Four Weddings and a Funeral Page #2

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She's a pretty girl.

The one you can't take your eyes off.

Love at first sight?

No, it's the bloke she's dancing with.

I played rugby with him at school.

I'm trying to remember what

position he played.

Though, let's say for

the sake of argument...

...one did take a fancy to someone

at a wedding.

Do you think there are people

who can just say:

"Hi, babe. My name's Charles.

This is your lucky night"?

If there are, they're not English.

Quite.

Three weeks is about

my question-popping minimum.

You know I love you,

Jean, don't you?

I love you.

I love you.

And Mike, I've never met you before...

...but I love you very much.

I really do.

Ignore her, she's drunk.

At least I hope she is.

Otherwise, I'm in real trouble.

How's it going, Lyds?

Bloody awful.

Oh, dear. What's the problem?

I was promised sex.

Everybody said it:

"You'll be a bridesmaid, you'll get

sex. You'll be fighting them off."

But not so much as a tongue in sight.

Well, I mean, if you fancy...

...anything.

I could always...

Oh, don't be ridiculous, Bernard.

- I'm not that desperate.

- No, right. Of course.

Fair enough.

It's a good point.

Bye!

Have a lovely, lovely time!

Bye!

Where are you staying tonight,

Charles?

Scarlett and I are at some pub.

The Lucky Boat, something like that.

Aren't we all?

No. Slight change of plan.

The others are coming

back to my place.

Nansy's there. Might cook us eggs and

back over a late-night Scrabble.

Wondered if you'd like to join.

Yeah, great. Thanks very much.

Is there room for Scarlett?

Oh, absolutely.

Tommy, are you the richest man

in England?

No, no!

I believe we're about seventh.

The queen, obviously.

And that Branson bloke's

doing terribly well.

Well, excellent news.

I'll go tell Scarlett.

Yeah.

That's...

...unless you get lucky first.

Forget about it! Get out of it!

Get out. Go on!

Hi.

Hi. Hi! I thought you'd gone.

Not yet. I was just wondering

where you were staying tonight.

Well...

I was staying at some pub called

The Lucky...

...Boat or something like that.

- Boatman.

Right.

But now I'm going to stay at some

friend's house with some friends.

Well, I think enormous castle is

a more accurate description.

That's too bad because

I'm at The Boatman.

Well, it was nice...

...not quite meeting you.

It was a great speech.

Thanks.

Well, I'm going now.

No! No, no, don't go.

We can meet now.

The evening's just getting going.

We both know that's a big lie.

F***.

The castle beckons, I think, Tom.

Are you sober?

Absolutely. Orange juice all night.

Come on.

Bye, everybody!

Bernard!

Stand by your man

Wah, wah, wah, wah

And tell the world

You love him

And give him

All the love you can

Stand by...

Tom, can you stop the car?

Stop the car!

Sorry. Sorry.

I just think I might...

...stay in that pub after all.

Why on earth?

No, seriously. I'm researching

pubs with "boat" in the title.

I hope to produce the definitive work.

- Please yourself.

- It's a silly thing, you know?

Right.

Odd decision.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi.

Turned out there wasn't

room for all of us.

You said it was a castle.

No, it is a castle.

It's just a very, very small one.

Tiny. Just one up,

one down, which is rare.

Drink, sir?

Yeah. I'd like a glass

of whiskey, please. Thanks.

- Do you want?

- Yeah, sounds good.

- Make another one for the lady.

- Doubles, sir?

Thanks.

You here too? How are you?

Hello. I'm fine.

- Haven't seen Carrie, have you?

- Who?

Carrie. American girl.

Lovely legs.

Wedding guest. Nice smell.

No. Sorry.

Damn. Blast.

I think I was in there.

If you see her, could you

tell her I've gone to my room?

Yeah, yeah.

- Your whiskey, sir.

- Thank you.

And one for the...

Road. Lovely.

I think I might have one.

Mind if I join you?

No. It'd be lovely.

Another glass of whiskey

and a cigar.

Hold on. Make that a bottle.

We might as well settle in. Let's

see if we can push on till dawn.

- Lovely wedding.

- Yes, yes.

I was at school with his brother

Bufty. Tremendous bloke.

He was head of my house.

Buggered me senseless.

Taught me things about life.

Where you know him from?

University.

Splendid. Splendid. Yep.

I didn't go myself.

I couldn't see the point.

When you're working the money markets

what use is Wordsworth gonna be?

Excuse me. Your wife says,

"Could you come upstairs at once?"

Room 12, in case you can't remember.

- My wife?

- Yes, sir.

Oh, my wife! My wife!

You are drunk. You can't

remember you got a wife.

Yeah, yeah.

- Do you mind if I?

- No, no. Off you go.

- Best of luck.

- Thanks.

Lucky bachelor me, I'll have another

search for that Katie creature.

- Carrie.

- That's the one. Damn fine filly.

I think I'm in there.

- Hi.

- Hello.

Sorry about that.

That's fine.

He was hard to get rid of.

Yeah.

So...

Maybe we could just...

...skulk around here

for a bit, and then...

...go back down.

Now that's a thought.

I don't usually skulk a lot...

...but I suppose I could skulk if

skulking were required.

Do you skulk regularly?

No. No, I don't normally...

...think of myself as a skulker,

but...

Well, why don't you come in

and skulk for a while...

...and we'll see.

I noticed the bride and groom

didn't kiss in the church...

...which is kind of strange.

Where I come from, kissing is

very big.

Is it? Yes, well, you're right.

We probably are more reserved.

"You may now kiss the bride," isn't

in the book of common prayer.

I always worry I'll go too far

in the heat of the moment.

How far do you think

too far would be, then?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe...

That would be all right.

That would be fine.

In fact, it might be

a bit dismissive.

Maybe this...

...would be better.

Yeah, I think it would be dangerous

to take it any further.

I mean...

You know...

That might be taking it

a little far.

What about this?

You think the vicar would think things

had slipped a bit out of his control?

I think he might.

This kind of thing is really

better suited...

...to the honeymoon than

to the service itself.

Why do you think

it's called a honeymoon?

I don't know. I suppose it's...

..."honey" because it's sweet

as honey.

And "moon" because it was

the first time...

...a husband got to see

his wife's bottom.

What's happening?

I have to go.

- Where?

- America.

That is a tragedy.

Just before I go...

...when were you thinking of

announcing the engagement?

Sorry. Whose engagement?

Ours.

I assumed since we slept together,

we'd be getting married.

What did you think?

What?

I...

Gosh, you know, that...

...takes a lot of thinking about,

that kind of thing.

Obviously, I'm...

You're joking.

God! For a moment there, I thought

I was in Fatal Attraction.

I thought you were Glenn Close and I'd

find my pet rabbit on the stove.

No.

But I think we've both missed

a great opportunity here.

Bye.

Oh, f***!

F***.

F***.

Fuckity, f***.

F***. F***!

- Car or taxi?

- Taxi. We could never park.

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