Fourth Man Out

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1

Today's the day.

This is it.

Whew.

All right guys, I wanna talk

to you about something.

Umm...

This isn't easy for me,

but I'm...

I'm turning 24 today,

and I think it's just time

I told you the truth.

What I mean is...

Okay so the thing is that, uh...

Hey Martha, how are you?

Adam, I hope

you like blueberries.

Oh wow. Thanks.

You didn't have to do all this.

Oh, nonsense.

It was no trouble at all.

It's just leftovers

from church group this week.

Oh yeah?

It's so nice to have a good

strong man like yourself

- that enjoys my cooking.

- Oh, thank you.

Oh and you're still free

next Saturday, right?

Oh, Saturday?

My niece is definitely

coming this time

and I have told her

all about you.

Oh yeah, about that,

I am actually...

Saturday is not really

good for me.

- Oh, you must.

- Okay, but...

- You must.

- Well there's...

- You have to.

- Can I...

- You'll be thrilled to do it.

- You know that's...

It's got to happen, I tell you.

- - Oh wait, did

I catch you at a bad time?

Oh no, it's just, it's Chris.

He's just, he's picking me up.

Oh you boys

don't get in any trouble.

Don't do anything

the good lord wouldn't do.

Okay. Thanks.

Thanks for these.

Oh I have to see Chris.

I can't do it.

I've gotta see him.

Hi, Chris.

Hey, Martha.

You have got to bang

your neighbor, man.

It is the least you can do.

Nah, it's not like

I'm keeping her tupperware.

Besides, she's trying

to set me up with her niece.

Dude, then bang

the frickin' niece, man.

What are you waiting for?

I don't think

I could do that, man.

- The thing is... dude, I don't

wanna hear your excuses.

You're too damn nitpicky.

That's why

you're on a cold streak.

I don't care

how busted this chick is,

give her your dick

and keep the muffins coming.

Yeah.

It's gonna be an awesome night.

He's 25

trying to stay alive

trying to pay rent

trying to survive

no dollars in my pocket

yeah I'm losing my mind

yeah I'm trying

to pay rent

where I'm from it's summer

when it's raining

I'm so used

to everyone complaining

I'm the one complaining

trying to make some money

so I can see the ladies

statue of Liberty,

what you gonna give to me

woo woo

whoa

whoa

- Just take the shot.

- Oh, another miss.

- Fee-fi...

- You only get two shots dude.

- Fo-fum.

- Yes!

- What's up fuckfaces?

- Get in here, homos.

We leave for the bar in an hour,

I want you blacked out

by then, all right?

Especially you, birth day boy.

Yeah.

What's the rush?

That rush is that I haven't

had a Saturday off

in over a month...

Michelle, or from work?

- Uh from both, dude.

- Uhh.

And I am going to savor

every minute of it.

By being hung over all day?

Yeah, of course.

How'd you like that video

we sent you, huh?

Oh, yeah. She was

a real screamer, man.

And then that dude like dropped

a dq blizzard on her face.

Yeah, I could never

finish those.

It was almost as bad as the one I

dropped on Ortu's mom's face

last night.

- Hey, watch the eye.

- Domination.

Oh, Adam.

You wanna get gay?

What?

You want a shot?

- I'll get gay.

- I'll get gay.

Oh, y... yeah, sure.

Birth-gay.

Birth-gay shots.

Birth-gay shots.

Boys, there are

some good-looking girls

here tonight.

Best of luck to all of you.

Happy birthday, Adam.

- Cheers.

- To Adam.

- All right.

- So, uh...

Holy tits.

You gotta be f***ing

kidding me, dude.

You guys are so lucky you

don't have girlfriends, man.

Look at those bombs.

You just bury your face in them

and be totally fine with it.

Yeah, I don't think

she'd be totally fine with it.

You don't think

they're together, do you?

I think so, man.

I don't think they're together.

Okay, so, um... what I

was saying before is-

is she looking?

- Uh, no. Look I'm...

- What about now? What about now?

Vascular as hell, bro.

Never mind.

Jeez, man.

- What's going on with you?

- Nothing.

You seem weird.

No. It's...

It's just, um...

- What?

- Um...

The girl to your right

in the Fanny pack,

she's totally

eye-f***ing you.

Yeah, right now.

I'll be right back, boys.

I got a champ.

Oh yeah, just a quick...

Quick selfie.

Is this Prada?

Uh, yeah.

Actually it is.

It cost like $2,000.

I've never touched anything

that expensive before.

I'm sorry.

Oh my god, you guys.

We need to dance, now.

We need to dance right now.

We absolutely do need to dance.

Hey, Adam. You need to dance.

Right now.

I've got a dance partner

for you, right here.

- You do?

- Uh, hi.

Hey, Adam. This is Adam,

my dancing friend.

Oh my god. You're hot.

- You're drunk.

- No, I'm not.

He's great in bed too.

Real giver.

How do you know?

What? You don't sleep

with your best friends?

That's selfish.

- Okay.

- Very selfish. I'm sorry.

Why don't you guys

make out right now?

Mm-hmm.

Okay. We'd love to.

- Should we make cut right now?

- Um...

We'll do it, if they

do it kinda thing.

- Ye... um...

- I'm waiting.

You see the thing is,

we've both been drinking.

- Yeah, we've been drinking so...

- It'd be cheap.

Cheap. Very cheap.

Cheap, if we made out.

I really have to pee.

Oh, f*** yeah.

Hey. Did you just

take a picture of me?

Umm...

I...

He was, uh...

He was...

Snapping that guy's unibrow.

You think you're f***ing

TMZ or something,

taking f***ing pictures of me?

I can't tell if he's

surprised qr mad.

Hey. You got beef,

we can step outside.

F*** that, it's cold outside.

Yeah, man.

Not all of us

wore our favorite

leather jacket to the bar.

I said, let's step outside.

What's wrong

with you? Come on.

Don't be a p*ssy.

You can do this.

Dude...

Don't yell at the little guy.

Just take a breath.

Relax your toes.

It'll come.

So you did take a picture

of my sister's chest.

You let your sister

dress like that?

That's your sister?

What's wrong with you?

- Whoa!

- Oh!

Chris!

Chris!

Listen, I know

this isn't the right time,

but...

I wanted to say that...

F*** these chicks, we gotta go.

Unibrow guy got crazy.

Let's get out of here.

Whoa.

- Okay.

- I'm so sorry.

- Oh my god.

- It's okay. It's okay.

You're fine.

- I'm gonna call you, okay?

- Okay.

- All right.

- See ya.

I'm sorry.

No, don't be sorry.

I scared him away.

I mistreated his friend.

I'm a terrible friend.

Chris.

- Chris.

- Hmm.

I'm gay.

Okay, man.

No-

I like guys.

Hmm?

I'm gay.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You okay?

You all right?

F*** man.

Yes, yeah. I'm fine.

It's...

That's not you.

It's the excessive alcohol.

What the hell's going on?

I'm hurt, man.

Adam's gay.

I gotta take a sh*t.

I... I should

just head out.

- No, no, no, no.

- No, no. It's cool. I'm gonna go.

- It's okay. Let you guys soak it in.

- No, Adam. No, dude.

No... Adam.

Adam, it's fine, man.

What the hell,

is he f***ing with us?

Adam can't be gay, the

dude eats steak every day.

He was eating out

Dorothy CUDA in the 8th grade.

Dorothy f***ing cu da.

I once saw him rebuild

the entire engine

on a '68 mustang.

Was that before

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