Freaky Friday Page #4

trying to be helpful.

A genuine first.

Mrs. Schmauss,

get ahold of yourself.

I want you to

finish this laundry

and then sew up this

dress for tonight.

Hold it, honey!

Hold it!

When I came to work for you,

there were a couple of things

we agreed upon I don't do.

Number one is, I don't do

no personal maiding.

I see.

What is the number two thing?

Do we have to

go into that again?

Just give me a refresher on it.

What is the number two thing

you won't do?

The number two thing

I don't do is,

I don't pick up pigpens.

That's an honor I reserve

for the mother of the pig.

Well, look at this.

Dirty clothes.

Ahh.

Banana peel.

Half a paperback.

And now we get to see

what's behind

curtain number three.

A bicycle pump.

A broken water ski.

A tin shovel.

All right.

Begin.

ELLEN:

This is a snap.

Hey, Bambi.

Psst! Bambi.

There's something wrong

with my machine.

Well, turn it on.

What do you mean?

It's a typewriter,

not a television.

An electric typewriter

needs electricity.

Dummy.

ELLEN:

Electric?

[Chuckles] Oh, well,

how different can it be?

This is ridiculous!

Annabel, what's the trouble?

Small mechanical problem here.

Go use one of

the other machines.

I'll give you

a few extra minutes.

[Doorbell buzzing]

Mrs. Schmauss, would you...

That's another thing

I don't do. Answer doorbells!

All right, already!

I'm coming! I'm coming!

Right over there, baby.

Your car, Mrs. Andrews.

Washed, lubed,

and I changed the oil.

Oh, thanks...

Lloyd.

$ 14.50.

A check will be good.

Check?

ANNABEL:

How many years for forgery?

Will you take cash?

Yeah. Some people

still use that.

Okay, just a second.

I have to get my mother's...

my purse.

[Doorbell rings]

Hang in there, Lloyd.

I have to...

Let me go see who's

at the other door.

Hi, Mrs. Andrews.

Right on time.

Yes, right on time.

What are you on time for?

The carpets, remember?

It's Friday.

Sure. Sure.

Just slipped my mind.

Cool it, Max.

Care where we start?

Just pick a carpet.

Can I get my $ 14.50,

Mrs. Andrews?

Yeah, I forgot.

I'll get the $ 14.50.

Excuse me, fellas.

I'll find it, Lloyd.

Any of you fellas got $ 14.50

you could loan me?

Hey, you got $ 14.50?

Come on.

MRS. SCHMAUSS:

There you are.

And while we're on the subject.

I have something else

to tell you, Mrs. "A."

That kid has no discipline.

And a kid without discipline

is the fault of the mother

and the father.

Not necessarily, Mrs. Schmauss.

ANNABEL:

What am I saying?

[Doorbell buzzes]

Hi!

Oh, how do you do,

Mrs. Gilbert?

Oh, feel free to call me

Mary Kay anytime.

Oh, yeah. Mary Kay!

Listen,

I need the hair drier.

Sure. Borrow mine.

No, yours is broken.

You borrowed mine yesterday.

Yeah! Here.

Hold Max.

It must be

around here someplace.

- In the kitchen?

- I'm sure it is.

I've seen it time and again

with you saucy liberals.

That kid'll be on dope

before you know it!

Oh, what makes you so sure,

Mrs. Schmauss?!

Mrs. Andrews, can I...

Oh, yes, $ 14.50

and the hair drier.

You got a pair of pliers?

[Doorbell ringing]

Ohhhh!

Listen, you, here.

You hold Max.

While you're looking

for the hair drier,

find this gentleman the pliers.

I have to find the door.

I wanted my hair drier.

- Hi, Mrs. Andrews.

- Hi.

Bet you thought

you'd never see us again.

Brought your nice,

clean draperies back.

Pick a window that's empty

and put them on it.

MRS. SCHMAUSS:
Just in case

you're interested, Mrs. Andrews.

You want to know how it starts?

I'll tell you how it starts.

Remember Wednesday

when you asked me

if I saw that half bottle

of gin on the bar?!

I suppose that was your way

of accusing me

of drinking your liquor.

Yes, probably was.

Aha. Well, I have

a secret for you.

[Doorbell buzzing]

Excuse me.

Mrs. Andrews,

we've run into a problem here.

Grab a number!

Get in line!

But do you know

who's drinking your gin?!

Annabel, huh?

You said it.

I didn't.

Hey, action city.

You're fired!

That suits me fine!

Not now, Mrs. Schmauss!

After you finish

my daddy's shirts.

Do them yourself!

You traitor!

Your mop stinks!

Could I just get my $ 14.50?

What about my hair drier?!

Here's your dog, lady!

Maybe we'll come back

some other time.

Ellen, my hair drier!

We got to move

the china cabinet.

You owe me $ 14.50.

My hair drier!

The hair drier!

Ellen!

[Whistle blowing]

[Marching band plays]

That typing teacher

was highly indignant.

She just could not accept

that it was

an unfortunate accident.

Sorry I missed it.

Sounds like it was a blast.

What a trying day.

I don't know what to expect.

Nothing, as long as

you're ready for McGuirk.

"Mc" who?

McGuirk.

English. Term paper.

Oh, no.

What's wrong, Annabel?

It's due today.

Don't you have one?

No. What'll I do?

You better cut English.

I'll tell McGuirk you went

to the nurse with a headache.

Should I actually do that?

No, you nerd.

She might send you home.

ELLEN:

That's a good idea.

You can't go home.

The big hockey game's today.

Everyone's counting on you.

Hockey?!

ELLEN:

Those kids will kill me.

I think I do feel

a sick headache coming on.

Hey, we're up.

[Plays off-key]

[Whistle blows]

[Whistle blows]

Annabel!

Do you know where you are?!

No. But if you hum a few bars,

maybe I can pick it out.

The buffet is set up onshore.

But I thought that our clients

and the investors

would have more fun

with the show itself

by watching it from this float.

There's an overall picture

of the property.

A good view of the shoreline.

And there's an excellent

viewing position

for the fireworks display

and, of course, the aquacade.

I think we should've held out

for the professional

water-skiers.

I can assure you there's

gonna be a top-notch show.

My daughter and her club

have been rehearsing.

This is a big account.

You're sure these kids

aren't in over their heads?

Mr. Joffert, I can assure you

it's gonna be

very, very, very good.

And, well, if I

do say so myself,

my daughter Annabel

is the star of the show.

You really should see her.

I can hardly wait.

[Intercom buzzes]

Excuse me.

Hello?

It's my wife.

Hi, honey.

Well, if you fired her,

you fired her.

I don't understand

why you're worried

about how upset

your mother's gonna be.

Your mother lives in Dayton.

I could've told you

she was a heavy drinker.

That's not her mother.

That's someone else.

Listen, honey, I'm busy now.

Mechanic, too?

The carpet cleaners?

And the drapery man?

Is the dog still there?

No, I know that's

not funny, Ellen.

Now, look, I'll take care

of everything later.

Honey, I got to go!

No, look, no.

I'll see you

at the marina at 5:00.

Don't forget my clothes.

Yeah, goodbye.

What do you think, Max?

At least there's no ring

around the collar.

Okay.

Oh, great.

He's gonna kill me.

I quit!

I really quit.

ANNABEL:

I'm with Mrs. Schmauss.

I don't do personal

maiding either.

Everybody around here

has had breakfast but me.

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