G.B.F.

1

Gets, gets better, better

Our summer out west,

our summer is sex

Our summer just gets better

Our summer out west,

our summer is sex

Our summer just gets

better, better

I don't need no weekend

telling me when to begin, ah

You stay upstairs until

I call you down for dinner

Single ladies want a ring

on it, I shake a finger

Let it be, I'll call you Paul

Paul, you call me Linda

Single ladies want

a ring on it, ah

I shake a finger,

I shake a finger

All the single

ladies want a ring

I shake a finger

We're just having fun

if you got to order

Our summer out west,

our summer is sex

Our summer just gets better

Our summer out west,

our summer is sex

Our summer just gets,

gets better, better

Ah, ah, ah

Better, better, ah

Ah, ah, better, better

Our summer is sex, we get

so wet about the weather

She tell you no 'cause she

want avoid a commitment

She resists, but you persist,

and I suggest her sister

She's a go-getter,

she say no, never

She's a go-getter,

she never say no

The sign says open,

doesn't ever say closed

I put a twenty on her,

she's good to go

I bet you get her,

she say no, never

Our summer out west,

our summer is sex

Our summer just gets better

Our summer out west,

our summer is sex

Our summer just gets,

gets better, better

Ever notice how in high school

There's just something

about being first,

Like that girl who's always

first to raise her hand

Or that first kid to own every

new cutting-edge ithingy?

There's so much pressure to

be a trend-setter, a pioneer.

Well, not me.

Tanner Daniels was just like any

other average comic-book geek,

More than content to

fly under the radar

And leave the trailblazing

to the others.

After all, of the many firsts

my peers were vying for,

One still remained

conspicuously up for grabs.

Never in the history

of north gateway high

Had any student admitted out loud

To being an honest-to-goodness,

card-carrying, proud...

Or even slightly modest...

homosexual,

Including me and my

best friend, Brent.

Explain this to me again.

How will being the first out kid

In school make you

instantly popular?

It's simple. All the teen

and tween rags agree...

The hottest new trend

sweeping schools worldwide

Is the G.B.F.

G.B.F.?

Gay best friend.

Every celeb has one, so

every teen girl needs one.

And pretty soon, all three

prom-queen front-runners

Will be battling it

out for my attention.

H:

E:

R:

Three powerful cliques

controlled north gateway high,

And the queen b*tch from each

Ruled our school from

nearly every direction.

Caprice winters dominated

As queen of drama,

all three kinds of choir,

And our school's loose network

of minority students.

Then there was 'Shley Osgoode,

short for "Ashley,"

Which was about as edgy as she got.

With her perpetually sunny

Mormon disposition,

'Shley ruled all wearers

of shiny gold crosses

And goody-two-shoes.

But neither could hold a

candle to Fawcett Brooks.

By far the hottest girl in school

And empress of the rich and popular,

Fawcett loved fads

and hated fatties.

Her trademark golden tresses

Had won her "best hair"

three years in a row,

an unprecedented achievement

because you're supposed

to be a senior to win.

Like neighboring warlords

in a third-world country,

They maintained an

uneasy balance of power,

Friendly but always vigilant

Of anything that could

upset the truce

And create all-out social warfare.

So, I'm thinking prom,

for maximum effect.

That way, no matter who

wins king or queen,

All anyone will remember is me.

Why not send out a mass

text and be done with it?

"F.Y.I., I like guys.

Now let's never speak

of this again."

Tanner, you cannot come out

via text. That is so gay.

Well, you can count me out...

Er, in, I guess.

Oh, how very early 2000s of you.

I'm so not surprised.

Yeah, Glenn here is more likely

to come out than Tanner,

And he is our token

vagina enthusiast.

Damn straight.

Literally.

Look, it's not a matter of if

I'm coming out. Of course I am.

It's the "when"

I'm still working on.

I just can't believe

that you'd be happy

Being some vapid whore's

sexless accessory.

And what makes you think

this plan will even work?

Oh, you know I've been

doing my reconnaissance.

Ready? Okay!

Fawcett's the obvious

prom-queen front-runner,

But since mega-hottie Hamilton

smith dumped her last week,

She's vulnerable, and she'll

be looking for an edge...

whoo!

...any edge.

What the hell was that? You guys

were totally out of sync.

It's that time of

the month, ladies.

Please. Their "must-have"

list is so five minutes ago.

Let's hear it.

This month's are...

totally bedazzled vintage totes,

Chunky cashmere ironic shrugs...

been there, worn that.

Distressed jeggings...

Cute!

I practically invented them.

Cold Langu.

And a G.B.F.

It... It stands for...

I know what it stands for.

Well, I can't help it that the

school is devoid of the gay.

I mean, if there were some,

they'd obvi worship me.

I mean, look at this.

No, no, totally.

They'd worship you.

Like, look at you.

You're, like, beautiful, like...

Okay, so, Fawcett

might fall for it,

But what makes you think a

super-Chris like 'Shley Osgood

Would ever want a G.B.F.?

'Shley is Mormon.

Hey, Glenn.

Their whole shtick is just

being relentlessly nice to you

Until you give up and throw on a

pair of their magic underwear.

Yeah, they smile to your face

and prop-8 you in the back.

I can't believe our godless

peers read this blasphemy.

They're trying to

make sin seem "in."

I don't know.

Don't you ever think it would

be kind of neat to meet one?

Like a real, live gay?

What?

You know, we could

bring him youth group

Or take him out for

milkshakes or something.

And then if we're all

super-duper nice to him,

Maybe he'd realize

that the only person

He should be gay for is Jesus.

'Shley, you can't just

befriend these people.

They're out to steal

Our brothers, boyfriends,

our gerbils,

All as part of a secret agenda

To spread their gaybies

all over America.

Aww.

Gay babies?

No!

Like... like gay rabies.

B*tch!

'Shley will try to befriend

me and convert me,

And that'll make Fawcett

want me even more.

So, what about Caprice?

Please.

Miss Caprice cannot stand not

being the center of attention.

You all saw her mostly

plagiarized musical mash-up

Of "mean girls" last spring.

Mean girls

Mean plastic girls

I'm coming to get you

wherever you turn

I'm writing your name

in the book of burn

That actually could have

been kind of brilliant.

But it wasn't.

Caprice needs a gay visionary

To shepherd her career

towards iconic Diva-Dom.

I just hope everything

goes according to plan.

You won't forget us

when you're in a new

Social stratosphere, will you?

No promises.

Oh, my god!

Is that the new one?!

Oh, sweet, dude!

And I still carry the last

flip phone on the planet.

We are so downloading guydar.

What the hell is guydar?

Where have you been?

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