Four Rooms Page #9

TED:

Hey, don't cry . . . a virgin is a rare and beautiful thing. If

you say she was a virgin, I'll believe it.

EVA:

Well, it doesn't matter now . . . and she won't be resurrected

tonight 'cause I failed her. I let my whole coven down!

TED:

Wait a sec--that rock was gonna turn back into this?

He holds up the photo. Eva nods.

TED:

Now, that would be something worth seeing!

EVA:

Only, not now--we were each supposed to bring

something--a life fluid.

TED:

(wincing in disgust)

If this is gonna be like one of those afterbirth conversations,

I don't think I wanna hear this.

EVA:

Only . . . I swallowed it . . .

TED:

You swallowed what?

Eva looks off. Ted searches his brains, thoroughly sickened now.

TED:

You mean, you were supposed to bring . . . like . . . like a

guy's . . . and you . . . ?

She nods; he winces, queasy. Eva looks at him, helpless.

EVA:

And now, you're my last chance!

TED:

(laughing)

Yeah, sure.

TED:

(then--panic)

Whoa, what? You want my--for the--witchy poo--ahh

no--no way--nope. Besides, it's against hotel policy. I was

warned:
"No sex with the clientele"!

Eva sobs, pleading. She throws off her shawl, baring her lovely breasts,

and reaches her arms around his neck. He keeps backing off. Unbeknownst to

him, he is already doing a ritualistic shuffle.

TED:

Ha, c'mon now, joke's over.

(seeing this is no joke)

Hey, we're gonna step in the flea powder.

EVA:

That's not flea powder, that's sacred dust ground from the

horns of Albino goats.

TED:

Right! I knew that!

He is backing away, into the circle, as she comes for him, soft and sweet.

Her eyes are again putting the magic hex on him, as he tries to resist her

gaze.

TED:

What's a nice girl like you doing in a coven, anyway?

EVA:

Well, see, what I really want to do is be a midwife. I've

attended four births already! I can prevent vaginal tears

and everything.

TED:

(trying to dodge her hexing eyes)

Well, that's a good thing! A guy doesn't like surprises down there.

All the while she is stepping toward him into the circle.

EVA:

I joined the coven to attain greater understanding of my

feminine power so I could become a truly great midwife!

TED:

(the hex working now)

Oh, well, I see you've been gaining a lot of insight into your

. . . girl powers . . .

Eva sweetly takes his hand and places it on her breast.

EVA:

Do you really think so?

TED:

(buckling under the temptation)

Well, yeah, I'd say that seems to be the case . . . .

(she licks his neck; his eyes roll back heavenly)

Ohhh, God! Betty's gonna kill me!

EVA:

Who's Betty--your girlfriend?

TED:

No. My boss.

EVA:

Oh good!

TED:

Oh no!

They fall into a kiss, as she begins to remove his cap. She moves him

toward the Jacuzzi, closer and closer.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HALLWAY--NIGHT

Ted pushes his room-service cart. He is flushed. Puffed up. Lights a

cigarette, takes a great big, satisfied drag. Eva runs to the door

dreamily, her naked body wrapped in her shawl. She passes him a card.

EVA:

My phone number in Topanga. Call me?

TED:

(cocky)

Sure, baby. Yeah, I'll give ya a call.

She smiles and shuts the door. The other witches are arriving with supplies

from the garden. Kiva, now having raised her blood sugar, sucks on a

lollipop, a sunny girl. She talks to Raven, who carries a birch limb.

KIVA:

What's that used for?

RAVEN:

It's a birch branch, symbolizing eternal life. You can also

use the bark for a tea which assists in astral travel.

KIVA:

Hey--I wanna be a witch!

The other girls roll their eyes as Elspeth smiles proudly. Ted blows smoke

at them and pushes his cart off down the hall. The witches run inside the

room.

IN THE SUITE:

Eva sits, blissed-out, in the center of the circle, smiles.

EVA:

I'm a woman now!

ATHENA:

But where is his "stuff"?

EVA:

(pointing to the Jacuzzi)

We did it right there, in the big cauldron!

JEZEBEL:

Ooohhh honey, you're gonna be sore tomorra! Didn't your

mama teach you that water strips a girl's lubrication?

RAVEN:

Sex in water is great in the movies, not in real life . . . but

you will learn. As we all did.

JEZEBEL:

Yeah, when she can't walk . . .

(to Elspeth)

I guess you wouldn't have those kinds of problems--

without penetration.

ELSPETH:

No. And virtually no cervical cancer, either.

ATHENA:

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