Funky Monkey Page #2

Shouldn't have left your house

without your training wheels, Dean.

Jerks.

Twenty-one, 22, 23!

Hey, String Dean!

Put some more muscle into it!

What little you got.

Twenty-four, 25, 26, 27....

Forty-nine.

Fifty.

Hi, Michael.

-Hi....

-Christina.

Yeah, Christina. I know your name.

I'm a little out of breath

from all the pushups. Hi, Christina.

I heard you set the curve

on the chem exam.

-Who told you?

-Sister Catherine.

-She announced it over the PA.

-She did?

I'm kidding.

Michael, you gotta lighten up.

Wedgy!

String Dean, dude.

Show the girl some respect.

Your underwear's showing.

Oh, man.

Hey, hey. What's going on?

Nathan? I leave you in charge

for 10 minutes...

...and there's an uproar. Why is that?

Ten laps, let's go. Come on, move it!

Not you. You come with me.

I wanna talk to you.

I said, move it, let's go. Move it!

You all right?

-Yeah.

-Sometimes I think...

...my entire football team

is sharing a brain.

But you, Michael, you....

You're a smart kid.

You're smarter than

most of the faculty. Which is...

...kind of what I wanna talk

to you about.

Sister Catherine has been on my case

about some of my starting players.

She says if they don't

improve their grades....

Well, then they're not gonna

be able to play.

What can I do?

You can tutor them.

You can tutor them after school.

You know, I mean,

you can do it right here on the field.

You want me to come

to football practice?

Yeah, that'd be great.

Who knows, maybe you can

make some friends.

I have friends.

That aren't on the faculty.

Hey, Christina....

All right. I'll do it.

But I get to join the team.

You're serious, right?

All right. Now, listen to me.

Just-- Football plus little guy...

...you know, that equals pain.

So my advice, you just stick with

the books, you just--

You don't need--

Stay away from football.

I'll tell you what.

I'll tutor them, and I won't play.

But I get to show up at practice

in a uniform.

You want a uniform?

A uniform, sure, that's easy.

If it makes you happy, you can--

You get two uniforms.

Great!

Okay, so tomorrow? We got a deal?

And don't tell anybody.

Now, take off. Catch up.

No, we're not there yet.

But, hey, we'll be there pretty soon.

What are you doing?

Sorry!

Fine. Sure. Do whatever you want.

Please, just eat your snacks.

Don't shake it. It will explode.

The contents are under pressure.

That's really very nice, Clemens.

You got it all over my brand-new pants

and your new shirt.

Looks like I peed my pants.

Thank you. That's very nice.

Safari Mountain. It was gonna

be a surprise, Clemens.

I was gonna take you to a place

with lots of chimpanzees.

My old buddy Harland works here.

He's gonna help us out.

But you gotta promise me

to be on your best behavior, okay?

/I estimate about 5 or 6 years old.

Think l' m gonna check

the little fella's reflexes.

What--?

-Strong little guy, huh?

-Sorry.

Right on.

Harland, I appreciate

you letting me hide him here.

No worries, man.

As soon as I figure out what to do next

I'll come back and get him.

Okay. You got it, man.

All right.

All right, Clemens. This here's Harland.

We went to school together.

He'll take care of you...

...till I figure out what to do, and then

I'll come back and get you.

You don't gotta worry

about a thing.

There's plenty of female chimps

and the best bananas.

So it's all good, man.

All right, you be a good little monkey...

...and don't eat too many bananas.

All right, guys.

Get this fella into quarantine,

make sure he doesn't have bugs...

...before you put him

with the other chimps.

-Ten-four, Harland.

-Got it.

Okay, hold on, Clemens, just calm down.

No one's gonna hurt you. Chill out.

Chill out. Guys?

Nice and easy.

Okay, Clemens, I can see

you've got some anger issues.

I get angry too, but now I just....

I just let things

just bounce right off me.

Son of a--

Attention.

/Attention. Attention, zoo guests.

/We have a situation here.

/Apparently, one of our animals

has escaped.

Do not worry. We have the situation

totally, totally under control.

Man, if they knew how crazy

this ape was...

/... we 'd have a riot on our hands.

I left my finger on the mike again,

didn't l?

/Like I said, please remain calm.

There is nothing to fear.

Clemens.

Hi there. How'd you get out?

You want some popcorn?

Come down here.

Here you go.

Are you the one that everybody's

been worrying about?

You don't seem so scary.

Don't move, kid. That is a dangerous,

dangerous primate.

It's okay. I'm not afraid.

Harland. I found him over near

the jungle food court. He has a hostage.

-I'm not a hostage.

-We know what we're doing, kid.

Step away

from the fierce "petroglodyte. "

The chimp!

Okay, Biff. Nice and easy, on three.

One...

...two...

...three!

So that's how we're gonna play, huh?

Let's double-snare him, on three.

One, two, three!

What is go--?

What the--?

Clemens. What did you do?

What did he do? He went nuts

and hit me in mine.

-ls that his name? Clemens?

-Yeah.

Hi, Clemens. I'm Michael Dean.

-ls he yours?

-Yeah...

...but right now he belongs to the zoo.

No, no, no, McCall.

McCall, I can't take this chimp.

I like my job. I'm not gonna keep it...

-...with this monkey around.

-What are you saying?

-You said you'd take care of him.

-New policy says I gotta...

...be smarter than the apes.

Sorry, man.

Well, that's just great.

Where we gonna stay now, Clemens?

Attaboy.

Little help?

How messed up an animal you gotta be

to get kicked out of a zoo?

Hey, mister. Are you serious

about saying you need a place to stay?

Because my mom has

an apartment she rents out.

Sure she wouldn't mind

a chimp as a tenant?

No, she loves animals.

All kinds. The hairier, the better.

Listen, I'm going to meet her

right now at the Promenade.

Why don't you follow me?

Michael, right? I'm Alec McCall.

-All right.

-I'll go get my bike.

Okay.

You like that kid, don't you?

Then don't blow this.

We need a place to lie low.

No more monkeying around

like you did at the zoo, okay?

Attaboy.

You know...

...it might be good

if you just met my mom.

I mean, let's see if she likes you first.

All right.

Clemens, you stay here.

I'll be right back.

No, Clemens. Stay.

Stay.

That's pretty good.

I'll run ahead and tell my mom

you're coming.

Her name's Megan.

She's a computer programmer.

Megan. Computers. Got it.

How do I look?

How's my breath? Is it okay?

It's that bad, huh? You got any candy?

Cool.

Thanks.

You stay here. I'll be right back.

Don't talk to any strangers.

Mr. McCall, over here. Come on.

Hi. Mr. McCall, this is my mom.

-Hello. I'm Megan Dean.

-Hi.

-Hiya.

-Please, have a seat.

Oh, thanks.

-So are you new to the area, Mr. McCall?

-Alec. I grew up here.

I moved after high school.

And I kind of wandered back.

T oday, actually.

Wandered back from where?

Bay Area. Michael tells me

you work with computers.

Yeah, I'm a programmer.

Hey, he took my purse!

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