautiful virgin. An entertainer by trade, but a

great sorceress by design. It was here in this very room, on

her wedding night, a jealous rival placed the curse on Diana.

TED:

She turned to--that--here?

EVA:

Yes . . . and her young husband turned into a pink fish!

They found him swimming in the pool in circles. While our

dear goddess:
a stone in her honeymoon bed.

Ted frowns as he ponders all this. Eva takes a photo from the altar and

hands it to Ted.

EVA:

This was Diana.

CLOSE ON photo:
a Blond Bombshell in full-on Betty Page attire, a

bare-tittied pinup girl, playfully spanking a girl in bondage with a spiked

high heel.

TED:

This girl here? This is the goddess Diana?

The photograph slowly comes alive. Diana stops spanking the girl and unties

her. She pulls the girl (in the black satin mask) up off her lap and makes

the girl stand. The women face each other and break into a cheek-to-cheek

tango.

CLOSE ON Ted as he shakes his head. Are his eyes playing tricks on him?

TED:

I hate to tell you this, but I kinda doubt she was a virgin.

EVA:

Oh, but she was! She had lovers, but she saved that for

marriage. Which is the example I've tried to follow: to do

everything but that till I marry . . .

She begins to sob again. Ted comforts her.

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