Fun with Dick and Jane Page #7

- Oh, my God!

God does not hold a grudge.

Remember, thou shalt not steal.

They're coming closer to us, Dick.

That is the fourth...

That's one of them commandments.

Give me back my

goddamn money, will you?

Step on it. Can't you get more

juice out of this goddamn thing?

Watch out! Jesus Christ!

You almost broke my ass, you fool.

Oh, a cop!

That is my money!

How much we get?

Not very much. It's mostly ones.

Mostly ones?

Hey, where's the other money?

What other money?

All the other money,

that's what other money.

- In the shrubbery.

- In the shrubbery?

In the pool.

In the swimming pool?

It's in the utilities,

it's in the car, in the furniture...

...it's in the mortgage, in the insurance.

It's at the Diners Club.

Well, it's not worth it.

I'm not cut out for blue-collar crime.

I have a white-collar mentality.

I panic in the face of death.

Maybe we should retire.

- Are all our debts paid?

- Yes.

At least we won't starve. We've just been

accepted by the food stamp program.

Hurray.

- Charlie!

- Where?

Mr. Blanchard, I would like you

to tell this committee...

... if you have ever, in your position

as president of Taft, bribed anyone...

... either here or abroad, for the purpose

of consummating a business deal.

Senator, no one at Taft Aerospace,

to the best of my knowledge...

... ever bribed anybody.

Maybe that's why business is so bad.

Look at him. Listen to him shovel it.

There's never been a deal at Taft where

somebody didn't get paid off somewhere.

We have already elicited testimony

from other companies...

... involved in the same

business as yours...

... and they claim that payoffs are an

integral part of carrying on business.

Do you mean to tell me

that you are the exception?

You know, guys walk into his office

and walk out again...

...with $200,000 cash in a briefcase.

- Two hundred thousand dollars?

- Watch him. Watch him bob and weave.

Senator. Now, we at Taft Aerospace

have always prided ourselves...

... in truth on what we produce.

- Charlie does his laundry.

- Any idea where he keeps it?

Yeah, in the safe in his office.

Fortunately, there are guards

everywhere...

...and I don't even have a key to

the executive washroom anymore.

Unfortunately, we've been invited

to a party at Taft next week.

Fortunately, we don't know

the first thing about safecracking.

Unfortunately, we are fast learners.

- Short retirement.

- Very.

- I felt it.

- Positive?

Of course I'm positive, honey.

It's gotta be perfect.

- I've been practicing for days.

- And you've almost got it. Come on.

You ready? Okay.

- Deft. Deft. And deft.

- Okay.

- You should tell me when I should do it.

- Whenever you're ready.

Well, it's just like old times.

- I hope you brought the old equalizer.

- Will you cut it out?

- Hi, Pete, how are you?

- Who is it?

Pete Winston. Wife, Betty.

Super Bowl, back operation.

- Really good to see you. How are you?

- Great. Just great.

You know my wife, Jane, don't you?

- I don't know if she'll remember me.

- Winston, how can you say that?

We met you and Betty at the Super Bowl

last winter. How's your back?

- How nice of you to remember.

- Is Betty here?

- She's in the back.

- I'll be glad to see her.

- She'd love to see you too.

- There you are.

- Charlie.

- What I want to know is...

...do I get to kiss your wife,

or do I have to make a scene?

- Do we know this man?

- Some guy who still works at the plant.

Hi, Charlie.

I don't know what a good-looking guy

like Dick sees in you.

- I do yard work.

- You can do work in my yard anytime.

- Charlie.

- You wanna dance?

I'd love to.

- Very nice.

- What?

- I said, very nice.

- Perfect.

Charlie, no!

No? I won't take "no" for an answer.

I'll be waiting.

Showoff.

Come on. Dick, Charlie's gonna

come to his office at 11:00.

- All right.

- We gotta hurry.

All right. Will you get out of the way?

Hey, you! Don't move.

Take that, you honky putz.

- Oh, my God!

- What?

Come on, will you?

Come on.

- These are all make-believe.

- Dick.

What?

Does he have a closet?

I read in the book the most

popular place for safes are...

- He does indeed have a closet.

- Okay.

I love you, Jane.

- Thanks.

- Mosler, model number 1874.

Mosler. Okay.

There. Right there is where

you have to drill.

Dick, it's okay. You can hardly hear

the drilling out here.

Dick, somebody's coming.

In the closet.

- Is it the guard?

- I don't know. I couldn't see.

It can't be Charlie. It's only 10:15.

Let me look.

I can't see anything.

Maybe he won't look in here.

- Suppose he does?

- Screw him.

I most certainly will not.

- That wasn't Charlie.

- Really.

Come on in.

Hey, everybody, come on in.

Hey, my man, what's happening?

Jane! They're never going to hear the

drill over this. I'm going back to work.

If somebody's coming, just let me know.

Jane, it's your turn.

- It's all the money in the world.

- It gives me goose flesh.

Oh, my God.

- Floor show. Floor show.

- Go on.

Get y'all gone. We talking business.

- I need more.

- Okay, just a second. Okay, okay.

It feels so good.

That's what I've been looking for.

Thank you very much.

Guys, have a good time,

enjoy yourselves. This is a party.

Okay. Get the elevator. Around through

the boardroom and to the left.

Gotcha!

- Dick followed me up here.

- Hey, Charlie.

Dick, boy. Hi.

- Going down?

- Down, yes. Lobby, please.

Funny, we're going to the lobby too.

Well, I guess we can all ride together.

I don't feel very well.

I think we should go.

Not until you have one

little drink with Charlie.

- No, Charlie, I really think...

- Here, let me take your purse.

One little nightcap.

Nobility. Pride.

A sense of feeling that

your life amounts to something.

That's what we lost when

we lost the space program.

- Sir?

- Nobil... Nobil...

- What?

- May I have a word with you?

- Right now?

- Yes, sir.

Hey, listen. Don't go away.

I'll be right back.

Let's go.

Where? Where are we going?

- We were just gonna walk right out.

- We were. We were.

There's nothing to worry about.

Charlie wouldn't call the cops.

This money doesn't exist.

Don't you understand?

What about all these security guards?

Do they exist or don't they?

Wait a minute.

Dick, we gotta call the cops.

- Are you crazy?

- No, no, I'm not kidding.

Charlie's never gonna admit

there's a slush fund.

If he sees cops all around, he's gonna

make sure we get out of here safely.

With the money.

You're very smart, Jane.

- Have you got a dime?

- A dime?

- Yeah.

- No. You?

Find someone with change of

- Jane feeling better?

- Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.

Dick, there's something

I've been meaning to ask you.

Shoot.

What's in the bag?

Your makeup?

Charlie, Charlie.

- Charlie, can I level with you?

- Sure.

- Well, I mean really level with you.

- You can tell me anything.

We just cleaned out your safe.

Every last buck.

- Did you now?

- Yeah.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it

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