Gallipoli Page #3

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- Perth.

I nearly went there once.

Thought I ought to see one big city

before I die.

- You looking for work?

- No, I'm off to the war.

What war?

The war against Germany.

I knew a German once.

- How did it start?

- Don't start him.

Don't know exactly,

but it was the Germans' fault.

- The Australians fighting already?

- Yeah, in Turkey.

Turkey?

- Why is that?

- Ask him.

'Cause Turkey's a German ally.

Well, you learn something every day.

Still, can't see

what it's got to do with us.

We don't stop them there,

they're gonna end up here.

And they're welcome to it.

We made it, you bastard!

- Good day.

- Good day.

Don't wear out

the leather on them boots, will you?

The truth is there was no choice.

Mary.

I think you're very brave

to set off without a compass.

No, not really.

All you need is your watch and the sun

and you can find your way anywhere.

Why are you boys going to Perth?

- I'm going to join the Light Horse.

- Good.

You, too, Frank?

No, business interests to attend to.

While the Germans are crucifying

kittens on church doors in Belgium.

Yes, yes, Gran.

I do love the Light Horse uniforms.

Most of the boys around here

joined the Light Horse.

If I'd had a son,

that's what he would've joined, too.

Let's drink a toast

to our brave young friend.

- The Light Horse.

- The Light Horse.

The Light Horse.

The Light Horse.

What did you mean

about business interests?

Business interests, you know, finance.

- You told me you were broke.

- Well, I am, thanks to you.

What would you have done

with the money if you'd won?

I was gonna start a bike shop.

They only take toffs and farmers' sons

in the Light Horse?

You thinking of joining?

Well, there's no way

you'd get me near the Infantry.

The Light Horse.

Now that's got a bit of class.

We could join together.

- Well, there's only one problem, mate.

- What?

You know I told you I could ride.

Come here.

Foot in the stirrup,

knee in his shoulder, up.

- Come on.

- Knee in his shoulder.

No, no. Foot in the stirrup first.

- Swing up.

- Swing up.

- Get on the bloody thing.

- It won't stand still.

Get on him, Frank.

What name?

What do you mean?

What do you want to call yourself?

Can't use your own name.

Lasalles.

Archibald Lasalles.

By the time I'm finished with you,

you'll look the other side of 40.

Where Mother Nature fails,

Frank Dunne succeeds.

- Oh, no.

- Hang on.

No, Frank.

- Yeah, it looks good.

- Oh, no, look...

Hang on.

- A little glue, more hair here.

- Oh, no.

- I've done it before, pal.

- Bugger off, Frank.

- Have another drink.

- Whiskey doesn't make you look old.

Doesn't it just? Have you seen my dad?

I know he looks like a wreck,

but he's really only 35.

Jesus.

How does he look, Dad?

Fine.

But what the hell

do you want to join up for?

The English murdered

your own grandfather.

Hung him with his own belt

at the crossroads...

- five miles from...

- Five miles from Dublin.

Look, Dad, I am not going to fight

for the British Empire.

I'm gonna keep my head down.

Learn a trick or two...

and come back an officer.

Maybe.

I don't want to be pushed around

for the rest of my bloody life.

- Right.

- Right.

Lasalles.

Lasalles?

Lasalles.

Any relation to Harry Lasalles,

the famous runner?

No, sir.

- All right, Lasalles, up to the dock.

- Thank you, sir.

- Dunne.

- Sir.

Any previous military experience,

Dunne?

Yes, sir. Five years

in the Melbourne Horse Cadets.

- Never heard of them.

- Well, no, sir...

they never received as much recognition

as they deserved.

Thank you, sir.

Forward, hut!

Move it along.

Present arms!

Okay, Lasalles, you're in.

Report to that group over there.

Dunne, mount up.

Foot in the stirrup,

knee in his shoulder and relax.

Thanks, mate.

Stirrup, knee in the shoulder...

Thank you.

Good day there, pal.

I'm your Uncle Frank.

Tough but fair,

so no bloody nonsense, eh?

Hurry up, Dunne, or the war will be over.

Kick him.

You're in a caravan here...

Kick him.

Give him a rocking horse.

All right, Dunne. Thank you very much.

All right, pick up your bags, fellas.

Right turn! Quick march.

Quiet.

All you blokes

from the 10th Reinforcements...

you know you're not supposed to be

in here. Out now!

That means you, too, Lasalles.

Chef, sir. Champagne on the house!

- See you when I see you.

- Yeah.

Not if I see you first.

Everybody ducks, I'll be down with you.

See you later, mate.

- Later.

- See you, pal.

I wish I was going with you.

Look after yourself.

Hey, Harold, down here!

Four pairs of socks, plenty of singlets

and Eno's for your stomach.

And this to drink on our anniversary.

Please come home.

I'll remember you,

wherever you may be

Keep your eyes on victory

And keep your thoughts on duty

And our cross to bear

Should old acquaintance be forgot?

No! No! No, no, no!

Australia will be there

Australia will be there

I'm making you a damn good price

for those sheep down here.

You're practically not from here.

Come on, Tim, you're not stupid.

Three years ago.

That's three years ago.

We're in the middle of a drought.

That's my whole point, you stupid galah.

Everyone here...

- Hello.

- Hey, Black.

- What are you blokes doing here?

- It's our last night.

If you're not going to fight,

you can at least buy us a beer.

Make it four, Perce!

I've got my horse outside, mate.

Next.

- Arms up.

- Hat off.

- Sorry.

- Up straight.

Come on, another quarter of an inch.

Come on.

Teeth aren't all that good.

You're supposed to shoot the enemy,

mate, not bite him.

We don't take anyone with bad teeth.

If you don't pass him,

you've lost all four of us.

You're done.

Next.

Open.

Attention!

Something's gotta be done

about that lofty bastard.

Crikey, they're big.

- Yeah, so's that bloody Victorian.

- Hello, Australia. Hello, welcome.

- Antiques...

- I reckon it took 100,000 blokes...

20 years to build that.

Must've been a lot of blokes around

with crooked backs.

It's not just a monument, you know.

You know what it is?

- It's a bloody great pile of rocks.

- The Pharaoh, mate.

The Pharaoh, his wife, and everything

they had were buried in there.

That's man's first attempt to beat death.

Thanks, Professor. Look, can you

get your mind back on the game?

Let's think about the West Australians'

first attempt to beat the bloody Vics.

Is there any water?

Now something's gotta be done about

that long, thin streak of pelican sh*t.

- You're the only one, Bill.

- Yeah, get them.

Sort the bastards right out.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

All right, men.

You are shortly to be let loose

on the local inhabitants...

who, you will be surprised to find,

don't look at all like you.

A fact of which they are, no doubt,

eternally grateful.

First up, beware of the local eggs...

which can be distinguished

only by their antiquity...

the local liquor, which is poisonous...

and for those of you

who are contemplating...

some horizontal refreshment...

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