Fun with Dick and Jane

Globodyne is a consolidator

of media properties.

Globodyne is a consolidator of media

properties. Consolidator. Oh, no!

Globodyne's a consolidator of

media properties and data retrieval...

...with a focus in fiber-optic

content provision.

It's basically a synergy

of Web-based...

...and platform-based

UNIX-driven delivery systems.

Okay, I made that last part up.

We spent months on this trip.

I just assumed...

...that you knew you needed

a passport to get into Russia.

But if I should have told you,

then I'm really sorry, Mr. Fairbanks.

It's not my fault airport security

strip-searched you, Mr. Fairbanks.

I mean, maybe you shouldn't have

made that joke. You know?

Hon? Fire.

You know what, I'm gonna

load you up with drink coupons.

Blanca? Can you make this little man

something to eat?

Are you sure about this?

The trainer said it's just

a minor annoyance.

He said it just reminds him

to be a little less vocal.

- Hey, Dick.

- Morning, Joe.

That a new car?

It's the new Mercedes S500.

You can only special-order

these from Germany.

- How's it run?

- Well, it's a Mercedes.

Check this out.

Mercedes, on.

Yeah? Well, watch this.

Beemer, sit. Stay.

Play dead. Good boy.

That's cute, Dick. Mercedes, off.

"It has come to our attention

that certain departments...

...have begun to run into situations."

Situations.

The big boys want

to see you upstairs.

Which floor? Twentieth?

Twenty-sixth?

Thirty-second?

- Not the 51st?

- Yes.

Congratulations, Mr. Harper.

- Go ahead and wrap this up.

- Okay.

- How do I look?

- Great.

- Anything in my teeth?

- No.

I need a paper bag.

- Hey, Oz.

- Hey, Dick. Morning.

It is, isn't it? Sure is.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Hey, did you... ?

Did you hear about Bill?

- Oh, yeah. That's.... That's wild.

- Yeah.

Yeah. I wonder.... I wonder

who's gonna take his place.

That's the big mystery.

Yeah. Yeah.

- You getting off?

- Not this time, Oz.

Son of a b*tch!

That's it.

Hello. I'm...

...Dick Harper, and I'm here

to see Jack McAllister.

Oh, well, that's him now, sorry.

He had to step out.

Dick.

Damn glad to finally see you

up here.

Hey, man.

- Frank Bascombe, CFO.

- Nice to meet you, Frank.

Nice to meet you.

Listen, Dick. Dick.

Jack's very sorry that he couldn't

be here to congratulate you.

Well, on becoming the new

VP of Communication.

Are you--?

- Holy.... Thank you.

- No, no, no.

But also, he wanted to invite you

to his house...

...for an orientation meeting

on Monday morning.

Dick? Ann's got the address.

All right. Sure, I'll get that.

Okay. Ann?

- Thanks.

- Sure.

And thank you...

...Frank.

Cool exit.

How do you like your eggs?

Pardon me!

Ours is an age

of unmeasured prosperity,

Oh, yeah.

- You know what?

- What?

You should quit your job.

- Quit my job?

- Yeah.

Do you even know what you're getting

paid? I mean, I can't quit my job.

Well, not specifically, but....

Bob got VP last month,

he's making 1 50 plus bonuses.

Come on, you wanna spend

more time with Billy.

Do it. Just-- Come on.

Do it. Do it. Quit your job.

We must never become

a winner-take-all society,

- You know what we should do?

- What?

We should have sex...

...on Saturday.

I'll buy candles.

I'll pick up the new Starbucks sampler

featuring Sade.

Oh, you animal.

That is gonna be so wild.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Just make yourself at home.

Right.

Dick.

Yeah. Mr. McAllister.

- Dick. Hey, call me Jack.

- Likewise.

With my name. Dick, I mean.

Man. Dick Harper.

Dick Harper.

Dick Harper playing the harp.

Harpo Marx playing the jew's-harp.

D.H. DH.

You're my designated hitter.

I need you to step up

into the batter's box...

...and knock one out

of the ballpark for me.

- Gone.

- You ever have a nickname?

Well, it was....

Squirt. The Squirt.

Something about how I was

conceived, I don't know.

We gonna think of something.

Have trouble finding the place?

No, sir. By the way, what a absolutely

beautiful hou-- Home you have.

So then my lawyer says

to her lawyer:

"lf she thinks she's getting that yacht,

she's a little dingy."

He always-- He loves that one.

The point is

that we need somebody...

...who projects confidence

in this position.

We've seen how

you handle yourself.

You've been a great cheerleader

for this company.

So we were thinking that....

- Well, you go ahead and tell him.

- No, you go ahead.

What's up, guys? Come on.

Don't hold out on me here. What?

We want you to go on

MoneyLife this afternoon...

...and announce

our quarterly projections.

You're the guy.

You're the guy we have faith in.

You can get our positive spin

out there.

Right. Positive spin.

These are fickle times, Dick.

We need to stick together

as a team.

Like my daddy always used to say....

Well, you can count on me, sir.

I mean, I can't tell you

how happy I am.

- Thank you.

- How were those eggs Florentine?

- Best I've ever had.

- Good answer.

I'm on the plane right now!

Do you know what's sitting

in front of me? Do you know?

A kosher meal! A kosher meal!

How many times do I need to tell

you? ! I don't need a kosher meal!

I'm Episcopalian!

No-- No, you, miss-- You--

No, you grow up!

For-- No, you, miss--

Phyllis, can l... ?

Can I talk to you for a minute?

- Here's a yell!

- It's personal.

- Never actually had makeup on.

- I'm happy for you.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Where's Sam?

- Washington.

These are your talking points.

They were just faxed over.

And Sam is on the line for you.

Hello, Mr, Harper,

Hey, Sam. How you doing?

Nice talking to you.

I thought you were gonna be here.

- Me too, I hear it's beautiful there,

- That's the thing--

- Okay, Dick, we're on in five,

- Yep, sure.

- -three, two....

Today we're talking with the new VP

of Communications at Globodyne...

... Dick Harper,

How you doing, Dick?

Just terrific, Sam.

Thank you for asking.

And so is Globodyne, by the way.

Now, Dick, tell me,

what is the shareholder to make...

...of the fact that Jack McAllister,

your CEO...

...has unloaded a considerable share

of his stocks?

I think CEOs sell their stocks

for many reasons, Sam.

Both professional and personal.

Actually, over the past year, Jack

McAllister has sold 80 percent...

...of his holdings

through shell companies,

Now, how do you explain that?

The reasons for doing something

like that would be--

Losing you there. Hold on.

The reasons for doing something

like that would be.... Could be many.

Both....

There's also talk of some of

the Globodyne portfolio documents...

... being subpoenaed,

Specifically those of your CFO,

Frank Bascombe,

Now, joining us with his insights,

is presidential hopeful Ralph Nader,

Really?

Hi, Ralph. Big fan, love your stuff.

I wish I could say the same,

I don't know how you sleep at night,

Corporations like Globodyne

pervert the American dream,

The super-rich get richer,

You are a disgrace,

Ralph, I don't know where

you're getting your statistics.

I can only say that, in my estimation,

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