Futurama: The Beast With A Billion Backs Page #7

you're the only universe in the world.

- Has humanity called?

- No, sir.

Check my messages.

A flashing light means somebody called.

I know what it means.

Am I the only one

who thinks this is all a sham?

Yes.

This isn't heaven.

It just looks exactly like it,

and makes us immortal,

which I find suspicious.

Allow me to explain.

Centuries ago, I sent an image of myself

into the minds of your artists.

The heavenly clouds they painted

depict a vapor I exude.

I wish I exuded anything

that smelled half that good.

Then what about these angels?

Some kind of Scooby Doo-esque

flashlight projection?

Actually,

those are mindless jakabirds.

They keep my surface

free of parasitic larvae.

You didn't like

Country Bear Jamboree either, Leela.

There's no pleasing you.

Dearest Bender.

How are you? I am fine.

Everyone is happy here except Leela,

but you know her.

She didn't like Country Bear Jamboree,

either.

I'm so madly in love with Yivo,

I feel like a schoolgirl

with a crush on Justin Timberlake,

and then she moves

into a tiny house on his head.

We have giant rubies

that taste like root beer.

Sincerely, Fry.

- Letter for you, hyperlord Bender.

- Give me that!

Honeymoon's over, eh?

Turns out your octopus girlfriend

is a big nag

with curlers in her tentacles, huh?

Well, let's just see

if Bender will take you back.

Oh.

Stupid electro-matter.

That was my best trash can.

Pain sensor overload.

Misfile me under "U" For "euphoric."

You get an infinite number of meat dishes,

and a free refill on the soda.

Eureka.

Another elementary proof

of the Goldbach conjecture.

Okay, I admit people seem happy.

But it's all so wholesome.

And that's what's wrong with heaven.

It's boring. There's no sleaze.

- It time snu-snu.

- Me like snu-snu.

Last one to mattress island

is a rotten egg.

Why were we so angry

and jealous back in our universe?

I don't know. It was all so childish.

Look, it's Leela.

- Hi, Leela.

- Hi, Leela.

I'm sorry you're not happy here, Leela.

I'll call you an escalator.

You'll always be my little purple pumpkin.

You know, Yivo,

I've loved and lost so many times

that I was afraid.

But I'm not anymore.

I want to stay here, with you.

Ow! Ow!

What's happening?

Hey!

If robots can't go to heaven,

heaven can come to us.

All hands abaft.

Army of the damned,

prepare to board heaven.

Take that, you scurvy Kraken.

That'll teach you

to despoil our human booty.

Hello, big beak.

Too slow.

Missed me again.

Me footcup.

I'll stab you.

- Bender, stop destroying heaven.

- Shut up, doofy. I'm rescuing you.

Leave my living beings alone!

I love them.

Something you, a lifeless mechanism,

will never understand.

He's right, Bender. Please,

take your little pink sword and go home.

Seriously?

But, I did this whole

pirate-themed attack for you.

Wait a second. Let me see that sword.

Fry, where did he get this electro-matter?

Um...

Is it dry up here?

How could you, Fry?

Why do you think I asked you

not to contact other universes?

- I didn't think...

- No, you didn't.

You broke your promise

and you broke my heart.

Just go. All of you.

Ow!

I must leave now.

The nature of your universe is burning me,

even worse than my gonorrhea.

You should get checked, by the way.

If I don't go home now, I'll shkluffocate.

Let me go with you.

It'll be just the two of us.

We'll make a fire and play Uno.

Fry, stop.

- That's who we were, not who we are.

- But...

My only consolation is that

I did find one among the quadrillions

who truly understands me.

Colleen?

- Wait a second, are you and Yivo...

- That's right, Fry.

Thank you for introducing us.

Yivo has taught me

what a narrow-minded prude I was before.

Oh, great.

So what am I supposed to do now?

Go home.

Find a girl from your own universe

and live on top of her.

Saved you.

Maybe Yivo was right.

Maybe I should look

for love closer to home.

- I don't know, Leela, you think maybe...

- Oh, please.

You forgot me quick enough

when you met Colleen.

That's true.

- How about you, Amy?

- Fry...

- I'm Kif's Fonfon Ru.

- Are you?

Well, then perhaps you misunderstood

the meaning of the term.

It means, "One who doesn't sleep

with my superior officer."

That's the literal translation.

Give the poor girl a break, Kif.

It's not like she had a dictionary.

She was butt naked, for God's sakes.

So, Wernstrom,

did you happen to notice

those mighty cables Bender used on Yivo?

Pure diamondium.

More like pure crap-crapium.

No wonder Yivo got away.

Captain on deck.

At ease, buckos.

Bender, why did you do it?

We were all so happy.

And we were in love.

- That wasn't love.

- What? How can you say that?

Because Bender knows love.

And love doesn't share itself

with the world.

Love is suspicious, love is needy,

love is fearful, love is greedy.

My friends, there is no great love

without great jealousy.

I love you, meatbags.

Twenty-four...

I'm gonna get twenty-four...

I'm gonna get

twenty-fourth century on his ass

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