Friends & Lovers Page #8

You ever thought about

doing some modeling?

[Laughs] you're kidding, right?

No, no, no. I'm very serious.

I'm a photographer,

and I thought perhaps

we could get together and...

Shoot some photos.

Mm. well, my rate

is $2,000 a day.

[Laughs]

You can reach me at chic.

[Whispering] ask for Sasha.

Sasha:
hey, baby.

Oh, well, I tried.

Now what?

Try again.

Just not tonight.

Let's go.

Ahh, so unfortunate.

My dear, what does these people

do to you all your life?

Oh, sweetheart, I want

it out of you at this point.

Out of here, oh, so bad.

I don't know what to do.

Oh, it's terrible.

We must clean you.

I must clean you, Carla.

I'm going to clean you, Carla.

Ok, see, all the articles of clothing

are restricting the flow of the energy.

I must... yes, in fact, yeah,

there is another

article also. Watch this.

[Exhales]

You must believe.

Yes, intuitively,

you know this is very good.

Oh, yes, we are

working together now.

This is a group effort, ja?

Oh, my god.

I believe you.

Yes, this is nothing

not to believe.

Let me check.

All right, now I am free.

Yes, it's obvious yeah?

All of my spirit

guides have told me

that I am now free to work.

Let me check.

Yeah, I need to take a second.

All right, I have to admit

this place is pretty beautiful.

Yeah, it sure is.

I ever tell ya

you have beautiful eyes?

Well, you can tell me again.

All right,

you have beautiful eyes.

Thank you.

And a beautiful nose

and lips...

And teeth...

And jaw...

And ears.

Oh. ow! Not here.

Hello?

Hello? hello?

Hello?

Oh.

David:
look. Ian's here.

Oh, great.

Great.

Oh, my god! Jane! Ian!

Hi. hi.

How you doing, buddy?

Night, guys.

Why is this happening?

What the hell is going on

around here?!

She's pregnant, for god's sakes!

Jon:
Ian!

Ian!

Jon:
Ian, open the door now.

Daddy.

Keaton's gonna

kick your ass for this!

Good night, Jon!

Oh, come on, Ian.

You guys are

in business together!

[Giggling]

Night, jonny.

[Thud]

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

God, right now. Right now.

Ian? yes, darling?

[Growls]

Keaton!

Keaton, it's Jon.

You might want

to come out here, buddy.

We got a lot going on.

Jon:
uh, Keaton? [Knocking]

Got a little

insider trading working

over in the other

bedroom, buddy.

A little pork belly activity,

if you know what I mean.

Think porking and a big belly!

Yes! aah!

Yes!

Ian's f***ing your sister,

for god's sakes!

That was the best orgasm

I've ever had.

Carla?

Hans:
I've sometimes

been known...

Jon:
Carla? [Knocking]

It's Jon.

To suck the white light

right into a person's body.

Ok.

Carla!

Mmm.

I see the light.

You do? Uh-huh.

It's purple.

Well, it soon will be.

One chakra at a time.

Ok.

Ah.

Ok.

[Growls]

Ok. oh!

Yellow...

Yes.

[Growls] red...

[Growls] oh, white light!

Hans, we had a deal!

All right! That's it!

It's my turn!

Hans:
goombah, hey!

[New Jersey accent] I have been

workin' this hole for days.

You blow this for me,

I will bust a cap in your ass,

and I will

go have a quiet lunch.

Capisce?

Capisce.

Where are you from?

Jersey, baby.

[German accent]

Carla, I'm soon to be coming.

And then I'll tell you

what you surely know

I love you, I love you

I love you, I love you

I love you

I love you, I love you

I love you

so.

How do you like the cigar?

I like it almost

as much as that song.

Jon...

Let me ask you something,

Richie.

What do you do when you've

tried and tried and...

Tried again?

You let go.

[Begins playing]

[Smack]

Okay. oh, yes.

Come on. That's right.

I'm a bad boy.

Now smack the bad boy.

Smack the bad boy.

[Moaning]

Oh! oh!

Oh!

Marry me, yes?

Consider?

Oh, hans. Oh, darling.

Ok. Carla.

Ok. ok.

We work as a couple.

We're working. This is working.

Smack my ass,

even though I'm done.

Okay.

Oh, scheie. Oh, yes!

So, um, when'd you

figure out you were gay?

Probably the same time you

figured out you were straight.

Thank you.

So, like, um, what do you do?

I told you.

I art-direct computer games.

No, I mean, like with guys.

You mean in bed?

In or out of bed.

Well, uh...

Out of bed, I do pretty much

what we're doing now.

And in bed?

Whatever comes to mind.

No, no, no. I think it's good.

I think it's good, Jon.

I think you have a real

flair for languages.

Just let me hear it again.

[Guttural sounds]

It's... that's not quite it.

Ich liebe dich.

It's very soft.

You're saying, "I love you."

Say it beautifully.

Ich liebe dich.

Richard:
that's closer.

Jon:
ich liebe dich.

Richard:
that's not too good.

It's not so guttural.

Ich liebe dich.

It's very soft.

Ich liebe...

Ok, that's a German with a

cleft palate, but that's ok.

No, you'll be fine. No, no.

Relax. I'm kidding.

Ich liebe dich.

You think it'll work?

If anything will work, this...

You coming back?

We're going.

Ich liebe dich.

Oh!

Oh, thank you

for a wonderful time.

No, thank you.

What's going on?

We're going to get married.

Yes, is it not wonderful?

Richard:
all the

luck in the world.

Very well. Jon, auf wiedersehen.

Good night. Gute nacht.

Thanks.

Check.

Merry f***ing Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you, Jon.

And mate.

Good game.

But next time, your ass is mine.

Whatever you say.

F*** you, man.

I'm not down with that.

Take me home.

Why do you have to be

a homo, huh?

I can't help it!

So tell me:

I mean, what's it even

like to kiss a guy?

It's been so long,

I don't remember.

What's it like to kiss a girl?

You don't even know what

it's like to kiss a girl?

Well, I mean...

I...

Kissing a girl is a lot softer.

Yeah, definitely softer.

Wow.

You know,

what you said yesterday,

you really ought to say to Ian.

I'm planning to.

It worked on me.

Yeah.

[Door opens] What is that?

[Closes]

Cold outside.

Very cold.

Definitely.

Can I get you something?

Would you like some coffee?

Uh, no, I'm gonna turn in.

Night.

'Fraid that puts you

on the couch.

[Sobbing outside]

Come on, honey.

[Sobbing continues]

Jane?

Are you... are you ok?

I...

I... I...

There's... it's just I...

Awful?

No.

No, I...

I... I... I feel...

No, it's just...

Lonely? no.

No. no?

No, I... I feel like...

Like I... I just

feel... I feel like...

I... I feel...

So unbelievably wonderful.

What?

I just... I feel like...

Like finally...

The baby?

Yeah. uh-huh.

Ian?

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

And, uh...

And you.

Me? yeah.

So unbelievably sexy.

Breakfast!

Oh, my god!

What? what? What?

He's cooking again.

Oh, Jesus. Oh, man.

Whoop! oh!

Carla. heh.

Oh, whoa! Dad, you know what?

You kinda... you gotta pay a little

more attention to the, uh...

To the, uh... the coffee here.

Actually,

with this kind of machine,

it works pretty well

with a filter.

So, uh...

There we go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hot!

Whew! hot. Hot.

Uh...

Actually, you might want

to start over, dad.

Those look a little

too far gone.

Right.

Right.

[Coughs]

So, I'm not doing too bad, am I?

Not too bad.

I've been trying

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