Friends with Money Page #3

She's real-- They're all kind of weird.

What do you--?

What do you keep looking at?

I think that the girl

sitting behind you...

...is someone I went

to junior high with.

Don't, don't, don't--

Hey, hey, hey.

Please don't stare. No.

-Why not?

-How do I look?

Compared to what? We just met.

Oh, yeah.

So are you--? So you're from here?

Yes, I grew up in the Valley.

I'm sorry. It's so weird.

She hasn't changed a bit.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Well, why don't you go say hi to her?

Are you kidding me?

That girl ruined my life.

What, really? What did she do?

Well, we made out once

in her father's basement.

And I was in love with her,

you know?

And we-- She was my girlfriend

for, like, two hours.

And then she dumped me.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm sorry.

It's wild for me to see her here.

So do you work out?

No, not really.

"We all went on safari...

...near the Serengeti gate.

-Looks like your dad's home.

-We startled wary-- Wart hogs--"

-You want to do some work?

-I'm reading with Max.

We gotta work.

Okay. We'll read more later,

okay, babe?

-Maria?

-Sorry, Mama's gotta work.

-When are we gonna get our tree?

-We got a whole month.

But when are we gonna get it?

Well, we'll get it before Christmas.

I promise you, buddy, all right?

-Okay?

-Whatever.

Hey, hey. Wait, wait.

No, no, no, I'm paying.

I'm so sorry.

We had so much to catch up.

Don't let her pay. I'm paying.

I am a shithead!

-It is hard enough having a blind date.

-I know. You're absolutely right.

Hey, so can we go out again?

Please?

I went ape sh*t back there

because that's a girl...

...who humiliated me in high school.

Didn't anyone ever just, you know,

wreck your life...

...and then you see them as an adult?

It's intense.

Are you stupid?

-Kind of.

-What do you do again?

Oh, right, right,

you're Franny's trainer.

What do you do? Franny said

that you used to be a teacher.

I'm a maid.

Yeah, right.

-I can't be a maid?

-No, you can't.

-Not really.

-That's funny.

-You're really a maid?

-Yeah.

In fact, I have a job right now,

so I gotta go.

Can I come watch?

Your sister called.

-What kind of fish should we get?

-Your father's had a stroke.

-What kind of fish should we get?

-Your father's had a stroke.

Very funny.

I have a problem with this line.

I think Elliot would believe her.

Why would he believe her?

He saw his father yesterday.

Because it's....

Melanie just doesn't joke like that.

It's not in her character.

I don't agree.

God, how did we even get this far?

We're writing two different scripts.

Every time we disagree,

you fall apart.

What?

You're eating a lot of sh*t lately.

What?

-I said, you're eating a lot of sh*t lately.

-So what?

So I can see it on your ass.

I'm just telling you because,

you know...

...I thought you'd want to me to tell

if I noticed that.

What made you think I'd want you

to tell me if my ass was getting fat?

Because I guess I'd want you

to tell me if I was gaining weight.

-Really, you'd want me to tell you?

-Yes, I would.

Would you want me to tell you,

for instance, you have bad breath?

Would you wanna know that?

-I guess.

-Well, now you know.

I'm trying to get you to drink

more water not because it's healthier.

It's because your breath smells

like a dead man.

Why didn't you just tell me?

I would have got my teeth cleaned.

Because I didn't want

to hurt your feelings.

It wouldn't.

-Really?

-It's not like it's my fault, per se.

Man, I wish I had that mechanism.

So not only do I have

bad breath always...

...but I'm a dick

because I don't take it personally?

I can't work anymore.

I'm out.

A fat-free turkey.

She got fat-free pepperoni,

fat-free milk.

Diet this, diet that.

I Can't Believe It's Not Fat.

Jesus. Of course, vodka.

Big bottle of tequila, more....

More vodka.

Some Ben and Jerry's in the back.

-Makes sense now.

-Put that back.

She has to either get drunk

or really stoned...

...to believe that she's actually

eating something.

Do you smoke it?

What, their pot?

No. I smoke my own.

-It wrecks your brain.

-Okay.

Here, why don't you

clean the inside of that.

That's disgusting.

How come you don't

have a boyfriend?

I don't know. Ask my last boyfriend.

Okay, I'm not doing a good job.

Disgusting, I'm gonna throw up.

-Who cleans your fridge?

-Manuella.

-You gave me the worst job.

-I so did not give you the worst job.

-What are we doing?

-Well, we're dancing.

-It's fun to dance.

-Yeah.

Can I kiss you?

You seriously want to kiss me now?

-Yes, I do.

-Okay.

Do you want to put that down? Okay.

Where's the waiter?

You think he fell off the face

of the f***ing earth.

He was nice.

To you maybe, he thinks you're cute.

He didn't even notice

I was sitting here.

-What are you talking about?

-You are so blind.

-The waiter's, like, in love with you.

-I'm a guy and I'm with you.

I just want the check.

It's like they were up your ass

to get your order...

...then when you need the check,

they go out back...

...and smoke a cigarette

or something.

Oh, here he is.

I hope everything was all right.

Can I get you anything else?

-Just the check.

-No.

Honey, look, it's one of yours.

-Yeah.

-Don't you love that?

-She doesn't look very good in it.

-Yeah, but it's yours. You designed it.

-How much?

-One hundred dollars.

That's not bad.

Whoa, hello?

I mean, I helped.

Yeah, I mean, don't you think

I should get some of the money?

I mean, not that it's a thing, but....

I mean....

Cool.

You know, you could

make a lot more training.

-You make, like, $50 an hour?

-Sixty-five.

I'm so out of shape.

So why is he a jerk

for not being upset?

I mean, it sounds to me

just like he's more confident than you.

He's a jerk because he's not upset.

Of course he's upset.

Wouldn't you be

if I told you you had bad breath?

-You do tell me.

-And how does it make you feel?

Not great, but it doesn't, like,

rock me to the core, you know?

I just go brush my teeth.

Well, he told me I was getting fat.

That's much worse.

Are you?

Aaron, why are you

being such a jerk?

Because you are just sitting there

deciding that David's the schmuck.

Well, he is.

Maybe and maybe not. I'm sorry,

Christine, but maybe it's partly you.

-She knows it's partly her.

-I do?

You know,

I just have to be more like Franny.

She just shrugs everything off.

Right?

No, she shrugs because

she doesn't like confrontation.

Yeah, maybe she just

chooses her battles.

Are we going to this

fundraising thing?

-No.

-Yeah. No. Yeah.

What is it again anyway?

-Homeless.

-ALS.

-Oh, that is so sad.

-Oh, right.

And I get to wear the Yohji jacket

I never get to wear.

You have a Yohji Yamamoto jacket?

-Yes, and he is so sexy in it.

-Is he?

Maybe if you and David had more sex,

you'd get along better.

He's my husband. It doesn't count.

Right?

F***.

Well, how often

do you guys have sex?

-Often.

-No, we don't have sex often.

Well, I thought....

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