Friday After Next Page #2

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Tight-ass pants, man! Sh*t!

Look how tight

these motherfucking pants are.

I can't even do

the James Brown in these pants.

Good. I don't want

to see you do the James Brown.

We ain't never gonna get

no p*ssy in these clothes.

I'm gonna get some.

Tasha, how we look?

Like a couple of rent-a-cops.

What about them rent-a-tits?

See, the clothes don't make the player,

the player make the clothes.

Rent-a-cops get p*ssy, too.

I'm not no rent-a-cop,

I'm a Top Flight Security

and don't you never forget it.

I swear, the first motherf***er

get out of hand...

- I'm gonna beat the--

- Sh*t!

Craig and Day-Day.

Just the niggas I need to see.

Yo, what's up, O.G., triple O.G.,

O.G. triple, triple...O.G.?

You got out last night?

I ain't seen y'all

in about 12 years, nigga.

I was little. I was about--

You're grown up now, though.

Give a nigga a hug, dawg.

I'm about to go--

lt's cool, dawg, it's cool. Come here.

Yeah, right there.

- Group hug, nigga.

- Come on, Craig.

All right, come here.

Get your ass over here.

Talk to you for a minute.

What's up, dawg?

lt's good to be home,

'cause in the prison, dawg,

ain't nothin' but the fellas, nigga.

- That's what I heard.

- I swear, man.

We got to care about each other.

That's right.

Somebody go get my mother!

I heard you motherfuckers

ain't paid your rent this month.

Ducking and dodging

my moms and sh*t!

Get your tittie off my chin!

Show up here tonight

without that rent money,

and we gonna get

real motherfucking acquainted.

You dig?

- I can't breathe, I swear to God!

- He can't breathe!

Do you dig?!

I'm feeling you, dawg. Trust me.

- Digging it.

- Good, good.

'Cause I'm gonna

only say this sh*t once.

Come on, man, let's go.

Y'all look good in your little

tight-ass rent-a-cop outfits.

Merry Christmas, niggettes.

Sh*t, man! That's bullshit, man.

He's gonna try and do

something strange to us!

I'm gonna think of something.

That's f***ed up, man.

He might do something strange

to you, though.

Puff-puff and give, motherf***er.

This is good sh*t.

I ain't gonna be your mother--

- Damn!

- Hurry up!

About a yean ago.

my Pops quit his dog-catching job

and went into business

with my Uncle Elroy.

They opened up a spot

called Bros. Barb-B-Q.

''Tastes so good.

make you wanna slap youn mama. ''

You might've

seen the commencial.

Y'all tired of that barbecue

from up the street.

where they give you

more sauce than meat?

Bning youn big ass down

to Bros. Bar-B-Q.

That's right off Manciesten.

Bros. Bar-B-Q. Tastes so good.

make you want to slap youn mama!

Don't it. Willie?

Yeah. boy. Hey. Mama.

What the hell you want?

Ain't but one location.

so it's nearest you.

You might've missed it.

They only had enough money

for a 15-second spot.

But. anyway. my Pops

got me and Day-Day

thesejobs

at the same strip mall

as Christmas-help security.

Look, Day-Day,

we only security guards, okay?

Ghetto security guards at that.

We ain't Cops.

we ain't America's Most Wanted.

NYPD Blue.

none of that sh*t you watch.

We something like them.

No. Nothing like it.

All we gonna do--take it easy,

make this money,

you're gonna watch your temper--

I ain't got to watch sh*t!

You gonna treat people right,

talk to people right.

You can get your ass kicked

around here real quick.

I don't care about it

getting out of hand.

I ain't getting into sh*t

because of you.

This is a job, man.

This ain't an adventure.

This is real, and I'm gonna

let you know, I'm not having it.

Everybody's a suspect today.

And I told you, I'm a player.

I don't care about none of that.

Damn!

Get your ass out, player.

F***, you remedial!

- What does that mean?

- Retarded!

- That wasn't nothing.

- Dumb-ass, let's go.

I mess up all the time.

Come here! Look!

- That's him!

- Let's get that mother!

Get him! Kick him!

- Craig! Day-Day!

- Uncle Willie!

What the hell you doing to me?

What's happening?

Man, I didn't know!

Pop, I thought

you were somebody else!

Willie, what are you doing

to them boys back there?

Nothing! I'm counting

money at the register.

These fools

knock the hell out of me...

We made a mistake. Day-Day

ran in and jumped on Daddy!

He's lying!

Why you boys

beating up on Santa Claus?

He broke in our house

and stole our presents.

- And Craig let him do it!

- Why, Craig?

- Why blame me?

- 'Cause you did!

I tried to fight him, and Day-Day...

I was screaming,

he wouldn't even help.

What did you do, Day-Day?

Nothing!

He stayed asleep the whole time.

Can I tell my story?

I ain't done sh*t, but he could have

did something about it!

What did he look like?

Like Bobby Brown

in a goddamned Santa Claus suit!

I heard about him.

They call him

the ''Santa Clause Crook.''

He robbed a lady

in the parking lot last week.

He called her

a ''ho ho ho'' and kept running.

Who the f*** are you?

I'm Cookie, the new waitress,

and, um...

Elroy's new girlfriend.

You got another one?

You're gonna catch something!

You should have kept

Sugar's nasty ass. What happened?

I kicked her country ass

to the curb.

Hooked up with her little sister.

That's how we players roll!

Elroy, read my lips--

you ain't no player!

You don't know nothing

about being a player.

Betty done had your ass

p*ssy-whipped for about 30 years!

Nobody got me p*ssy-whipped.

l...whips...p*ssy!

You boys look really good

with your rent-a-cop outfits on.

Yes, very attractive.

This is Top Flight Security.

We ain't no rent-a-cops.

Daddy, how I look?

- Like a damn snitch!

- Man, that's cold!

Look like you're ready

to tell on somebody right now!

Where's your flashlight at?

You're supposed to have one.

You've got to shine some damn body!

We're supposed to get handcuffs,

flashlights, taser guns--

Two German shepherds.

Y'all must not know what happened

to the last security guards.

Mama's in the kitchen with the sauce.

Aw, sh*t! The sauce! Move, girl!

What happened

to the other two sec--

Wait a minute!

Go say hello to your grandmother.

Come on, let's go. Move your big ass!

What happened with

the last two security guards?

- Wake up, Mama.

- What the hell you want?

You burned the sauce again.

Give me the spoon.

Nobody's gonna hit you.

You've lost your mind

since Willie slapped you.

Damn, what happened to her?

You should never have let her

into the commercial, anyway.

Got no business working.

You're the one

gave her a concussion, Willie.

- You were supposed to be acting.

- I should have smacked you!

How's she doing?

Hey, Big Mama, you all right?

- Who are you?

- lt's Craig, Mama.

- Who Craig?

- Don't worry about it.

Your oldest grandson.

The smart one, not Day-Day.

She's still having blackouts

and blurred vision.

Bet you remember Day-Day!

Why you always

playing with her all the time?

That's enough

damn salt there, Willie.

I know what I'm doing.

Don't nobody want all that salt

in their potato salad!

Y'all argue too much!

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