Freaky Friday Page #3

These sneakers feel

like they're full of marbles.

You're right about your hair.

My mom had mine all hacked off.

And now look at me.

To tell you the truth,

it's much more becoming

to you short.

Whose side are you on?

How can you expect me

to sympathize

about your horrible,

mean mother?

That's uncalled for.

I'm using your words exactly.

ELLEN:

Is that so?

Come on, girls.

Pay now, talk later.

You're holding up everything.

I don't have one

of those cards.

It's okay.

Money's perfectly acceptable.

Virginia, could you possibly?

No, I couldn't possibly.

I know you have

more change on you.

I could tell by your walk.

ELLEN:

My walk?

Oh, of course, my walk.

Oh, my God. Jeez.

Excuse me.

Sir? Thank you.

- There you go.

- Thanks.

ELLEN:
I don't believe

how dirty this foot is.

I doubt it's ever seen

a bathtub.

Hmm.

But why should it?

The sock isn't much cleaner.

ANNABEL:

Ooh.

Dumb, dribbly gook.

Yuck!

Who needs hand lotion, anyway?

Let them get old and wrinkled.

Now. What next?

How about a little makeup

for the cheeks?

Yeah, why not?

Hmm.

Sadie the painted lady.

You're lovely, my dear.

Simply lovely.

Wait till they see you

this afternoon at the marina,

sipping champagne.

Ooh, I love champagne.

Wait a minute.

I've never had champagne.

Maybe I won't like it.

Oh, well.

I'll try everything.

I wish I hadn't tried this.

Come on! Stick!

Stick, you hairy,

little monster!

Maybe I can cover them up.

Ah, forget it.

Just a touch of color.

Beautiful.

Oops.

Perfect. Just gorgeous.

It's not real.

No, it can't be.

Ridiculous.

Impossible!

What is?

Nothing.

I was just thinking.

Well, I wish you'd stop it.

Everybody's staring.

You look crazy,

talking to yourself

and waving your hands around.

Sorry.

ELLEN:

I wonder what she's doing?

She probably thinks I

spend my day snacking,

watching TV.

[Chuckles]

She'll find out.

Ha! Will she find out!

What's with her?

Something wrong with her noggin?

How would I know?

I've never seen her before

in my life.

[Muffled]

Oh, ain't that so cute?

[Groans, whines]

ANNABEL:
What's the big deal

about housework?

How tough can it be?

Toss in a little stuff here.

Toss in a little stuff there.

If it doesn't want to go,

you make it go.

That wasn't so bad.

Now for some potato chips.

A little of the boob tube.

Come on, Max.

Whoa.

MAN ON TV:

The makers of Phos Free,

the newer, brighter detergent,

bring you "Sewing with Susie."

So long, Sister Susie.

[Man speaking Spanish]

Adios, muchacho.

Wiggling, friends.

Can you wiggle like Wiggly?

Let's go.

Come on, wiggle.

Don't let go, Wiggly.

Wiggle this way.

Wiggle!

- Wiggle!

- [Loud banging]

ANNABEL:

It's alive!

Whoa, there!

- [Rings]

- Take it easy!

You're gonna be fine.

Just a little case

of the hiccups.

Hello?

Wait!

There's too much racket!

I'll have to take it

in the hall!

Thank you!

- Hello?

- [Water splashing]

Hang on. I got to hang up

in the other room.

Holy cow!

Couldn't you pick

some other day to break down?

What was the matter

when Mom was around?

You had to shake yourself

to death on my big day?

Come on, now, shape up.

[Gurgling]

Ulysses' Repair and Plumbing.

- [Dialing]

- Four.

BILL:

Hey, there! Hello?

Hey, Ellen! Ellen?

What's happening?

Hello? Operator?

[As operator] Sir, this

is a cross-wire connection.

Simply hang up.

Redial your number.

You will be able

to reach your party.

This is a recording.

BILL:

Is this my home?

Well, slow down, Mack.

Who is this, anyway?

Bill. It's Bill.

Bill? Bill who?

Oh. Oh!

Hello?

What's going on?

My husband.

Hi, there, Billy Boy.

How's it going

in the salt mines?

Never mind.

What's happening there?

Just rinsing out

a few things. Why?

Oh, okay.

Joffert, Jennings,

and the entire board

may be dropping by for drinks.

You better drive down

and pick up booze.

Booze?

Drive?

Honey, what's the matter?

Nothing.

It's just I didn't intend

to drive anywhere today, Daddy.

Bill.

At noon, after you pick up

Ben from school.

Ben?

ANNABEL:

Oh, Ape Face.

You know that slinky

black dress?

Why don't you wear that?

I got to run.

Anything else, I'll call you.

Booze?

My husband, Bill.

ANNABEL:

Iron this, polish that.

Go here, go there.

As a dad, you're super.

As a husband, you're more

like a traffic cop.

(music) Annabella couldn't find

a steady fella (music)

For pity's sake.

I got a rise

out of metal mouth.

You did not.

I can lead some people

around by the nose.

Her you can lead by the teeth.

All you need is a magnet.

One thing you need, young man,

is a good,

old-fashioned spanking.

- Give me mercy.

- Come on, Annabel.

Forget that silly game.

It's not like you.

Hi, I brought

your favorite today.

- Tuna fish and peanut butter.

- Tuna fish and peanut butter?

And grape yogurt.

Meet you at lunchtime, okay?

Sure. Okay.

ELLEN:
How sickening. No wonder

she never eats at home.

You can't eat with Gordy.

Remember we have

band practice at noon?

What a shame.

ELLEN:
Now let's see

how tough this really is.

Wait a minute.

Where am I going?

Oh, schedule, schedule,

schedule.

Let's see.

I'll be lucky if I can read

her writing, that's for sure.

"Friday, first period.

The Principles

of Still Photography."

Oh, sure.

The cornerstone

of a good basic education.

Well, at this stage,

the developing action

has almost been halted,

but the film

is still highly sensitive.

The safe red light continues

to serve its purpose.

And extreme caution

should be taken

to avoid any outside light

for fear of ruining

the exposed film.

Now, the next step is to...

Is this Still Photography?

Sorry I'm late.

What about the windows?

You want me to get the shades?

ELLEN:

I think we've goofed.

[Groans]

Sorry about that.

MAN ON RADIO:

That's 555-3069.

And only 2 more calls

this hour

to solve the K6500

musical mystery medley

and win over $5,000

in prizes and trips.

All right here on your music,

music, music station.

K6500.

[Up-tempo music plays

on radio]

Morning.

I said, "Good morning"!

[Cloth tears]

Mrs. Schmauss, you scared me!

I didn't hear you!

No wonder!

What with this rock 'n' roller

stuff blaring.

It gives you a headache!

[Music stops]

That's better.

Now I don't have to yell!

Ah, what a shame.

You ruined that precious outfit.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

Well, where do I start, honey?

In the kitchen.

We had a problem this morning.

What happened?

The washing machine

went bananas.

Let's take a look

and see what's going on!

Oh, no, no!

No wonder!

You're gonna cram your shirts.

And your rugs.

Ohhhh!

And your hose.

And your sneakers.

And some little tin things.

And...

What are these

little tin things?

Oh, jacks.

That's cute.

That's cute.

And all your jacks

in here together.

Not to mention,

you used too much soap.

That is your problem.

Well, that's what comes

of letting Annabel help

with the laundry.

That sweet thing,

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