Friday After Next Page #5

---

a snowman in 80-degree weather.

Anything is possible.

All you need is a can of snow.

What's cracking? My name's Craig.

- I'm Donna.

- What's up, Donna?

What kind of stuff y'all sell in here?

We got everything--

FUBU, Sean John, Dada.

What are you looking for?

Anything's better than what I got on.

What, you don't like the flashlight look?

I see you got jokes.

Well, you can always buy

your girlfriend something.

We have ladies' wear, too.

Yeah, y'all do, huh?

I don't really got

a girlfriend, you know.

I usually get rid of them

this time of year.

That way, you ain't got

to buy them sh*t.

For real?

Yeah, why not?

I'm just playing.

- I see you got jokes.

- A couple.

So that's your little

midget boyfriend?

Little micro-mini pimp

up in there?

Oh! What's cracking, baby?

My name is Day-Day, right?

This is my big-head-ass cousin.

You know, beevo-latte, got

more head than he got body.

Check this out--

I just spotted you

way across from the lot,

and I'm gonna let you know,

it ain't your booty, it's your beauty.

lf you see anything

suspicious around here...

Let me know, 'cause

I got my eyes on everything.

Let's start off with your number.

That's the only way we're gonna

be able to communicate.

No, you gotta get your ass

back to that booth.

But, man, she like me!

Come on, woman.

I can't move that fast

with this stomach.

Why you got to bring

your ass over here?

I was trying to see if she seen

a Santa Claus with a suit on.

- What your ass doing over here?

- You know what I'm doing over here.

I just don't want no bullshit.

You know, all that

''my hair retain heat.''

I don't know nothin' about that.

I'm sorry.

I have to go help them.

Fine piece, boy.

She fine.

She liked me, didn't she?

- No.

- Yes, she did.

How she gonna like you

when she like me?

'Cause she hadn't seen me yet.

I wish I hadn't seen you yet.

Can I help you?

I just walked in the store.

Let me look around a little bit. Dang!

I could use some help over here.

ln the men's.

Burn a pimp,

see what happen to you.

That's all you gotta do,

just burn a pimp one time.

l'd like this FUBU sweatshirt

with some socks.

Are you all right?

I'm fine, I just--

This can't be happenin',

this can't be happenin'.

Oh, no, player!

- You see that?

- I seen that.

Turn him off!

What the hell's wrong with him?

Come on, Bill, let's go.

I don't see nothing in here I like.

No, you ain't sick no more.

That ass is got. Come on!

Baby still kicking?

Yeah, feel like twins.

- We saw that sh*t!

- Saw what?

Let me go!

Get ahold of her, man!

Stop letting her kick your ass!

Y'all going to jail!

For shop-stealing

and stealing everything!

We ain't stole sh*t!

What about this?

Uh-huh!

Aw, damn!

They done got a player?!

- That ain't nothin' you like?

- You going to jail, Cicely Tyson.

Girl, I can't believe you did this!

I'm appalled!

You ain't Paul!

You a nigga that steals!

Y'all got the game messed up!

Huh? You gonna steal from a pimp?

Where is Elroy?

He's in the back.

He doesn't want to come out.

What?!

Keep your voice down.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Come on out here right now

for these kids, Elroy,

or you and I are gonna fight!

All the money we spent for these.

Get your butt out here, man.

Aw, Elroy, you look cute.

Oh, he's a cutie-pie.

We ought to be celebrating

Kwanzaa, anyway.

Messing with these kids' heads

with this white man's holiday.

Oh, shut up, Elroy.

Prance your ass over

and let them kids pet on you.

Oh, hell, no, Willie!

That's where I put my hoof down.

Ain't nobody pettin' on me!

Will you shut up?

Prance your ass over there!

Let them kids pet on you.

What's wrong with you?

That ain't prancin'. lt ain't Easter.

I ain't know no damn reindeer.

Prance! Look, like this.

Go!

Go!

You ain't gotta do this.

You just mad 'cause--

Shut the f*** up!

- Little punk-ass b*tch.

- Y'all f*** and make puppies.

lt's Christmas Eve.

Have some holiday cheer.

Holiday cheer these nuts.

Get back.

Hey, player.

- Mike. Mike!

- Get back!

Player!

Nah, nah, let him through.

You little shrimp motherf***er.

I'm gonna sue your ass!

Come on, cut me!

No, no, no!

Give me that, give me that.

I guarantee I wanna do my thing!

- Think about your mama, man.

- I'm thinking about your ass.

Think about what

your mama would say.

- You all right?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

You know what I'm saying?

I got a little razzle-dazzled.

My name is Money Mike, player.

How you doing?

All right, don't squeeze hard.

All right, what's happening?

This is my young girl Donna.

Say hi, woman.

What's up?

That'll be quite enough.

Thank you so much.

See, the thing is,

we just opened up around here,

you know what I'm saying?

And we've been having

some problems, obviously, as you see.

I appreciate what y'all did

'cause these cockroaches

would've cleaned me out.

Speaking of cockroaches,

where was your antennas

when them niggas were stealing

my sh*t out the store?

- I didn't see them take anything.

- You didn't see 'em take anything.

Well, look next time! Use your eyes!

They ain't supposed to just be hazel,

they supposed to do some damn work!

This ain't for play.

I don't do this for fun.

I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry.

Ho, be careful! Lord Je--

You know what?

I'm tired of your presence. Dismissed.

Nice meeting you guys.

See you later.

You got her trained, nigga, damn!

You can lead a ho to water, player,

but you can't make 'em think.

You dig what I'm sayin'?

I got to keep it

breezy around this b*tch.

Anyway, I need to take care of y'all.

I appreciate

what y'all did for a player.

I can't be everywhere at all times.

No charge.

- What about our rent money?

- No charge.

Y'all sure?

Positive. We just doing our job.

We can't charge you, man.

Don't argue with ''no charge.''

You can come to the store

anytime you want.

Can we get some clothes,

- A FUBU short set?

- You don't need sh*t.

Man.

Look, we just having a little

Christmas party tonight.

Why don't you and your lady come or

hang out with us and our folks?

Let me check my Palm Pilot.

Look like I ain't doin' sh*t.

Bring a bunch of b*tches--

I'm talking about

a busload of them hos if you can.

I was gonna get drunk and watch

The Grinch. so I'll be there.

I'll get the address from y'all later.

I'll see you later, too.

Yo, yo, player, hold up.

Never know

what I might need this for.

Might want to shave.

Might want to shave somebody else!

Never know.

I like that nigga! I like him!

Look, that's real pimpin'.

Now, that's pimpin'.

Get off his dick, Day-Day.

What do you want

for Christmas, young fella?

I want a X-Box with all the games,

all the new gear,

a new Lexus

with a banging system

and chrome feet on it.

Here's my address, Mr. Jones.

Mr. Jones?

No, Santa.

- I'm Santa.

- Bullshit! You Mr. Jones.

I know where you live, too,

so I expect everything by tomorrow.

You feel me?

Put everything in my mom's name.

He don't look like no reindeer,

Rate this script:3.0 / 2 votes