Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder Page #6

Dang! So what does|this Dark One look like?

We don't know. I admit|it's a horrifically grave situation.

Don't sugarcoat it, Nine.

The Dark Ones have|been evolving so long,

it could be anything or anyone.

Or anybody.

You mean, like, people?

Any people. It will kill the egg,

and every dude, woman|and child who knows about it.

Even our crazy caps will|be useless at close range.

That's why only you, with your|defective unreadable brainwave,

may be able to thwart them

and usher in a new|green age of wonder and...

You're on Fry-time. Leela!

- Did you get my message?|- What message?

Didn't you see Frida Waterfall?

So you did|kill Frida Waterfall?

What? No. I told her|to tell you that I'm...

Oh, Jeep! The Dark Ones|got her. It's all true.

We need to talk, Leela.|Then I can explain...

Well, I can't explain anything,|but we should talk anyway.

- Where are you?|- Oh, no.

I'm not gonna expose|the Honeybun Hideout.

Where are you?

Near the Keeler Crater on Mars.|Do you know it?

I think I read about it.

I'll meet you at the south|rim in one hour. No mustaches.

Kif, set coordinates, 36-24-36.

AKA, Leela.

Ten minutes late.|Ain't that just like a womanista?

- Are you alone?|- Of course, don't you trust me?

There's no escape, Leela.

If you surrender,|wave your shirt in the air.

Fry, you traitor!

Hop onto|the magnet, Leela!

Okay. One, two...

I can't believe you|ratted me out, Fry.

I'm not a rat, I swear.

If I'm any rodent, it's the loyal|capybara, king of the rats! No, wait.

This just in, we are about|to get our asses blown off.

- Labarbara?|- That's right, Linda.

Stay strong, ladies. We can lose them|in the giant miniature golf course.

But the course isn't finished.|And there's no girls allowed.

Fore!

So, they want to play mini golf, eh?|Two can play at that game.

Or even four, depending on|the number of ball colors available.

- I choose pink.|- That's their color, sir.

The hell it is.

They're gaining on us.|We need a birdie on the windmill hole.

Wait. Wait.

Drop the boot!

Sir, at our present speed,

the computer predicts|a 100% chance we'll be sliced in half.

We'll never make it.

Not with that attitude, we won't.|Same speed ahead!

We made it through, Kif.|How many men did we lose?

All of them.

Well, at least they won't|have to mourn each other.

Seal the airlocks,|and draw the shades.

Resume shooting.

Oh, no! The gorilla! That's a par-four!

The mouth's too dangerous.|I'm going for the nose.

Don't be a sucker. You won't|come out anywhere near the hole.

You need to aim for the jaws|just when they start to close.

Start to close?|Are you out of your...

We made it!

Captaining 101. Go for the nose.

My arms are broken,|I'll never paint again.

You can't sue the military.

I'm okay then.

Damage report.

We lost all remaining|food and oxygen, Captain.

As well as our XM Radio antenna.

Then this chase is over.

Kif, set course|for the nearest XM repair facility.

Meanwhile, we shall|sing top hits from the '80s.

Which '80s, sir?

For me, there are only one '80s.

Smell like I sound|I'm lost and I'm found

And I'm hungry like the wolf

The shot was too good!|We're jamming straight for the hole.

We're gonna crash, even.

Shmeesh, shmill out,|shmeverybody. It's a wormhole hole.

Of course, a wormhole!|We'll simply disappear and reappear in

another part of the universe.

We made it!

Crud nuggets!|We de-spaced right next to the Nimbus.

Just when you think the chase|is over, it gets twice as exciting!

Hey, look at that.

Well, well, well.

My bloodhound-like instincts|must have hunted them down

while my other parts|were throbbing to Duran Duran.

Shall I initiate a pointless|and potentially fatal pursuit?

Make it so.

It's gonna be fun on a bun, in space.

Look! The asteroid.|Now it's crawling with life.

Like Zoidberg's sandals!

Wow! It's incredible.

But it'll be destroyed when|Leo Wong blows up the violet dwarf.

- So why are you helping him?|- I can't tell you, Leela.

You just have to trust me.

You keep saying that,

but you have to give me|something to go on or I...

Out of whale oil. Out of whale oil.

The out-of-fuel indicator. It's indicating.

Say, what's that violet-colored|dwarf-like star thing we're drifting into?

The violet dwarf star!

Of course. The gorilla was the 18th hole,|so we're headed into the ball return.

What else now can go wrong?

Ladies, you're under arrest.|Prepare to be boarded again and again.

He'll never take me alive.

Don't give up yet.|I've got one more trick up my sleeve.

That's exactly the number we need.

The fairer sex.

Something's very wrong here,|and yet a little bit right.

Not so fast, Brannigan.

Even less fast, feministas!

Bender?

All two tons of me.

Oye, oye, oye.

All rise for the honorable Chief Justice|D-O-G-G and the Associate Justices.

Yo. Seat it or beat it.

The charges against|y'all femditos is murder,

mayhem, vandalism,|kidnapping and resisting arrest.

Damn! The big five.

You may now make your opening.|What you got to say for yourselves?

May it please the Court...

I mean, may it plizzle the cozizzle.

- Proceed.|- These charges are outrageous.

Our only goal was to save a rare|violet star and its precious ecosystem.

If protecting the environment is a crime,|then...

Protecting the environment is a crime.

I rest my mouth.

Do you swear to tell the whole|truth and nothing but the truth?

I... Well, now, I... Am I under|oath when I take the oath?

Can the witness identify|the feminista leader?

That's her right there,

with the "I'm gonna kill|you Bender" look in her eye.

Hey, aren't you the robot who|robbed me at gunpoint last year?

No further answers, Your Honor.

Please, Justice Dogg, Leela and|her friends are completely innocent.

Hold up. Were you or were|you not abducted by these hoes?

Well, abducted is such an ugly word.

Mr. Wong, the court cannot compel you|to testify against your own daughter.

No. No, I want to. Also, I got|something to say about my wife.

Aw, yeah.

Having heard some of the testimony|over these jams I've been listening to,

me and my crew will|now kick it in the mix.

All right. We got us|a verdict up in this High Court.

Bailiff, drop it like|it's legal precedent.

In the matter of Leo Wong v.|The Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective,

four justices vote to convict,|five to acquit.

However, since the vote was|strictly along gender lines

and the female justices' votes only|count half, you are hereby found guilty.

It's a humiliating and biased system,|but it works.

Fifty years in the maximum|security Dogg house.

Peace.

- Ladies! Welcome to hell.|- Beats Nutley on a Saturday night.

This is a privately-owned for-profit prison,|and I run a tight, cheap ship!

I've done this by cutting cost everywhere,|especially on punishment.

I rely on you inmates to make|prison unpleasant for yourselves.

You're encouraged to|sexually harass new prisoners,

organize no-holds-barred|catfights and maintain poor hygiene.

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