Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder Page #5

To hide your|big, fat butt, that's why.

Now, sir, in fairness,|Amy's butt is actually pretty hot.

What is it with you men?

Why does everything|revolve around my butt?

'Cause it's so big and massive.

- Sorry.|- That's it!

Why don't you just adopt Fry and|make him the son you never had?

That'll replace the daughter|you don't have anymore!

Whoa! What's with Big Butt?

She just hungry.

- Here you go, Fry.|- Thanks.

Oh! FYI, I dropped that Tetris piece in|the wrong place and ended the game.

No!

Great! Now Amy's gonna|tell Leela I'm a jerk.

If only I could explain|I'm on a secret mission against evil.

Wait. Evil? Yeah, yeah, evil.

What's going on in there?|A scary noise?

Hey, you're one of|Leela's feministas.

"Save the environment!|Wo-mandate Leo's retirement!"

That's terrible writing!|Stop making your point so ineffectively!

Take your mands off of me!

I'm on your side.

Don't shush me.

Please, can you take|a message to Leela?

What is it?

Just say her sweet goofbag is working to|save the violet dwarf star, just like she is.

Very well,|I'll fem-municate your man-formation.

Just tell her.

Well, this is it, old friends.|Planet Express is done for,

what with our|delivery crew missing

and the abysmal sales|of Tickle Me Bender.

Quit touching my junk, pervert!

Hold out your hands|and I'll remove your career chips.

I hate to see it come to an end.

When will it end?

Shouldn't you get that, Professor?

I suppose.

Hello?

Professor, old buddy,

I'm gonna blow up|the violet dwarf star.

So I need you deliver|billion-mile security fence

to keep out protesters.|Dirty business. Lot of money.

You corrupt enough?

Damn skippy!

Good news, crybabies!|We're back in business.

Sweet kookaburra of Edinburgh, Professor.|You sure you know how to fly this thing?

I invented it, didn't I?|You wouldn't ask Thomas Edison

whether he knew|how to use a sexmatron.

The feministas, probably.

Halt! What are you doing|in this parallelogram of space?

We're delivering a fence to|keep you ladies in your place.

- Amy?|- Labarbara?

That's right, husband.

From now on, you make|your own Manwiches.

Under the articles of the confemiracy,|we hereby wo-mandeer this ship.

Oh, no, you don't.|It's three against three.

That was the greatest play I ever saw.|It must have had 20 acts.

We installed your fence, Leo Wong.

- Yeah!|- Yeah!

Should we shout a clever slogan?

You mean something like,|"The best defense is a good fence?"

Yeah, something|like that, only funny.

I wish we could,

but our chief slogan writer is|back at the Honeybun Hideout.

Does "violet dwarf" rhyme|with "men are dorks"?

It does through a megaphone.

That reminds me, I've got to|tell Leela about that weirdo

who wants to save|the violet dwarf.

So, the Legion|of Madfellows has a new pawn, eh?

Is somebody here?

If you're the DSL guy,|you're two days late.

Who gave you that message for Leela?

I don't know his name.

Then you are of no use to the Dark Ones!

Long lost brother, avenge my death.

Where are your crappy|rhymes now, Frida Waterfall?

I'm dead. I'm dead.

Eat only natural whole-grain bread.

Six, seven, eight|Lock the gate

One, two, three|Turn the key

30, 50, 10

- My dirty, shifty friend?|- Hey, Fry, long time.

Welcome back to the|Legion of Madfellows, man.

Why'd you bonk me, you idiot?

You could have just|asked me to come with you.

And where are we? This doesn't|look like your regular dumpster.

All in good time!

I guess now is a good time.

We are on Mars,|in a forgotten cavern

abandoned by the native|Martians a million years ago.

Actually, it was five years ago.|I remember 'cause they washed my socks.

You have done well, Fry.

You have ingratiated|yourself with Leo Wong.

Yup, I kissed his ass|from cheek to shining cheek.

So, what do I do next?

As Wong security chief,

you will be on hand when|he attempts to destroy the violet dwarf.

You must not let that happen.

"Must let happen. "

Not happen!

"Must let occur. "

Let me tell you a story.|A story of two alien species

so ancient that compared to them|the human race is a mere college senior!

On a distant planetoid they evolved|to cooperate in their quest to survive.

Cooperation, because|life is a team sport.

But, over time,|one species evolved a better strategy,

and an evolutionary arms race began.

That concludes the audio-visual|portion of our head-clonk and lecture.

Wait, what happened|to the snakes and the frogs?

I need to know!

The frogs, or possibly the snakes,|evolved into vicious killing machines,

honed by the merciless forces of|natural selection and intelligent design.

We call these the Dark Ones!

These evil creatures preyed on all life,|driving species after species to extinction.

Meanwhile, however,

the second species evolved|to fend off the Dark Ones,

befriending and protecting|all other living things.

- Even Celine Dion?|- Probably.

We call these noble|beings the Encyclopods,

because their DNA incorporates

the DNA of every endangered|species they encountered,

so they can recreate|them if they go extinct.

Just as a pillow, a wig and a corncob pipe|can be used to recreate my old girlfriend!

Bingo.

Meanwhile, at the Honeybun Hideout.

There! Now you know how it feels|to be locked up in a go-go cage.

What the hell are you talking about?

Shut your man-hole.

I feel dirty.

Are you sure Fry is|working for your father?

It just doesn't seem like him to|be so evil, or to hold down a job.

It's true, Leela.|Cross My Heart bra and swear to Goddess.

But the Fry I know|wouldn't do that.

I'm gonna call his cell phone|telephone and prove you wrong.

Oh, no! Frida's been murdered!

Sweet she-cattle of Seattle.

Not your|strong suit, woman.

Who could have done this?

Your dad? Nixon?

Fry?

No, never. I don't think.

Anyhow, there's a crazed|murderer on the loose,

possibly in the shadows|or hanging from the ceiling.

So just stay calm while I call Fry.

So where are the Encyclopods|and the Dark Ones now?

When the life-giving|Chee receded,

only the toughest organisms|could adapt and survive,

like the Dark Ones.

Many more died out,|like the Encyclopods.

But, and this is the|great secret of our age,

we believe they|left an egg behind.

- Is it edible?|- We're not gonna eat it!

Not unless we find a second one.|No, Fry, we intend to hatch it!

And that's where you come in.

And here I am.

At long last the tide|of Chee has returned,

and its nourishing flow|has awakened the dormant egg.

That's good.

It's better than good. It's better.|With its massive stash of DNA,

the Encyclopod can reconstruct|every species that ever went extinct.

Imagine, all the animals that|failed evolution's test, alive again!

The dodo bird, the brittle-klutz,|the striped biologist-taunter.

- So, where is this egg?|- In the violet dwarf star system.

- And what does it look like?|- A violet dwarf star!

You mean, the whole star|is a single... Whoa! Sci-fi.

Alas! Even now, a Dark One is headed|to the star to ensure its destruction.

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