Galaxy Quest Page #14

FRED:

Right.

JASON:

I'll take my chances with Gorignak.

The pig Lizard NIPS at Jason. Jason throws a rock at it.

GWEN:

Jason, we've got to get you out of there. It's perfectly safe,

isn't it, Teb?

TEB:

It has never been successfully tested.

JASON:

What? What did he say?

GWEN:

Nothing. Hold please.

She switches off the vox, they turn to Teb.

TEB:

Theoretically the mechanism is fully operational. However, it was

built to accommodate your anatomy, not ours. Our actual hands are

six fingered and jointed ninety degrees to yours. But now that

Sergeant Chen is here he can operate it... It was designed

watching his motions from the historical records.

Everyone turns to Fred. For the first time, he looks a little

apprehensive. He laughs nervously.

FRED:

Well I mean I can't... I can supervise of course, but...

ALEXANDER (TO VOX)

Jason, we're going to test it.

JASON:

Okay... On what?

TOMMY:

How about the pig-lizard?

JASON:

Hey I was doing okay with the pig lizard.

Alexander and the others move aside to let Fred at the control

panel. The controls are complicated, and fit Fred's hand like

metal gloves. Teb GASPS as he grasps the controls.

TEB:

I'm sorry. It is very exciting to see the master at the controls.

The operation of the conveyer is more art than science.

Fred moves his hands and the creature is TARGETED in crosshairs

of the instrument panel. He slowly twists his wrist as he

manipulates a ever cautiously and....

81ON THE PLANET'S SURFACE81

The pig lizard digitizes and disappears.

82CONVEYOR ROOM82

Everyone LOOKS very impressed. Fred starts to smile, "no sweat"

as the creature rematerializes on the platform. But something is

very wrong. We hear the thing's HORRIBLE SQUELS over the

disgusted reactions of the crew.

JASON:

What? What?

ALEXANDER:

(singsong)

Nothing.

JASON:

I heard something. A squeal.

GWEN:

Oh no. Everything's fine.

TEB:

But... the animal is inside out.

JASON:

I heard that! It's INSIDE OUT!

Then the monstrous remains of the creature EXPLODES.

TEB:

And It exploded!

JASON:

What? Did I just hear that It came back INSIDE CUT, and 'then It

EXPLODED? Hello?

GWEN:

Hold please.

83PLANET SURFACE83

Jason looks up to the rock ledge. The unseen DEMONS continue to

chant "GORIGNAK... GORIGNAK...

JASON:

Wait, the pig lizard is gone. Why are they still chanting for the

pig lizard?

GWEN:

Turn on the translation circuit.

Teb flicks a switch and we hear the Demons in English.

DEMONS:

ROCK... ROCK... ROCK...

Suddenly Gwen and the others notice that the entire ROCK FACE

behind Jason moves slightly, like a granite MUSCULATURE... Jason,

facing forward, doesn't see it.

GWEN:

Jason?... I don't think the pig lizard was Gorignak...

JASON:

What the hell are you talking about?

Behind Jason, the boulders in the wall begin moving forward,

EMERGING from the rock face, and a GIANT emerges... A MONSTER

made of granite... Jason turns slowly, with a feeling of dread,

as he hears the rumbling SOUND of the monster's body freeing

itself from the rock face around It

JASON:

Oh darn.

He takes a step back, holding his puny wooden spear. The ROCK

MONSTER steps forward, 20 feet tall. Its face mostly featureless

yet ominous and determined and upset, and it heads straight for

JASON.

JASON:

Guys, digitize me...

Jason backs away slowly, around the corner, but the monster

follows CRUNCH CRUNCH forward...

JASON:

Guys...?!!

84INT. SHIP - DIGITAL CONVEYER ROOM84

Fred looks genuinely distressed.

GWEN:

C' non Fred... They based it on YOUR hand movements.

Fred backs away, terror on his face... He starts talking to

himself nervously...

FRED:

All my professional life they'd say "can you ride a horse" Fred?

And I'd say "Of course, since I was a boy!" "Can you fence

Fred?" "Funny you should ask, I've won six international

competitions." I learned never to say I can't do this. You

don't get the part if you say I can't do this. But this is life

or death! May God forgive me Jason but I can't do this.

85 ON THE PLANET

Jason is in a FULL OUT RUN being chased by the ROCK MONSTER which

STOMPS forward, DEMOLISHING everything in its path.

ALEXANDER:

Fred's no good, Jason. You're going to have to kill it

JASON:

KILL IT? Well I'm open to ideas!...

TOMMY:

Go for the eyes. Like in episode 22 with-

JASON:

It doesn't have eyes.

TOMMY:

The throat, the mouth... Its vulnerable spots.

JASON:

It's a ROCK. It doesn't HAVE vulnerable spots!

GUY:

I know... You contruct a weapon. Look around, can you form some

sort of rudimentary lathe?...

JASON:

A LATHE??? Get off the line, Guy.'

The monster's shadow falls over Jason..

JASON:

ALEXANDER??? PLEASE? You're my advisor, advise me!

ALEXANDER:

... . Well you have to figure out what it wants... What's its

motivation?

JASON:

It's a DAMN ROCK MONSTER!!! It doesn't HAVE motivation!

ALEXANDER:

That's your problem. You were never serious about the caraft...

(closing his eyes)

"I'm a rock... I just want to be a rock... Still. Peaceful..

Tranquil.." ..."Oh, but what's this? Something's making noise...

No, not noise, no... MOVEMENT. VIBRATIONS. Make the vibrations

stop, they go straight into me like a knife!... I must CRUSH the

thing that makes the vibrations..."

JASON:

Am I crazy, or do you actually have something there?

Jason reaches down and grabs a handful of small rocks. But at

that moment the rock monster reaches down and GRABS him in his

fist. Jason is carried into the air and dangled above the beast's

mouth. Jason keeps his composure enough to toss one of the rocks

at a natural rocky OVERRANG along one wall. The thrown rocks

dislodge a few more rocks in the wall which TUMBLE to the ground,

making NOISE. The rock monster TURNS toward the sound. The

monster drops Jason. Jason lands, throws another rock. The

monster CHARGES toward the wall, causing an AVALANCHE, burying

the monster. All is still.

86IN THE SHIP 86

The actors CHEER, but their relief is short lived as...

87ON THE PLANET - 87

The rubble RE-FORMS and the monster EMERGES, even LARGER than

before! It begins to make a beeline for a perplexed Jason.

JASON:

But I'm not moving, I... Oh no. My heartbeat.

IN THE ROCK MONSTER'S POV we head toward Jason and hear Jason's

heartbeat magnified like a drum, THA-THUMP THA-THUMP.

JASON:

Fred? Fred, can you hear me? You've got to do this... It's up

to you.

88ON THE SHIP -.88

Fred moves to the panel, mortified.

FRED:

No, I'll kill you. .

JASON:

Listen Fred. You did this for four years on the show. You can do

it now... Put your hands on the controls..

Fred puts his trembling hands on the controls... Sweat pours down

his temple.

FRED:

I don't know... I don't know.

The monster picks up speed. STOMP STOMP STOMP.

JASON:

Fred, I worked summer stock with Hopkins. Regional theater with

Hoffman. But I swear to God I have never met an actor who could

hit his mark, or nail his lines with the professional consistency

of a Freddy Kwan. You're Mr. Dependable... You can do this.

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