Freak Show Page #3

- You like it?

Okay, so, I have

to tell you about school

because, literally

literally everybody

is talking about you.

And you are a hero.

You are a martyr to the cause.

They had an assembly

at school

about hate crimes.

And a sensitivity speaker

was brought in

and she talked about tolerance.

She showed a movie

and everythin'.

A movie? Yeah, well,

that'll show 'em.

No, all those guys

who beat you up,

they got expelled.

On the spot.

Just like that.

The school now has

a zero-tolerance policy

on all hate crimes.

And it's because of you,

really, it is.

Well, whatever I can do,

I will do.

Okay, so, Flip Kelly

beat the crap

out of Bernie

the day after you were attacked

because he was laughing

about how you'd gotten

your ass kicked.

And Lynnette Franz!

She broke up

with Bo-Bo Peterson.

But nobody knows why.

Okay, did you hear

about Sesame Blixton?

No, but tell me or I'll die.

Okay. She got a boob job.

Monster snoobs.

As a 17th birthday present

from her dad!

Right? I know!

Why! Ah!

Apparently, she got

the boob job to get

Flip's attention

because she wants

to ask him to homecoming.

So how's he doin', ma'am?

A little tired but..

- Well, look who's back.

- Hey, Billy.

Actually, I, uh, gotta go.

- Feel better, Billy.

- Okay.

Come on, uh, honey,

I'll show you out.

Hey!

What'd you say your name was?

What's her name again?

I have no idea.

She's my very best friend.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

I thought I was. Hmm?

Who's been comin'

over here everyday

like he said he would?

- You have.

- Hmm.

But, you spend all your time

in the drawing room

or talking about fly fishing

with my father, so..

I know, I love it!

I can't believe

the dude hates football.

It's the only thing

we have in common.

Do you hate football?

What?

No.

Who could hate football?

Well, except you two.

I don't know,

I just don't love it

as much as everyone thinks I do.

You're leaving skid marks

on daddy's new runner.

He's gonna freak out

when he sees the mess

that you have made, young man.

What's that Goddamned noise?

Oh, ha-ha, Flip!

Here.

- Hey.

- Hey!

- Let me give you

a hand with that.

- Oh, thank you.

That "that" is your son.

How're you doin',

Mr. Bloom?

Even daddy

is under Flip's spell.

Here's what he was hoping.

That somehow

just my sheer proximity

to a manly man like Flip

will knock the sissy out of me

and maybe then, I'll gut fish

and give him grandchildren.

- Florence! Uh!

- Oh!

Apparently, Florence

is the only one

in the house

immune to Flip's charm.

Why don't you

make these boys

some of that delicious

Virginia fried chicken of yours?

What fried chick..

Why not?

- What is that?

- That is a broiled

grapefruit.

And it's not gonna

kill you, I promise.

Honestly, Billy, I think

I'd just rather have

a peanut butter

and jelly sandwich.

Oh! No way!

Hey, Mr. Bloom!

Hey, Flip! How about

a little doodle socking

tomorrow after school?

Oh, you got it!

- We're on!

- Alright, I'll

see you later.

I hope that's a fish.

It's actually

a style of fishing.

You got the best dad.

Yeah..

If you're you.

But this is the most

that I've seen or talked

to the man in seven years.

He turned on me

when I was ten years old

the first time I sashayed

across his marble floor

in his wife's satin slingbacks.

Daddy never recovered.

- That's a shoe, right?

- A-plus.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

It was very traumatic.

I was exiled from

the family after that.

No more regattas.

No more barbecues.

My life as a Bloom

had officially ended.

So, are you gonna eat

that broiled grapefruit

or what?

Dude, you got it so good.

You've no idea.

I'm so sorry,

what is so good about it?

Everything.

You can dress

however the hell you like.

You can dye your hair

orange or pink.

Sleep till noon.

No one gives a sh*t.

Yeah, but that's because

no one gives a sh*t.

Yeah, you wanna

hear about my dad?

I was eight.

I skipped out on Pop Warner.

I wanted to go

to the comic book store.

My dad found me there.

I've never seen him so pissed.

In front of all my friends

he pulled down my pants

and beat me raw.

Oh.

I couldn't sit down for a week.

- That's terrible.

- It gets worse.

He made me burn all my comics.

Every single one of them

and, dude

I had this

Amazing Spider-Man 252.

That would be worth

bank right now.

What a prick.

"Man is many things,

but he is not rational."

- Oscar Wilde.

- Mm-hmm.

- Mm-hmm.

- I love that line.

What would you do if you

didn't play football?

Don't laugh.

Who could I laugh at?

I'd be an artist.

I knew it.

How could you?

I have a gift for the obvious.

Besides, you were

practically drooling

over daddy's Jackson Pollock.

I think you like football

as much as I like

eating with my fingers.

Alright, is it time for you

to roll around the backyard?

Twice a day.

Let's do it. Come on.

On your right

is the historic home

of the Bloom family.

They are one

of the city's

founding families.

Now, that's a naughty monkey.

Welcome to the jungle, baby.

You need to eat.

Merci beaucoup.

I didn't choose to be fabulous.

Fabulous chose me.

Arm.

I was thinking maybe

you could be a little

less fabulous tomorrow.

- Just tone it down

a little.

- What?

I just think if the guys

got to know you

the way I do

then your situation

at school might get

a whole lot better.

Less ostrich feather,

a little more Wrangler.

And, uh..

N.. Say it.

I'm sure it'll only be insulting

for the first minute or two.

Just, uh, lay off the, uh..

The, the, "Hey, girl."

Why don't we save that

for after school

and stick to chicks,

cars and zombie flicks

from 8:
30 to 3:00?

So, you want me to change

who I am for them?

No, for me.

I think we've established

that I'd do pretty much

anything for him.

I'll think about it.

- Ta-da. I'm done.

- Finally.

Flip, it is beyond beyond.

- This is...

- Yeah?

Oh, I like that shoe.

It's really beautiful.

Thank you.

Well, look at you.

It was Flip's idea.

You know, you'll never

be able to get

what you want from a boy

like Flip Kelly.

Florence, we're just friends.

And I don't want

anything more

from that relationship.

Really, I don't need love.

Or sex or physical attention.

I'm perfectly happy

with things

the way they are.

Thank you very much.

Well, you might be able

to tell that to yourself

but you can't tell that

to old Florence.

What.. Uh!

Your lunch. Hello?

Would it kill you

to cut off the crust?

I can't. I can't.

- Yes, you can.

- I can't.

Yes, you can. Trust me.

How can I face them

after what they did

to me, huh?

How can they face you?

That's their sh*t, Billy.

Come on. I got your back.

It's great

to have you back, Billy.

Translation,

"Please don't sue me."

For the yearbook, Billy.

Whatever I can do for you..

I'll let you know,

Mrs. Monusky.

- I'll let you know.

- Okay, class?

Ready? Okay!

B-I-L-L-Y.

Who's our high school's

favorite guy?

- Billy!

- Billy.

Peace be with you.

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