Frits en Freddy Page #3

Where d'you get the handcuffs?

- They were in his pocket.

What was he planning to do?

Now what?

- I don't know.

D'you know him?

- No.

Did you look in his wallet?

- He's got no wallet, no phone, nothing.

We're in the sh*t now.

What are we going to do with him?

Yeah, yeah, that'll do.

You can keep quiet.

Just to make things clear. Next time you

have an idea, don't bother telling me.

Yeah...

Stop!

- That's all we need.

Stop. Stop, dammit!

- F***in' hell.

What does she want?

- Her bus back. Get out of the way.

Keep going.

I'm sure they've gone to look for Balou.

- They almost drove right over me.

They didn't see you.

They're good boys. Always friendly.

They always wave when they go past.

- Wave?

I'm phoning the police.

- Calm down.

They'll bring the bus back later.

We don't need it for now.

They're up to something.

- Oh, come on...

They had a woman with them.

- Did they really?

Rather good neighbours

than bad friends.

You said ten more minutes...

that was over an hour ago.

This old banger won't go any faster.

- Try putting your foot down.

On that big pedal on the left.

You're joking!

- We're not setting up home here, madam.

I hope there's running water.

- Yeah, in the village.

And if you need to go to toilet?

- There, in the woods.

Come on.

You can shout as loud as you like,

no one can hear you.

Help!

No one.

There's been a big misunderstanding.

- I don't quite see it like that.

You set light to Granny's car.

And we're not taking that lying down.

I know nothing about that.

- Yeah.

I don't even bloody know your granny.

- Watch your language!

Don't let me hear bloody and Granny

in the same sentence again.

Or I'll shoot your head off.

Who do you think you are?

- I don't even know you two.

Oh no? So why did you

just say 'your granny'?

How do you know it's my granny too?

That we're brothers?

We didn't tell you that.

- No.

And we don't look alike either.

Take a good look.

We look completely different.

- He's taller and I'm better looking.

I just said it.

- No, no, no.

Guys like you don't just say things.

You're right, Frits.

We're not falling for that, pal.

Bloody hell.

When are you going to phone him?

Call him on your mobile and say you've

been kidnapped, then we'll take over.

Make sure he thinks you're real scared.

- I'll do my best.

And tell him not to involve the cops.

- Anything else?

Anyway, I don't think Carlo's likely to

go running to the cops.

What have you got us into now, eh?

Sweetheart? It's me.

Gina? Where are you?

- I've been kidnapped.

They made me call you.

Hello. Mr Mouse.

- Who am I talking to?

I've got your old woman.

If you ever want to see her alive again,

it's gonna cost you a lot of money.

Oh, right.

- 200,000 euros in 50 euro notes.

Used notes, not new ones.

Put them in a transparent plastic bag.

And if you try...

- Don't bother. I'm not interested.

You've come to the wrong guy

for games like that.

Hello?

Hello?

He's not interested.

- Did he hang up?

Yes.

- What? That's not on, is it?

What am I supposed to do about it?

I'm gonna call him back.

Who does he think he is?

Voicemail. I don't believe it.

I'm gonna f***in' cut you up into bits.

Who d'you think you are?

I'll wipe the smile off your kisser.

Have you gone f***in' crazy?

- What?

Now he definitely knows where to look.

- Does he?

Think he won't recognise your voice?

- You're a fine one!

Why would he recognise my voice

but not yours?

He always acts as if I'm the stupid one.

Greta!

- I'm not deaf.

Oh, I thought you were in the bathroom.

Spying on people again?

- No.

D'you think I've got

nothing better to do all day?

They're not home.

Hello, madam.

Freddy's borrowed our bus.

He said he only needed it for a bit.

But they drove off in it again

this morning without asking.

Frits was going to our caravan

in La Roche for two days.

I didn't know Freddy'd gone too.

- We'll be without a car for two days.

That's a bit of a nuisance.

- There was a girl with them.

Can you tell Freddy to keep his trousers

on when he drives past our place?

I don't know what you're on about.

- Every time he goes past, he...

Good afternoon, sir.

Good afternoon, madam.

No one home?

- No.

They've gone to the Ardennes for

two days, to the caravan in La Roche.

Is it urgent?

- Urgent? That depends...

I'm their father. Who you are?

- Mouse. Carlo Mouse.

Pleased to meet you.

- Right.

What did you want?

- We're like Frits.

We're philatelists.

All three of you?

- He's not quite as fanatical.

I'm not spending the night here.

- Aren't you?

Did madam think we were going to

some nice little botel?

I don't care, I'm not staying here.

- You don't get a say.

We kidnapped you, remember?

I'm really hungry.

- I've got other things to worry about.

I can't think when I'm hungry.

- Then wait a bit longer before you eat.

That was a joke.

- I didn't think it was funny.

I desperately need the john.

- That's your problem.

Let the guy go to toilet.

- Butt out.

What's your name?

- Charles.

Really? Like in the song?

What song?

Little Charlie, Little Charlie

Was caught by his balls up an apple tree

Don't you know it? It's a kids' song.

Everyone knows it.

I'm not who you think I am, I'm a cop.

- Yeah, right.

Nice try. But we don't believe you,

Charlie. A cop!

You work for Mouse.

- That's not true.

Guys, can I please...

- Go with the whingebag.

Fancy not knowing that song, Charlie!

Little Charlie, Little Charlie

Was caught by his balls up an apple tree

I've never seen him at our place.

Call him again.

Voicemail.

- Give here.

Listen carefully, Mouse.

We talked to your old woman

and know all about your dirty money.

And I know some people who'd be

really interested to hear about it.

I'd hate to be in your shoes.

Your old woman isn't happy either.

You've got 30 minutes to phone me back

and not a minute longer, jerk.

Who does he think he is?

Listen to that.

- Listen carefully, Mouse.

We talked to your old woman and

know all about your dirty money.

And I know some people who'd be

really interested to hear about it.

I'd hate to be in your shoes.

Your old woman isn't happy either.

D'you think that Gina...

- Now's not the time for that.

She's already been through a lot.

Well, I mean...

You know what I mean.

Hey, what d'you think we should do?

Wait here a minute.

I didn't see anyone, officer. It's not

like I watch the place all day long.

I've got better things to do than that.

Well?

Nothing, pal. No sign of life anywhere.

Where on earth can he be?

- You were the last one to see him.

You're gonna be in the sh*t

back at the station.

You shouldn't have left him here alone.

- Now what?

Are you going to start having a go at me

too? I was only gone for twenty minutes.

It's not allowed, is it?

- I suppose you never eat?

And if you need a piss,

you take him with you?

Tell that to the guv'nor

back at the station.

Tell him you needed a piss

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