Freaky Friday Page #7

You look fantastic.

Why?

Are you canceling the session?

No, Kevin.

Evan!

Evan. Evan.

So, shall we go in here

and do it?

Are you gonna get that?

No.

Oh, so you

don't answer your phone.

I told you I wouldn't be able

to call you on your honeymoon,

but you lied to me.

You're a liar!

I'll get it.

Yo.

What?

$ ? For what?

Halibut!

Ew!

What kind of caterer are you?

It's disgusting.

Well, I'm not gonna pay for it.

Okay, fine. Don't show up.

See if I care.

Yeah, I'm canceling.

Yeah, well, same to you, dude.

So, Ethan.

Evan!

Evan.

I knew that.

Bates. I've seen him before.

Where have I seen him before?

Like, every day

in this torture chamber.

So, did you talk to your mom?

Today is a lovely day

for a pop quiz.

All of you should have finished

reading "Hamlet" by now.

I'm going to ask each

one of you one question,

and you will be graded

according to your answer.

Oh, thank God it's "Hamlet."

I was in that play in high...

I just know the play.

Like that'll help you.

Mr. Waters, describe

the character of Hamlet.

Hamlet.

He's, uh...

he's one of the big characters.

I mean, he's Hamlet.

He's just bopping around,

doesn't know which way's up.

I don't think

the guy's got a clue.

You mean to say

that he is a man...

Yeah.

Who couldn't make up his...

- mind.

- Mind.

Exactly.

Very good.

All right.

- "B."

- Yeah.

Ms. Coleman.

Yes, Mr. Bates?

What are the central

conflicts in "Hamlet"?

Well, political, of course,

because Claudius usurped

his father's throne.

Oedipal, because of the

undercurrents with his mother.

Then there is the timeless

question of insanity.

Is he really seeing his father's

ghost, or is he simply mad?

That is seriously overreaching.

"F."

- "F"?

- "F."

Mr. Franelli, who is Fortinbras?

I started reading your new book,

and it just makes me feel

really depressed.

And how do you feel about that?

Depressed.

[Mumbling incoherently]

And how do you feel about that?

She and her best friend

aren't speaking, Doctor.

And in her diary,

she keeps mentioning this boy.

How do you feel about that?

Well, I'm worried.

You read her diaries?

Oh, that's gross!

That's bad.

"Bad Mom" award.

But I'm concerned, Doctor,

that she and this boy might be,

I mean, you know.

Stop! Stop!

Nothing is going on

between her and this guy.

If there was, she wouldn't be

writing about it.

She'd be out there doing it.

Her best friend

probably isn't talking to her

because she probably

likes this guy, too.

And he probably flirted

with her a little,

but he secretly

likes your daughter.

He hasn't made his move yet

because that wouldn't be cool.

So now her best friend is

acting like some psycho freak.

Okay?

That's very interesting.

I never would have

thought about it that way.

Cool.

Guess we're done.

Mr. Bates, may I please

speak with you?

I think that would be fairly

pointless, but go ahead.

By what stretch

of the imagination...

I mean, like, how could I,

like, get an "F"?

What mistakes did I make?

Grading is subjective.

That was

a college-level analysis.

And you're qualified

to make that assessment?

I most certainly am.

Well, in the words of Hamlet,

"What's done is done."

That's "Macbeth,"

you know-nothing twit.

Bates.

Elton Bates.

Griffith High School.

How do you know that?

Well, you asked me,

I mean, my mom to the prom,

but she turned you down.

This is not

an appropriate subject.

You're taking it out

on her daughter, aren't you?

I don't know

what you're talking about.

It was a high school dance.

You've got to let it

go and move on, man.

And if you don't, I'm sure the

school board would love to hear

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