Fun with Dick and Jane Page #2

Globodyne is transparent.

We'd be more than willing

to share any and all documentation.

What is going on?

Can somebody tell me

what the heck is--?

Hey, there's a fi-- Somebody should--

Okay.

This can't be good.

Out of my way!

- Hey, that's my ficus!

- My ficus!

You're not even from this floor!

Help! Security!

What's going on?

Oh, so Dick finally wants to know

what's going on.

Frank?

Methinks somebody made

a boo-boo.

Maybe we didn't know how to

use Quicken. Yeah, that could be it.

Frank. Frank. Try to focus. Okay?

What's happening to Globodyne?

- Globodyne?

- Yeah, what happened, Frank?

- We took our shifting losses...

- Yeah?

- ... and we put them into businesses...

- Yeah, yeah?

...that we actually owned.

And then the balance sheet...

...it showed profit.

But actually, there was...

...debt.

What the hell? !

You're sick.

- I want you to hit me.

- Frank, let go of me now.

- I want you to hit me.

- Let go, you're scaring me.

- Hit me.

- Frank! Get off!

And I have the 6000 greatest

partners a man could ask for,

Mr. McAllister?

I don't know what to tell you.

We're just a cell in a much larger

organism called the global economy.

Weak companies have to die so that

stronger companies can get stronger.

- It's just nature.

- Nature? What?

You ever read Walden Pond?

It's all in there.

Hey, you send him a copy

of the tape.

What about the other employees, sir?

They're gonna be fine.

Don't go there.

This is America,

the land of opportunity.

I don't know, sir. With all due respect,

this doesn't feel right.

Step away from the rotors now, boy.

They gonna chop your head clean off.

Honey? I'm home.

Oh, and the vice president is home!

I see you got them digging

the hot tub.

I know. Yes, I called the guy.

They came right out.

- That almost never happens.

- I know. We're so lucky.

Dinner's ready!

- Look at it!

- Oh, my gosh!

Look! I did it and it's perfect!

My gosh! That could feed

a family of four.

I mean.... I-- In my--

Look at that, Billy.

I'm surprised you left off the hooves.

You know, before we get into that,

I have some wonderful news.

Mama quit her job!

- I did. I did, I did!

- You did?

- Isn't that great?

- My gosh! That's incredible!

Oh, the timing of it, it was just

beautiful, Dick. And, oh, thank you.

I just-- I just did it!

No. Oh, boy.

And now, you know what...

...I can spend so much more time

with my beautiful boy.

- Yeah.

- Now, what's your news, big Mr. VP?

I have something

of an announcement to make.

It turns out that a very wonderful

opportunity has just presented itself...

...in the form of me...

...not necessarily working

at Globodyne anymore.

Were you fired?

I wasn't fired. Globodyne tanked.

- Dick!

- Jeez. "Fired."

What do you mean?

How could that happen?

They just gave you

a promotion. And--

There is nothing to worry about.

I'll get my severance...

...money from my pension.

We're fine.

I am a winner.

Billy, tell your father he's a winner.

See?

- Hey! Our first day at home together.

- Hey.

Let's have a big family breakfast.

Oh, gosh, honey,

Billy's already gone to school...

...and I gotta meet him for that

Mommy & Me lunch thing.

What are you gonna do?

Are you gonna look for a job?

You know what,

I think I might just take this day.

Great. I do. I think you should.

But, listen, I gotta go pick up

that thing at the thing.

Baby, I gotta go. I'm sorry. Sorry.

Okay, good.

I'll see you later, baby.

Have a really good time.

Bye.

Okay.

Cheers.

Former CFO Frank Bascombe

has been indicted...

...on charges of fraud

and money laundering,

Lead investigators say all roads

lead to Mr, Bascombe,

And no evidence has yet...

...to link former CEO Jack McAllister

to this growing scandal,

We've all had to make sacrifices,

I sold my place in Jackson Ho--

No,

- Martha 's Vineyard,

- Oh, shut up!

God.

Hey, bud. Hey, hey, hey.

Can't be that bad, can it, bud?

God!

Oh, you know it.

So can I send you a rsum?

No, I got a terrific one here.

You'll love it.

Do you have a fax number?

So there are no new openings

at this time. Right.

And what about the near future?

Yeah. Sure. I could stop calling.

This afternoon. Okay.

I'll be there. Bye.

Hon. I got an interview

at Pyramid Tech.

I was really starting

to wonder there.

Hey!

Hold on!

- Dick.

- Oz.

Wanna go get a drink?

- You buying?

- Sure.

- Harper?

- Yeah.

- Dick Harper!

- Yeah.

You don't have to stand in this line.

Come on with me.

Hey, Oz. Rain check.

Son of a b*tch!

Okay, rip it out. Get it on the truck.

Hector, what's going on? What--?

- What happened?

- Your check go bouncy-bounce.

But it's okay, I heard what happened

to your husband.

Not everybody could afford

landscaping like this, eh?

- Hector, please.

- I am sorry, Miss Jane.

Oh, no, no, no. No! No, no!

This is all--

Everything, it's all wrong.

I want this out. Roll it all up.

I ordered Kentucky bluegrass.

This is green.

- Dick Harper! What a stroke of luck.

- Oh, jeez.

I'm sorry, I don't remember

where you know me from.

Oh, I don't know you.

I just saw you spaz out MoneyLife.

Oh, my God, that was great.

Hey, some of the fellas would

like to meet you.

- Hello, Dick.

- I can't believe it's really you.

- Oh, my God, it's him.

- Did you bring your statistics?

We have an expression around

here when someone makes a mistake.

It's called "pulling a Dick."

Up high, up high.

Have you seen

DickHarperIsATool. com?

Oh, you're gonna love this.

This is dynamite.

I don't know where

you're getting your statistics,

Who is that? Who is that?

It's you! It's you!

Can we just get on

with the job interview?

This guy!

We couldn't hire you!

We just wanna take your picture.

Okay, everybody, little bit closer.

One, two, three.

Statistics!

Hey, how'd it go?

Oh, not too bad.

It was good practice.

- What are you doing?

- Going through our finances.

I'm not sure...

...but it seems that we may be

in a little bit of a pickle, Dick.

Well, sure, our financial bounce-back

has taken a bit longer than expected...

...but, you know, that's natural.

Our lawn was repossessed today.

I didn't even know they could do that.

I think maybe it's time you start

thinking about accepting something...

...a little bit lower

than a vice-presidency.

No. Took me 1 5 years to get

a VP-ship. If I step back now...

...I'll lose everything I worked for.

We're just gonna have to suck it up

for a couple months.

In a couple of months,

we'll be declaring bankruptcy.

- Oh, come on.

- Our savings--

Look. Our savings

was in Globodyne stock.

Jesus. And, look, our pension

was in Globodyne stock.

Everything was in Globodyne stock!

All of it!

The lawn is covered with dirt!

It is so much fun!

I have made a mud man!

Now, Billy is looking

at the glass half full.

Hon, relax. We've got 600 grand.

- Where?

- We're standing in it. Our house.

Since Globodyne, the local

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