Funky Monkey

Freeze!

Take your mask off and turn around.

I said, turn around.

Did you hear me?

Three, two, one.

It's about time you got here.

Let's roll.

Good.

Clemens. Come on down.

Hold my feet steady.

I'm going to deactivate the laser beam.

Red or green?

What are you doing? What are you doing

to my legs, Clemens?

Keep--

Keep still!

Are you crazy?

This is no time for a snack.

Put the banana down

and get back to work.

No!

/Intruder alert.

/Intruder alert.

/Intruder alert.

I hope you' re enjoying this.

All right, boys. You wanna dance?

Is that what you wanna do, wanna

dance? Come on, hook my arms!

Go ahead!

Are you dizzy?

Good. I hope you puke.

/Please remain where you are.

/Training sequence is complete.

/Please remain where you are.

/Training sequence is complete.

Nice work. Good job.

Let's just check

your pulmonary function here.

Hey, guys. Give him some room.

Let him catch his breath.

Hey, hey. What's that?

I'm giving him special medicine.

-What special medicine?

-Just following orders, man.

-Whose orders?

-Mine.

Congratulations, McCall.

You've trained

the chimpanzee beautifully.

Well done.

All right, now. Come with me.

Right this way.

A toast...

...to Project Clemens.

A total success.

I wouldn't celebrate just yet, Flick.

He's not ready.

What do you mean, not ready? I just

witnessed him. He's a fighting machine.

Sure, he has the physical skills...

...but he's too playful, undisciplined.

You saw how he was with the banana.

He disobeyed a direct order,

jeopardizing the entire mission.

Let me worry about that.

I have my methods of dealing

with his self-control.

How? With injections?

Get in there. Go on.

Hey! Don't use that on him.

You're hurting him.

Mr. McCall, perhaps I should remind you

that Clemens belongs to me.

Your job was to train him,

which you have.

Therefore, I believe that your work

is no longer required here at Z.I.T.

Understand?

Don't spend it all in one place.

I'm not leaving till you tell me

what Zit's doing with Clemens.

It is not "Zit. "

It is Z.I.T.

Zoology lnternational Technology.

You got it?

What's gonna happen to Clemens, Flick?

Save the righteous crap, McCall.

Your reputation precedes you.

You are a paycheck guy.

You come, you do your job, you're

out the door. It is why I hired you.

Here's your paycheck.

Right over there is the door.

Take it.

Hiya, Clemens.

Come here for a second.

Hey. You think we could have

a moment alone?

Thanks.

Hey, pal.

Well...

...I guess it's time for me

to be moving on.

So I guess this is goodbye.

Don't go getting all mushy on me.

You gotta be strong, like I taught you.

Hey, listen, I got you something.

For when you get lonely.

There you go, buddy.

Well, well, it's a touching

Hallmark moment between the monkey...

...and the organ grinder.

Somebody get me a Kleenex.

Here come the waterworks.

-What is it, Drummond?

-Mr. Flick asked me...

...to watch you, wants to make sure

you don't take anything.

What is that? Is that contraband?

-Peters, you grab that right now.

-Got it.

-It's a stupid toy. Let him have it.

-Hand over the monkey.

Good monkey. Come on.

-Give it back to him.

-Where's the monkey?

Who's got the monkey?

Stop it.

Haven't we become

the protective mother hen.

Tell me, were you this attached

to recruits you trained at the ClA?

My recruits weren't trained

to be experiments.

Think it's bad here?

Wait till we get him to the lab.

-What lab?

-Science lab.

Mr. Flick will be sending

all these wonder--

-Shut up.

-Right.

Visiting hours are over, McCall.

Why don't you

make like a banana and split.

Yes, Dr. Spleen, the training phase

is complete.

The chimpanzee will arrive

at your laboratory tonight.

Of course you have my permission

to do anything it takes.

Operate, if you must.

Oh, yes, get the chimpanzee

on aggression steroids ASAP.

The board expects to see it in full

operation by the end of the month.

Once they see the prototype

in action...

...we'll be able to work

on the rest of the animals.

Thank you, Dr. Spleen. Goodbye.

Okay, hey. Going on a little trip.

Little trippy. Into the--

Right there. Loop on the head. Come on.

Hold still. Hold still.

Hold-- Drummond!

The monkey won't hold still. It won't

come to the snaggle-y, ropy thing.

-Oh, he won't, huh?

-No.

Well, you gotta give him a jolt with this.

-That'll straighten him out.

-Yeah. Nice.

-Hey. What's that sound?

-What sound?

-Right there. Can you hear it?

-No, I don't hear anything.

No, but it's like a...kind of.

Like a hum.

What is it? I didn't authorize any noises.

I don't know, it's like somebody

cutting the lawn.

Like a leafblower. Or a motor to a--

Headlight. Headlight!

Clemens, I'm busting you out.

-Mind if I borrow your passkey?

-Hey! Hey! Don't let him--

-What are you doing?

-Thanks.

Are you okay? I think I hurt my--

Peters, do something!

Don't just sit there!

Attention, all units. McCall is back

and he's stolen the chimp.

I repeat, we have a chimp on the loose.

Move!

On your left!

Move!

What is going on here?

I want someone to tell me

what is going on!

Clemens!

-Flick's computer!

-What do you think you're doing?

Now, grab it!

Drummond, Peters,

they got my computer!

Coming through!

McCall!

Wait right there, buddy!

Hang on to your mangoes, Clemens.

Clemens has left the building.

I need that chimp, Drummond.

You and Peters have to find it.

And my computer too.

There's enough information

on that laptop...

...it will bring

the whole operation down.

I wouldn't worry, sir. I happen to know

that McCall is computer-illiterate.

Yeah. I happen to know

the monkey is too.

If you two do not find

that monkey immediately...

...you will be lucky to find jobs

as security guards at a mini-mall.

You can't do that.

They already turned us down.

They said something about

a college education.

I grew up on the prairie, and--

Peters. Please!

-What did I tell you about talking?

-Right. I remember now.

My back's killing me.

Those beds suck.

Hey. I'll get us some snacks

for the road, all right?

You go wait on the motorcycle.

Safari Mountain.

Harland. I can't wait to see you.

I hope you like Ho Hos and Twinkies.

What's up?

You're right. We need

a new mode of transportation.

Michael?

Michael. Let's go, I don't wanna be late.

That's okay, Mom.

I'm taking my bike today.

-I'm going to the zoo after school.

-Great. You going with some friends?

No, for my biology report

on primitive animal behavior.

Speaking of hairy things, if anyone

should call to see the guest apartment...

...tell them no pets.

-I forgot to put that in the ad.

-Got it. Bye, Mom.

I love you.

I love you too. You have fun.

See you later.

-Morning, Mr. Johnson.

-Morning, Michael.

Hey. Check it out.

Dweeb, 12 o'clock.

That's a nice bike you got there, Dean.

What's the matter, Dean?

Get out of here, Nathan!

-Don't! No! Move it! Come on, guys!

-Come on, String Dean!

Oh, man!

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