Friday After Next Page #4

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I can talk to people

any f***ing way I want to,

and I'm the law around here.

And I'm gonna write your ass up

for insubordination.

Let me do my job and you do yours.

Top Flight!

Man. I couldn't believe

how Day-Day was acting.

Even since he got

that whistle around his neck.

He been acting like

a neal a**hole rent-a-cop.

Look at him!

Where you going?

I'm trying to park so I can go

in the check-cashing place.

You can't park right here

because there's a new policy.

Give me the number,

or you can't park here.

I ain't never heard

of no policy like that.

You ain't never met a Top Flight

security nigga like me!

Give me the number

or get to f***ing rolling.

Look at that fool.

I've got to put a stop to this sh*t.

...no parking spot, okay,

'cause I'm married!

- Get this piece of sh*t out of here!

- He's just playing.

No, I'm not playing.

You better not park!

- Bye-bye.

- Bring that car back here!

Man, what did I do?

I got this.

Why every time you get

a little position of power,

you abuse your authority?

You need to work

on your people skills.

That's bullshit. My people skills

are way better than yours.

Just sit down and relax.

Bingo! Got more action!

Get y'all little bad-ass mo'

over here!

Leave them damn kids alone!

They ain't messing with you!

Stop blowing that goddamn whistle!

What's wrong with you? You tripping!

Some L.A.P.D. sh*t.

You know what?

Don't hate...appreciate.

You're just mad

'cause I'm always on the...

...crime whistle!

I'll calm your ass down

one way or another.

- You ain't got to calm me down.

- Fire that up.

Not on duty. Not on duty!

You better fire this up!

I ain't no grocery-store bouncer.

I'm a Top Flight security guard.

You got to recognize

the difference between the police--

- Light the sh*t.

- We are not little no more.

- Come on!

- What?

You know what?

You're not gonna be punking me

when we get 40.

This sh*t gonna stop one day, dude.

Well, it ain't

gonna stop today, so light it up

before I beat that ass.

- Whatever.

- Yeah, yeah.

This Barney Fife sh*t.

I'm thinking of something right now.

That's some good sh*t, right?

no. You're a bad-ass influence

on my life.

Ever since

l've been kicking it with you,

my life

has been a shambles, dude.

Give me my goddamn joint.

Hold on.

Let me hit it one more time.

One more time,

let me hit it, man!

You gave it to me to smoke!

I ain't no bad influence on you.

I'm the best cousin you've got.

lf it wasn't for me, you'd be

getting punked all the time.

And I keep you safe

and I keep you warm,

'cause you know

how little timid you are.

Look. Look.

Whatever.

Man, it's just us,

Craig and Day-Day. Damn!

I was about to Barry Bonds

y'all's black asses!

You almost made me

catch a heart attack!

I ought to hit your ass

and give you brain damage.

Let me hit that before Willie

bring his old square ass out here.

You can go to jail

for some sh*t like that, for real.

He been real brand-new today.

How's it going out here so far?

lt's been boring and quiet.

Just wait around.

Them young thugs don't come out

till about 1 :
00 or 1 :30.

They coming. I just pray to God

I'm here when they come.

Uncle Elroy gonna beat

the sh*t out of 'em!

Ho ho ho, motherfuckers!

What you looking at

before I shoot you in your mouth?

Up against the wall!

Jesus!

Shut up! What you got, toothpick?

I ain't got nothing.

Done sh*t on yourself!

What you looking at?

Don't I know you?

You gonna know a bullet in your ass!

This all you got?

I ain't got nothing

but 20 funky-ass dollars.

I ought to shoot your broke ass.

What's up, Al Green?

You remind me of them old players

that be clubbing with young girls.

You remind me of a young nigga

f***ing with the wrong old nigga!

He's gonna shoot your ass!

Get up against the wall!

Shut up! Give me the watch!

No, not the Rolie.

Now it's a ''stoley.''

Looking like a Mississippi pimp.

B*tch better have my

sweet potatoes. Top Flight Security!

Merry Christmas, motherfuckers.

Santa Claus got my Rolex!

Let's get him!

Do something! Do something!

- Don't just stand there. Help me.

- Sh*t! How?

Move, move, move!

...three quarters,

two dimes, and a nickel!

Y'all didn't hear me

blowing this whistle?

What is it, buddy?

We just got jacked by Santa Claus!

He almost tied us up and f***ed us!

- He pulled out a pistol...

- Dodo, you on crack, buddy?

- Hey, man, just let it go.

- Get your goddamn hands off me!

Me, my cousin, and my daddy--

we just got jacked by Santa Claus!

But you're security guard, buddy.

That's why I asked your ass

for them two flashlights.

These guys!

That's why I hate the f***in' law!

Get your fat ass up and do something!

You get up, too!

Give me flashlights,

or we gonna get killed around here!

Jacked by Santa Claus

on Christmas Eve!

Twice in one day!

You wanted to grab somebody,

you should've grabbed that nigga!

Security! You need to

turn in your damn whistle!

Where you going, Mama?

I'm going to make my daily rounds.

Could you make me a sandwich

when you get back?

Make your own damn sandwich.

Tupac. Tupac, Tupac!

Goddamn, you fine!

Ooh, the way

you talk gangsta, nigga!

Yoo-hoo!

Anybody home?

Ain't nobody here.

Oh, my goodness.

What in the hell

done happened to the mail?

I ain't the only one they owe.

Dirty bastards.

This child is filthy!

Wishful thinking.

Weed!

Got me some weed!

That's why they ain't paid

their damn rent!

So what happened after that?

I don't want to talk about that.

Y'all ain't gonna catch no damn body.

I just want you to stop and whip

some ass on the way to the station.

Least I'll feel better then.

What were you doing

in the alley, anyway?

I was emptying the trash!

- I had already taken it out.

- Well, it was full!

Don't you mess with this b-b-barbecue.

I'm gonna keep my eye on you.

I don't give a damn 'bout your lazy eye,

you Popeye-lookin' son of a--

Nah, wait a minute!

I started this barbecue sh*t!

ls this the motherfucking

thanks I get?

That's enough! Calm down!

I just appreciate you

even blessing me with your presence.

Bishop Magic Don Juan

and Money motherfucking Mike!

What they know about that?

Let me get this straight--

for the second time,

y'all got jacked by Santa Claus?

Black guy, wasn't it?

Nah. This was a nigga that did this.

lf I build it, the hos will come.

Learn from the best.

God bless you, Mike.

Keep your game tight, hear, player?

Absolutely.

...got Daddy's Rolex.

# Dashing through these hos

in a one-horse open sleigh... #

Everything is 25% off.

Everything must go.

Maybe even you.

Explain yourself now, player.

- Day-Day!

- Ow, Daddy!

You talk too damn much!

He didn't want to blow

his whistle, so I blew mine.

Pay attention!

That's the reason we got jacked

in the first damn place.

We'll make out our report

and get back to you.

Guys, y'all have to get dressed.

The kids will be here any minute.

Back to work.

I didn't know you can make

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