G.B.F. Page #2

It's the new app that lets

gay guys find other gay guys

Through state-of-the-art,

globally positioned technology.

She knows.

I only know about it

Because Brent here tried to

download it onto my phone.

Yeah, and hetero buzzkill

here totally cock-blocked me.

I'm not soiling my pristine phone

With some slutty gay hookup app.

Tanner, we're not

gonna do anything.

We're just gonna see if there are

any other gay guys in this town

and find out how many cubic

feet away they are from us.

It's science.

And it's about to change our lives.

Which was actually true,

but not in the way we imagined.

But it isn't fair, Ms. Hoegel.

I'm sorry, Soledad, but the

school board was clear.

Now, we can't have a

gay/straight alliance

Without an actual gay member.

Just because we're all straight

Doesn't mean that there aren't

gay kids at this school.

My future G.B.F. is just waiting

to come out of the closet

And tell me how fierce I am.

Please, Ms. "H,"

this club is all I have.

Is this about helping queer and

questioning kids or yourself?

It's all for the gays!

They need to at least

know this group exists.

What if Viola here

came out as a lesbian?

Hey!

I'm strictly dickly, yo.

Just take one for the team.

Now, Soledad!

Or the fact that Braxton has two mommies...

That has got to count

for something.

And both Mrs. Cooper-Cullins

were so helpful

In organizing last

month's Vegan bake sale.

Moms say hi, by the way.

Hi, moms.

But it's simply not

enough, I'm afraid.

Please, Ms. Hoegel, just

buy me a few more weeks.

Like, I will find a real-life gay,

Even if I have to drag

the little teen queen

Out of the closet myself.

Soledad, I don't

want you conducting

Some sort of a gay witch-hunt.

No, of course not, Ms. Hoegel.

Give it time.

One day you will meet

the gay of your dreams,

And it will be the happiest,

Most fulfilling day of your life.

Then it's all downhill from there.

Hi, there, Soledad.

Or whatever.

You're prez of the school's

currently gay-less

G.S.A., Right?

Yeah, something like that.

Couldn't help but

overhear your dilem.

I might have an idea

that could help you out.

Keep up.

The Wi-Fi password is "Lilo."

Oh, hey, guys. Where's the fire?

Oh! Hi, mom.

Um, we just got this really

tough math assignment, so...

Oh. Math.

It's gonna be, like, a

really tough nut to bust.

T-T-Y-L!

Later, Mrs. Van Camp.

Be safe!

W-with your math.

Your mom totally knows and

also thinks we're doing it.

Why don't you just tell her?

Oh, she's so smug,

dropping her little hints.

I'm not gonna give her

the satisfaction.

Maybe when she gets

the balls to ask me.

Maybe she's just

respecting your privacy.

She wants to milk this for

all the drama it's worth.

Trust.

I am her son, after all.

Do we have to listen to this

heinous pop dance crap?

Shut up.

You know you love it.

Why should I be a

victim of this love?

Why should I feel so ashamed?

Knock, knock!

What?!

What do you want?!

Everybody decent?

Yeah, mom.

No, I'm serious.

Yes, we're decent!

Oh, god. Okay, good.

Whew! Just checking.

Oh, O-M-G!

This be my jam. Whoo!

Hey, you boys have any poppers?

A popper would really hit

the spot right about now.

Mom, um, yeah, this, um, dance

party is invitation-only, so...

I simply came up to tell you boys

That I won't be back up here

for at least one hour or so.

Relax. Do your thing.

Get crazy.

Thanks.

I'm good with it.

Thank you. All right. Bye!

Yeah. Great. All right.

Now that we've banished the beast,

Let's download that app

and find us some mens.

What if we see someone

we know on there

Or someone finds my phone?

It's my ass on the line.

Tan, please,

If I don't at least get my

makeout on before college,

I'll be playing sexual

catch-up for years.

I just want to find

out if there are

Any other gay guys there

that, you know, aren't you.

You know, no offense.

Okay, fine.

But we're gonna need

a profile picture first.

Say "cheese."

Cheddar!

Let me see.

No.

Th... Hey!

Relax. You'll just be

another headless torso

In a sea of low self-esteem.

P.S... Your abs ain't

too bad, Mr. Four-pack.

Really?

Hmm.

Now let's see what the filthy gays

of north gateway think of them.

You sure this is a good idea?

Was Drake on "Degrassi"?

The answer is yes.

Bad-ass rapper Drake

Was on a wholesome Canadian

after-school soap opera.

Never forget.

We had little luck

Chatting up dudes on

Guydar that night,

But the next day,

Soledad and her swarm

Of blossoming fruit

flies were preparing

To put the app to much better use.

Okay, ladies, somewhere

in this school,

There's a sexually confused boy

With no one to turn

to and nowhere to go.

So we must hunt him down...

To help him, of course.

According to a very

knowledgeable source

On what's in style,

this guydar thing

Is all the rage with the gays,

especially the closet cases.

So, we all got our Faux-Mo

avatars ready, right?

Yep. Mine's of Robert

Pattinson's air-brushed torso.

That's what they like, right?

Totally.

And you've got Zac Efron.

Perfect.

And Persephone's

rocking Adam Lambert.

Oh, great. I think we got

all our bases covered.

Let the manhunt begin!

Oh, sh*t!

What was that?

Oh, um, nothing.

Just stating the obvious in here.

Ew. Let's go.

Sh*t.

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

Tanner! Hand it over.

You'll get it back

at the end of the day.

Sh*t.

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Sh*t!

Montag.

Dienstag.

Mittwoch.

Donnerstag.

What's up, b*tch?

Herr Brent.

Ein moment, Frau Burkhardt.

Oh, Scheisse.

Ooh, I got one!

4packboy95.

He's 400 feet away.

I got him, too!

This way!

Yeah!

Give me your phone now!

Now!

Oh, my god, Brent!

You're obsessed

with that stupid app.

You don't understand. Soledad

and her gaggle of junior hacks

Are using guydar

to track gays at the school.

Oh, my god. Slatsky took

my phone in third period.

It's still signed on.

I am not taking the fall for this!

Time for the big, dramatic

coming-out you've always wanted.

Wait. No, no, no, no!

This is not how I planned it.

P-P-Prom is months away!

It's coming from in here.

We are here to help.

Come on, guys.

What do you think you're doing?

Who do these hairless

abs belong to?

The signal's coming from

the front of the classroom...

you have two seconds to...

from right around...

Mr. Slatsky's desk?!

Mr. Slatsky?

Mr. Slatsky?

You're married to a lady,

And these are clearly not your abs.

This is false advertising.

What are you talking about?

Wait!

It's not Mr. Slatsky's.

Tanner, I don't think you should.

This is your cellphone, correct?

I-I guess it is.

You're the secret gay.

But you're not even that fabulous.

I...

guess I am...

n-not fabulous, but gay.

I'm gay, I guess.

Oh, we've got one,

our very own homosexual!

Tweet this right now.

We did it!

I'm so excited!

What are you looking at, fag-off?

What, are you...

What, are you checking out

my... balls?

You trying to check out my balls?

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