Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder Page #4

Cool.

Eons ago, the life force we call|Chee permeated the universe.

The Green Chee generated a great|upwelling of life across the cosmos.

But then, for reasons unknown...

Ooh. "Reasons unknown. "

Now that's the sort of hook that|grabs the attention of me, the viewer.

For reasons unknown...

Nice.

...the Chee began to recede,|and the diversity of life began to wither.

The life forms we know today

are but a fraction of a fraction of|the magnificence that once existed.

But a bunch of dudes, right,

they totally passed this far-out|knowledge down through the ages.

Some with|this knowledge were called prophets,

some, fruitcakes. We, the Legion|of Madfellows, are their heirs.

Hey, I'm on TV.

- Well, that's the show.|- Neat. What's it got to do with me?

Pooperdoodle!|I mean, pardon the omission.

You see, after untold eternities,|we have sensed a resurgence in the Chee.

Hey, that's the violet dwarf star|that Leela wants to save.

Freaking nailed it, corndog.

We believe this star|heralds a new green age,

and it's your destiny to be|its shepherd and protector.

Me? Why?

'Cause you got, like,|no delta brainwave, man.

The Dark Ones can't|groove off your thoughts.

Silence, Hutch!|You shall learn more in time, Fry.

But for now,|let's just say we have enemies,

enemies who can read|minds, except yours.

Cool. I can't wait to tell Leela.

No! If you tell anyone,|then their thoughts could be read,

and our enemies would|know of our existence.

For the sake of those you love,|you must keep this secret.

- Do you foot-swear?|- Okay. I foot-swear.

Good. Now, to save the|coming of the green age,

you must stop this man.

I know him. Leo Wong.|I work with his daughter.

Good, that will cut about|15 minutes of explanation.

You must gain Wong's confidence,|infiltrate his organization

and prevent him from|destroying the violet dwarf.

- Looking for a job, eh?|- Yes, sir.

Nothing fancy. I'm willing to start at|the bottom and infiltrate my way up.

Sorry, no openings right now.

What I need is security guard to|keep nutcases out of my office.

- I'm good at keeping nutcases.|- I said no way.

Security guard gotta be tough.

This idiot don't look like|he could handle those feministas.

I look like an idiot who|can handle those feministas.

He'll have to do better than that.

I'll have to do better than that.

Hmm. You and I think a lot alike.

You really think you can|stand up to those eco-freakos?

Sir, with me around,|they'll be the least of your worries.

Stand by, men. And manly aliens.|Prepare to test fire King Kong hole.

It workses.

Good job, men. And manly aliens.

Construction of|King Kong hole complete.

Typical.|Always King Kong, never Queen Quong.

What are those, hooks?|Get out of heres, you hookers.

This is my turfs.

Helpses!

You go, gorilla!

Our top story.|The string of eco-vandalism

that began with a harmless|vice-presidential killing

has spread across the galaxy.

Why do you always get to|read the top story, Morbo?

Because viewers trust a deep male|voice and huge, throbbing forehead veins.

Not all reaction to the crime|spree has been negative.

We spoke with several people who viewed|these courageous eco-feminists as heroes.

I just wish there was|some way to... Excuse me.

Some way to show I support 'em.|Send them some smokes or something.

So you make more than|twice what I do. What?

This just in:
Root 2 News has|received a video communique

from the eco-feminists'|unknown hideout.

This is sub-commander L.,

den mother of the|Feminista Revolutionary Collective,

with a message for Leo Wong.

Leo, you're a parasite on the universe,|and parasites must be destroyed.

That's why we've adopted|this parasite as our mascot.

I know it's a little confusing.

The point is, even this|vicious leech has a right to exist,

because it's a part of nature.

And that's why a vicious leech|like Leo Wong must be exterminated.

Again, confusing.

We call on women|everywhere to join our struggle

against eco-chauvinist Leo Wong.

We especially need|good communique writers.

Feministas unite!

- In other news...|- Feministas unite!

Feministas unite!

Incredible. Absolutely incredible.

You're telling me this TiVo machine|can pause and rewind live TV?

These crazy broads|gonna ruin me, Nixon.

You gotta help me.|Send the army or something.

Something big that shoots.

Sir, I don't care if you|are my biggest contributor.

Our armed forces do not serve|your private business interests.

Sorry, I...

I'm just yanking your chain, Leo.|I'm on it like boring on Gerry Ford.

Zapp Brannigan purporting for duty.

For the love of God, Kif,|less piccolo, more fife.

Report, Brannigan.

Mr. President, I failed to identify|these curvaceous banditas

despite hours of staring|at their dossiers.

Yet, I seemed to have|stroked myself upon good luck,

for a patriot of the highest order|has volunteered to lead us to them.

These eco-feminists|are ruthless criminals

who'll stop at nothing|to save the environment.

I don't see how|a bending unit can catch them.

Not just any bending unit,|Presidente.

I happen to be brilliant,|fearless and short on cash.

Short on cash.

Slush him, Kroker.

Bender here has identified the femdito|commander as my ex-lover, Turanga Leela,

whom I once made love at.

And he's willing to fink|her out for a few simoleons?

It's not about the money, Nixon,|though I'd like much more.

It's 'cause Leela's a threat.|A threat to my reputation.

She's committed 30 felonies|in 12 star systems.

If no one stops her, she'll break|my record for longest rap sheet.

That's a despicable motive,|Bender, and I respect it.

Now, I could find Leela, but|you'll need to authorize a wiretap.

- As many as you like.|- I only need one.

Let's call it six.

Question. If you don't know where|Leela is, how can you wiretap her?

I'm not wiretapping her,|Greensleeves.

You see, like all women,|Leela has one weakness.

Hello, weakness!

Hey, Bender, check it out.|I'm Leo Wong's new security guard.

I got an ID badge and a flashlight,|and I ordered this mustache.

Neat. Say, speaking of|whatever the hell you just said,

I need to make a cell|phone telephone call.

Can borrow your|cell phone telephone?

Okay, but don't|restart my Tetris.

I was finally about|to get one of those pieces

that looks like a backwards "L."

Okay, superstud.

Looking good, security.|No feministas getting past you.

No, sir. Not on my|mustache's watch.

Fry, I can't believe you're working|with my dad against Leela.

How can you claim to be|her friend and still want her in jail?

It's a tightrope walk,|I won't deny it.

It takes the kind of multi-sided|thinking your dad's so brilliant at.

- You mean being two-faced?|- Don't mind cranky-pants here.

She been cranky ever since|she was a fat little girl.

Dad!

Can I be brutally honest, Fry?|I always wanted a son.

That hurt, but I can take it.

I knew you wanted a son!

Why do you think I became|a miniature golf champion?

Why do you think I wear|these stupid boys' sweat suits?

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