Friday After Next Page #7

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Who the nigga she with?

That's just Money Mike.

Little Lucky Charms,

little micro-mini pimp.

Oh, that nigga look

magically delicious, nigga.

That's right.

Perm and sh*t.

Craig, look who here!

Yeah, bring him over here.

Bring his ass right here.

Oh, man, thanks

for coming through, man.

I appreciate that.

No problem.

Thanks for inviting us.

We had to show y'all some love

after what y'all did for us at the store.

Don't she look good?

lntroduce me to your friend, Craig.

Oh, that's Money Mike.

- That's Donna.

- Hi. Merry Christmas.

This Damon. He live downstairs.

That was like The Matrix!

Got some testosterone problems.

Why don't you go get me

something to drink, please?

Thank you.

- Where is it?

- Right through here.

No, no.

Like to dislocated my shoulder.

Yo, homey, you ever been to the pen?

Hell, no, but thanks for asking.

Won't bother asking you, though.

- Uh, Craig?

- Yeah.

Where your bathroom at, player?

I got to piss

like a Russian racehorse

at the Kentucky Derby

with a glue truck behind him.

Yo, it's right through there.

I got to pee diddy! About to get it on.

Hey, don't piss on the seat.

What's up, O.G., triple O.G.?

You got that look in your eye.

Fresh fish on the line, nigga.

Ain't nothin' like that sh*t.

Yeah, baby! Yeah!

Have to drink a little bit more water.

Smell like ammonia in this b*tch.

Come on. There you go.

One at a time, player, one at a time.

Busy right now,

working with a monster.

You know what this is, new booty!

- New booty?

- Don't fight the sh*t.

- Fight what sh*t?

- Let it happen.

Let what happen?

What the hell you doing?

Phone books? Nigga,

I ain't even in the phone book.

This ain't funny, nigga.

I'll b*tch-slap your ass.

Come on, I ain't playin'.

No!

Here's my card right here

if y'all ever want to be pimped.

Day-Day.

Better not let Pinky see that sh*t.

We ought to give it to him, though.

That's a barbecue card.

Don't give a f***. That's where

I'm pimping, out of the barbecue place.

Come and get

barbecue-slapped. Sh*t.

Sneaky son of a b*tch.

Damn, he's been

in there a long time.

I told you he was sick.

He might be in there

throwing up anything.

Why don't we just step in here?

We can sit down

and wait for him in here.

All right.

You got a nice room here.

Pretty clean for a bachelor.

I got a nice bed, too.

Wanna try it?

- You funny, huh?

- I'm not trying to be funny.

I'm trying to spread

a little holiday cheer,

get close to you.

So, what brings you to California

with this little

half-a-Prince motherf***er?

You know, I ask myself

that same question.

What am I doing way out here,

away from my family

this time of year?

But it's just hard.

Sh*t, just leave.

You don't understand.

lt's not that easy.

I mean, he got you

all the way out here

so he can, you know,

mistreat you,

do all them things to you--

you know, I want

to do some things to you

that, um...

You sure you don't want

to just, like, lean back?

What you think?

No!

Don't do it!

You got some condoms?

Day-Day, get the hell out of here!

You know damn well you got

all the rubbers in your--

Get the f*** out of here!

She liked me anyway, didn't you?

You're a trip.

You know what? Don't pay

no attention to Day-Day.

- That boy, he just a fool.

- You know what?

Let's just go before

Mike comes busting in on us.

And, Craig, a word of advice--

you should get a lock on this door.

I ain't never gonna get no p*ssy.

What if I tried to get

a lock right now and just--

All right. God!

- Come on out of there!

- Pop, what's the matter?

Who's in the bathroom?

That eggnog about

to kick back up on me.

You know I got them bad guts.

Man, Pops gotta boo-boo, come on!

Don't tell everybody!

Hey, you know what?

The lady will let you

use it downstairs, the landlady.

Miss Pearly.

Go on down. She'll let you use it.

Come on out of there, man!

Honey, where you going?

I'll be right back. Oh, boy!

All right!

All right!

I'm Craig's daddy--Willie Jones.

As you know, we're having

a little get-together upstairs,

and the bathrooms are jammed.

I like the way you got that lined up.

Mind if I use yours?

No. Come on in.

- Where's it at?

- Down the hall.

Thank you.

All right, there we go.

There we go. About time.

Oh, just what I needed so bad.

Yeah, there it is.

How you doing?

Show me what you working with.

- Oh, damn!

- What's wrong with you, fool?

That's my woman you're dancing with.

Hey, fool, your woman's

freaking with me!

I bought them titties!

What's wrong with you?

I'll bust a cap right in your fat ass.

Don't mess up the party, Elroy.

Dance with me, dance with me.

Come on, dance with me.

Did you pee on me?

Wake your b*tch-ass up,

Lucky Charms.

I like my fish wet and squirmy.

I thought I was dreaming.

You almost drowned me, nigga.

Oh, you dreaming. This a wet dream.

Wet dream?

Wait a minute, I'm a pimp!

You lost your mind? What the hell?!

Am I in prison?

Donna! Pimp down!

You got a lot of balls!

Pimpin', pimpin', pimpin'!

You was just gonna take it,

wasn't you? Hmm?

You thought I was

play-pimping, didn't you?

Yeah, okay, okay.

- Could you just let me go?

- Say something.

I was just playing with you.

I was playing with you, dawg.

I was playing, man, okay?

I'm a nice guy

when you get to know me.

Shut up! What the hell

you talking about?

I am a boy!

You are not in prison

anymore, Damon!

That's not how we do it!

Say, noog! This is Pinky, noogah!

Look, I got to go pee-pee!

Uh, Damon, are you a music lover?

You are? Good. Have you

ever heard of The Nutcracker?

Oh, sh*t!

Have you, huh? Have you heard it?

Huh? Huh?

Yes. Yes.

# Crunching on your balls

in a one-horse open sleigh... #

Mom, what's the matter?

Where did your father go?

He just went downstairs

to use the bathroom

over at Miss Pearly's, the landlady.

Oh, Miss Pearly. Hmm...

Excuse me.

Mama.

Oh, sh*t!

Hey!

Should be a law against

people with guts like mine.

That was a monster--

Why it so dark in here, baby?

What are you about to do,

pray or something?

Did your son tell you I said hi?

No. Pertaining to what?

Your son Craig

ain't paid his rent this month,

and I'm about to throw him

out on his ass tomorrow.

So how much do you

really love your boy?

Not enough to pay his f***ing rent.

I have enough trouble paying my own!

I'm not talking about rent,

Willie Jones.

Well, what you talking about,

Miss Pearly?

I'm talking about these nuts!

You're gonna give me

some of this dick today!

I don't even know you, woman!

I heard they call you

''Sweet-Dick Willie.''

- Who, me?

- Yeah!

- You heard that, huh?

- Yeah.

Yes, baby, I'm a bad mother.

- Can I have some of it?

- Let me go, woman! Hell, no!

I don't know you, woman!

Oh, Sweet-Dick Willie!

Willie, get your ass off that heifer!

Daddy, get your ass off that heifer!

Yeah, pimping!

That's right.

Hey, I want everybody back!

There's gonna be

ball juice everywhere!

Everybody get back!

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