Fury of the Fist and the Golden Fleece Page #6

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Here comes the Supervisor.

Who called the Supervisor?

Nice nunchucks, soul glow.

-You smacked my ass!

-How can I help you ladies?

[whooping]

Oh! What the...

The Albanian told us

about your car wash.

More like a money wash

where you launder Fed Notes

from making sales

of garbage meat, garbage meat

to the hard-working

American man.

I got your meat in my pants.

You got nothing!

Sleep, sleep, little boy. Okay.

-What's your name, man?

-Name? What's your name?

What's your name?

-I asked you first.

-I asked you second.

I like to know a man's name

before I put it on his grave.

[grunts]

Welcome to the Super Car Wash.

[El Guapo] Hey, Fist,

ju gonna do something

or stand there looking like

Pippi Longstocking?

This guy is smacking

our ass, man.

Do something.

I hope everyone is having

a beautiful day.

Are my friends too much

of a nuisance for you?

No, no problem,

no problem, Fist.

Now Superboss,

he wants to see your fist, Fist.

Not as much

as I want to see him.

Not as much

as I want to see your fist.

-Thank you.

-Let me show you something.

[smacking]

-Thank you.

-Yes, thank you.

[Supervisor] Have a nice day.

I've been up all night for this.

How ya doing?

Welcome to the Super Car Wash,

where we do

everything super great.

How are you finding our service?

Feel free to take a survey...

Fantastic.

I'm sorry if my Supervisor

was a little rough

with your friends.

Not good.

They were probably

asking for it.

What my little friend

is trying to say is,

we heard a rumor

that you're selling

meat pumped full of estrogen

to emasculate men.

[laughing]

[laughing maniacally]

I know, right!

Soylent Beef

is the wave of the future.

Soylent Green

is the number one seller

in the world.

Okay, boopie. Thank you.

Out, out.

[breathing heavily]

I'm talking 50%

reduction in male testosterone.

50% reduction

in male testosterone.

50%! Are you hearing me?

Soon, man and woman

will become interchangeable,

like lady-boy bok choy.

Lady-boy bok choy!

I know your game!

I know your game!

But I tell you what,

I've been taking this

organic testosterone booster

for years now, and I'm ready,

you understand

what I'm saying, Mean Gene?

I'm ready to fight

your reptilian army!

And I'm gonna squish you

like a bug.

You're like a buffalo, man.

Just relax.

[pleasant music playing]

Hi, welcome.

Would you like a discount

to our super saver plan?

I don't do discounts.

Ah!

Senorita, you sure

you don't want a discount?

Ah!

[moaning]

[Superboss] I can't let you

go off

and warn these half-men

about my operation.

We need them slaving away

for the rest of their days.

Give it 30 years.

We'll be feeding them

genetically modified food,

and these idiots

will be eating it up.

Slaves!

They keep the economy going

in the hopes of one day

finding a man-eating,

ball busting, credit-swiping

witch for a wife.

Witch?

Boy! I told you

not to call women witches.

Mom!

I'm right in the middle

of a final showdown here.

Have some respect, Marian...

-Marian?

-Marian?

That's a sissy-ass name, man.

You like a lady!

-Shut up!

-Marian.

Just shut up! You die right now.

[laughing]

Who's this?

Hey, big boy. Take me.

-Hey.

-I'm yours.

Okay.

Give it to me, daddy.

Give it to me.

Mom! Mom! Mom!

Mother!

Look, I love you,

but will please just leave.

This is still my car wash.

Mine.

Okay, but remember he's mine.

Sure.

Fine. Fine.

Let's go.

Okay, cut, cut,

this is not right.

What did you do to The Fist!

I did.

I put enough estrogen

in those camel-filled

sweaty hairy balls

to grow you another tit.

What does Fist need

a third tittie for?

I told you, and I warned you

that I'm a witch from hell,

and you didn't believe me!

Ju know what your problem is,

pussycat?

Ju got nothing to do.

Ju need a passion in life.

And a Quaalude.

That's why I'd take

made in China

over American crap any day.

Don't make too much noise, boys,

I'm putting mama to bed,

you know when you blow

their brains out.

[singing in foreign language]

So this survey

says you're dead.

In this world, there's right,

and there's wrong.

And you. You're wrong.

Dead wrong.

Got anything else to declare?

[The Fist] You're damaged goods.

[shrieking]

Have no fear, KGB is here!

[grunting]

[yelping]

[yelling]

Gimme some of that DDT!

I'm ready!

I need to resent the reptilians.

[upbeat music playing]

[dramatic music playing]

[slow motion groaning]

[coughing]

[gagging]

Have a super day.

[laughing]

You got a nice smile.

And you do, too.

Who's next!

[laughing]

You know, I don't have

to do this today.

I can come back tomorrow.

Just tell me,

is it still screwed on?

I'm out of lines.

Ha, ha!

Not so tough now, huh!

[narrator] Now don't go

scratching your heads

and shaking dandruff all over

the person next to you.

Fist might look tough

as Swayze,

but that Soylent Green GMO

estrogen he got slipped

would have you feeling

like Tinker Bell, too.

It's time for Fist to find

that tiger's eye he lost

with his gold fleece jacket.

[grunts]

Where has my gold gone?

Forged in the hearts of men,

grown drunk

on the spoils of war.

[Drunk Santa]

Shut that sh*t up.

How we doing?

Was it something,

I was off-key or something?

Hey, listen up everybody.

When the dragon sings,

everybody listen.

[The Fist] Dragon?

Dragons are meant to be wise.

Tell me,

where is my gold fleece?

Dragon mist.

Ain't you The Fist?

[sighs] Used to be.

When the world's

on your shoulders,

there's only one way down.

I lost it all. My home.

My job.

My manhood.

When you lose something,

there's only one thing to do,

retrace your steps.

[shrieking]

[Duck Suck Song]

We are faced with a simple

complex formula, people.

The tide

in the affairs of men

have become a flood

in a bucket of tears.

It is time for us

to build our castles

in the air.

Fist, you have been looking

for the one for many moons.

But you will never reach

your potential

until you can forget

what you cannot remember.

There has been

and always was only one.

He who cries in the dojo,

laughs on the battlefield.

The heartbeat of a man

is what powers the earth.

Listen for it.

But do not dwell on it,

for like a thief,

if you let him in,

he will steal the night.

Body, mind, soul must be one.

Come on, punch me.

Punch me. Kick me.

Kick me.

[El Guapo] Get him, Fist.

Again.

Again, come on.

[grunting]

Everyone gets knocked down.

Just make sure

to punish the ground

so it knows

to hold you up next time.

Man, this Chinese bullshit

don't work, Jack.

Fist, don't worry.

I got something

to jack you up, man.

A little steroids,

a little cocaine.

I got a guy in Colombia.

Sosa.

Class A sh*t.

Man, this is the '80s.

You can just go downtown,

baby.

Now ju talking, Jackson.

The temple is the body.

If you burn it down,

you cannot honor the gods.

Honor the gods!

It's okay, Fist.

I'll be back, man.

We'll come back, come on.

We're being watched.

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