Friday After Next Page #3

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What's wrong with y'all?

Y'all should get married.

Why are you in so much

competition with me?

You jealous, Willie.

I can't help it!

I look better than you do!

You don't.

- I cook better than you.

- You can't.

- My dick is bigger than yours.

- lt was cold that night.

Think--last year at this time,

you had won the Lotto,

over $1 million.

Anybody else would be living

in the French Riviera.

You're back here

cooking pigs' feet with me

at Bros. B-B-B-Bar-B-Q.

You tied-tongued dog catcher!

You best check on the sauce.

Mama's out on her feet again.

Dumb-ass dog catcher.

''I'm a Lotto stud.

Lotto f***ing stud.''

So after Pops and Unc argued

for another 15 minutes.

it was time

to meet our new boss.

His name is Moly.

He ran the whole strip mall

and owned Holy Moly Donuts.

But trust me. don't even. even. even.

even. even. even. even eat there.

We'll take the usual, Moly.

How you doing, boy?

Good, buddy.

Merry Christmas, buddy.

Happy Hanukkah. L'claim.

These are my boys.

I'll be with you

in just one minute, buddy.

Take your time.

Just be still.

What's up? How's business?

Everything is wonderful. Yeah, boy!

Have you seen our commercial?

Barbecue so good, makes you

want to smack your mama.

- What the fu--

- Hey, buddy!

What the f*** wrong with you?

Sorry, buddy. Reaction.

Hey, guys, I hear

someone's looking for a job.

I want to ask a question.

l...okay.

When we get our guns?

No guns. You are Top Flight

unarmed security guards.

- What about walkie-talkies?

- And flashlights?

Whoever catch the girl back there

giving head behind the trash can?

I have to come back there

with the flashlight and catch her.

You are supposed to be tough guys.

You don't need gadgets, huh?

All you need is this here.

lf there's any problems,

you just blow. Toot-toot!

These guys are here

all the time. They come running.

Goddamn, Craig!

- Can we have more donuts?

- Please.

See? Very quick

response time, huh?

You guys ready for tour of property?

Give me a twister. Make it two.

Hold the flies.

Keep up. Come on.

One-two, one-two, one-two.

Come on.

Since you've been here many times,

I'm gonna make it short and sweet.

Buddy, come on.

As you know, this here is my place.

This is

the Holy Moly Donut Shop, huh?

Say it with me, guys--

''Holy Moly Donut Shop.''

Very good. You get one

free bear claw every lunch break.

- Come on, guys.

- Come on, come on.

Okay.

Over here is the Chrome Dome.

You got cars, they got rims.

This, of course, is your

family business, Bros. Bar-B-Q.

That's check cashing.

No l.D. required.

This one here

is a brand-new store.

lt's Pimps and Hos--

some kind of flashy clothing.

- Damn!

- Damn!

Who is that?

That's Donna.

She's the owner's girlfriend.

He's a funny-dressing kind of guy

from out of town or something.

He's kind of a pig, though.

He treat her like sh*t, man.

I would love for her

to be one of my wives, huh?

Damn, how many wives you got?

Me? 12, buddy.

Yeah. All of them freaks, too, huh?

# Freaks come out at night,

what, what, what? #

# Freaks come out at night... #

Whodini. You know Who--

Yeah, buddy! Okay!

He's a character. Real big character.

He's short but big.

# Hold up, wait a minute,

let me put some pimping in it #

He's funny-looking, huh?

I don't know. Why he dress like this?

How are you? Doesn't matter.

Get the trunk.

Thank you.

He's got problems.

Quickly, now, quickly.

Got a business to run.

Hey, buddy.

And don't drag that coat.

lt costs more than you do.

Okay, and over here,

this is a liquor store.

Don't let nobody hang out

in front of liquor store.

Nobody, buddy.

Nobody.

And this is your booth.

Any questions?

- l've got one question.

- What's up, buddy?

What happened to the last guards

that worked here?

You ask too many questions, man.

lt's time to get to work.

Remember, you guys are

Top Flight security guards,

best in the whole world, huh?

You have to defend this whole place

with your own life.

And I'll die for this sh*t, too.

Remember, Christmas Eve

means lots of shoppers.

lf there's any trouble,

you come get me--

when you take care of it,

then come get me.

Okay, go, go. Come on.

Come on. Keep it real, huh?

When are you gonna ask him

for an advancement

on our first week's pay?

Don't worry about that.

I'll ask when the time is right.

Just keep your rabbit-ass mouth shut.

- Remember what Damon said.

- You remember what I said.

Don't start trying to outthink me,

because you're gonna hurt yourself.

Where you think you going?

- lt's small in here.

- No, you're big in here.

Get off my foot!

- Just scoot over there.

- You scoot over, man!

This sh*t is uncomfortable, man.

Can't even move in here.

So what? Just deal with it. I got to.

What are we gonna do now?

Sit here and wait

for something to happen.

Not me.

That sh*t is boring, man.

Good. I like boring.

Easy money for us.

I hope

don't nothing happen all day.

We can sit and watch these females

shop till they drop.

Matter of fact, watch out.

Ain't this a b*tch?

I'm waiting on some action to jump off.

You heard what Mr. Moly said.

We Top Flight

security of the world, Craig!

Sh*t! Not just the city, the world!

Been jacked by Santa Claus,

all kind of sh*t.

They need security

in the world, Craig!

Sh*t!

For one thing, calm down.

Slow your roll.

Don't let that man pump you up

and get your ass shot out here.

We ain't no damn

Top Flight security of the world!

We Craig and Day-Day,

so just kick back, relax--

You heard what happened

to the last security guards.

You didn't even hear what happened,

so how the f*** was I gonna hear it?

Just do your job,

and I'm gonna do mine.

- Sh*t.

- No problem.

- I'm gonna do my job.

- No problem.

Get your damn feet

out of my f--

# Joy to the world,

the Lord is come #

Bingo! I got action.

What's up?

# Let every heart

prepare him room #

# And heaven and nature sing... #

Heaven and--

f*** all that sh*t!

Y'all hos got to get off

this corner with that!

Excuse me, sugar,

what did you just say?

You heard me what I said.

Y'all hos got to move off this corner.

You better watch

your little filthy mouth.

You are talking

to children of the Lord.

That's right!

I want you to know

who you're talking to, too--

Top Flight

motherfucking security!

You can't talk to these

old-ass ladies like that!

Just back me up

and do your damn job!

Y'all movin' on

and take that sh*t--

Wait a minute, b*tch!

I ain't no killer, you understand me?

But don't you push me,

don't you touch me!

You gonna make me blow this.

I'll clear all this sh*t out with this.

Joker, f*** you and your whistle!

Y'all trying to use the Lord

to sell p*ssy on this corner.

Shut your little filthy mouth!

Calm down.

Let's go on to church, and we

gonna pray for these niggas.

Have mercy, Jesus.

Forgive me, Lord.

What's wrong with you?

You can't talk to people like that.

That's somebody grandmama, fool!

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