Freaky Friday Page #2

my mom's even rottener

than yours.

Mothers don't understand

what a person goes through.

I'm an individual.

I can't eat what I want,

wear what I want,

keep my hair and nails

the way I want!

Last night we had it out.

"Listen!" I screamed.

I'm not a screamer.

"You're not letting me

have any fun.

You're always pushing me,

telling me what to do.

How come nobody ever gets

to tell you what to do?"

"Annabel," I said.

"When you're grown-up, people

don't tell you what to do.

You have to tell yourself."

Which is sometimes

more difficult.

"Oh, yeah," I said

in this bitter tone.

That always blows her mind.

"Yeah, you can tell yourself

to watch TV all day,

go to lunch with friends,

eat what you want

or go to big parties

or movies with Dad."

"And do the laundry,"

I reminded her.

"And the shopping

and the cooking.

Make things nice for everybody."

Honestly, Bill, that child has

not got a clue about my life.

Not a single clue.

Sounds like a picnic to me.

TOGETHER:
I wish I could

switch places with her

for just one day.

[Mysterious music plays]

All right, what's going on

out there?

Something really freaky.

ANNABEL:

Wait a minute.

That's not my voice.

That's Mom's voice.

Hey, what's the matter with you?

Good grief.

What am I doing here?

ELLEN:
That's not my voice.

That's Annabel's voice.

Are you okay, Annabel?

Annabel?

You all right, Ellen?

ANNABEL:

Ellen?

Hey, whose foot is that?

That's not my foot.

That's Mom's foot.

ELLEN:
Good grief.

That's not my hand.

That's Annabel's.

ANNABEL:

Mom's legs.

And her stomach.

And her, uh...

uh...

Wow.

Mom's body has got

my mind in it.

ELLEN:
Annabel's body

has got my mind in it.

ANNABEL:

I'm Mom.

ELLEN:

I'm Annabel.

ANNABEL:

Hi, Mom.

I love your teeth.

Annabel, say something.

ELLEN:
Who can talk

through all this scrap iron?

Could I trouble you

for a dime, dear?

"Could I trouble you

for a dime, dear?"

Sure.

Wow!

[Pan drops]

Ellen?

You all right?

All right?

I'm great!

[Telephone rings]

Hello?

Hello, Bill?

Yes.

Who's this?

This is...

Annabel, is that you?

Well, yes and no.

Please, if this

is some kind of a joke,

I don't have any time.

Button up and listen, Bill.

Who are you telling

to button up?

Since when do you

call me "Bill"?

What's got into you?

A lot more than you can imagine.

Please, Bill.

Annabel, stop that!

I am not "Bill" to you!

[Sighs] All right.

Dad.

All right.

Now, that's better.

What do you want?

- How's Ellen?

- Ellen?

Mom, I mean.

Is she all right?

Feeling all right?

Annabel, please, if this

is some kind of game...

No, it's very important.

Would you take a look?

Hang on.

[Up-tempo music plays

on radio]

Yeah, she is acting

a little funny.

She's blowing bubbles

and hopping up and down.

ELLEN:

Hopping?

I suppose it would look like

hopping to the waltz king.

Who's that on the horn?

Oh, that's Annabel.

She wants to know

if you're feeling all right.

Are you, honey?

Oh, I feel terrific.

How does she feel?

She's worried about you.

Maybe she ought to come home.

No, tell her absolutely not.

Childhood is the best time

in a person's life.

Today I want her

to enjoy every minute.

Especially the big typing test.

Oh, yeah.

Tell her I hope she does

well in the hockey game.

That is an important playoff.

If she messes up,

everybody will hate me.

Her.

Dear, your mother says...

I heard her, Daddy.

Goodbye.

- Hi, Virginia.

- Hi.

Come on, Annabel,

let's move out.

You guys are my friends, right?

- I've got to talk to you.

- So talk.

Now, girls, you're not

children any longer.

I feel I can speak

with you as adults.

You're intelligent enough

to grasp

exactly what I have to

say to you right now.

What is this?

It's your usual "Rum Raisin

Banana Split" breakfast.

Figures.

What else would the junk-food

junkie eat for breakfast?

That is about the most

revolting concoction

I've ever put inside my mouth.

You see something different?

Something different?

You see I am

diametrically different

from the Annabel you know.

Correct?

All right.

Listen very carefully.

I'm not Annabel.

Who are you?

I'm her mother.

Oh, that's sensational!

Today we'll be our mothers.

Virginia, dear,

do something with your hair.

Don't scuff your shoes.

No, I mean it.

I'm Mrs. Andrews.

Oh, me too, darling.

I'm not Jo-Jo.

I'm Mrs. John Mayberry.

I love it.

Give me a pack

of menthols, please.

Are you kidding?

Don't be fresh with me,

young man.

I'll report you to the manager.

[Sarcastically]

Oh, no!

JO-JO:

You're terrific, Annabel.

You ought to be in Drama class.

Hurry along, children.

You'll miss the bus.

There's only one thing wrong

with this routine.

Our mothers couldn't get through

the day like we put in.

What did you say?

- Right on, Annabel.

- Our mothers couldn't hack it.

Your mother wouldn't make it

through first period, Bambi.

For sure.

I can just picture my mom

trying to handle Miss McGuirk.

Or Ms. Murphy in typing.

They'd freak out.

My mother would not freak out.

Believe me.

You're really weird.

Just a few minutes ago...

Young lady,

a great deal has transpired

in the last few minutes.

BAMBI:

You really have that down.

I like this game.

- Children, don't tarry.

- Yes, we mustn't miss our bus.

ELLEN:

Are they kidding?

What's so tough

about a simple school day?

You coming, Annabel?

You bet she is.

I am.

ELLEN:

Okay, what'll it be, lover boy?

You said scrambled eggs.

Sorry. I don't have time

to wash a messy scrambled pan.

Fried?

Cooking's not my thing today.

You can eat this.

Oh, I can't.

That's Annabel's sugar-coated

Snappy Krackles,

which she bought with her money

to eat when she watches

television.

She'll kill me if I eat them.

ANNABEL:

What a nerd.

Annabel wants you to eat

her sugar-coated

Snappy Krackles.

- She does?

- She does.

I ought to know.

Move it.

You'll be late for school.

Bye, Mommy.

ANNABEL:

Yuck!

Hon, I want you to do

something for me

for the ceremony.

Besides water-ski?

- What?

- What?

You've never been on water skis.

I was only kidding, Daddy.

"Daddy"? You never called me

"Daddy" before.

No. I never will again,

Bill, dear.

Are you feeling all right?

- Never better.

- Good.

Hmm.

Better bring me a change

of wardrobe for tonight.

White slacks.

A maroon tie.

See if you can find

my matching socks.

Are you sure

you're all right?

Fine. Fine.

Where was I?

I was finding

your matching socks.

Oh, yeah.

- My white shoes.

- White shoes.

- Blue blazer.

- Blue blazer.

It might need a trip

to the cleaners.

That shirt with

the ruffles down the front?

Be careful when you press it.

It's pure silk, you know.

Anything else?

Now that you ask.

If the shoes need a polish,

I'd appreciate it.

Of course.

Thatagirl.

I do my job,

you do yours, right?

ANNABEL:

Oink, oink, Daddy.

Well, maybe Mom will enjoy

being in my shoes.

ELLEN:
No wonder Annabel

runs around barefooted.

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