Gambit
- PG-13
- Year:
- 2012
- 89 min
- $689,042
- 1,257 Views
This is the story of my brave,
foolish friend, Harry Deane.
Mr Deane's work
as an art curator in London
had gone, he felt,
largely unappreciated.
He told me of countless insults
suffered at the hands of his employer,
Lionel Shabandar,
media tycoon, art collector
and an absolute brute of a fellow.
Do not touch my person. You!
- Yes, my lord?
- Idiot! Give me your boot.
40 years ago,
I'd have called this Shabandar a cad.
Now the prevailing parlance
for a fellow of this type
is, I believe, shitbag.
Hello.
This bloody thing is not operational.
Ah, well, that's because,
I believe, my lord...
Because you believe what,
you steaming turd?
Now he would have his revenge,
for Mr Deane had a plan.
To be grandiose, a heist.
To be accurate, a bit of a thieving.
This is where I came in.
I am, you see,
a rather capable forger of fine art.
might prove of use to him.
The plan relied on securing the aid
of one PJ Puznowski.
"Find this Puznowski," Mr Deane told me,
and it would all fall nicely into place.
Excuse me.
We were given to understand
that there was an equestrian tourney
in the area.
Well, we got a law attorney,
don't know his religion,
up downtown Alpine.
He's a fairy.
Moved here from Albuquerque,
it'll be five, no,
six years ago, come May.
Not that I judge.
How terribly interesting, but is there
a tournament of some description
Rough-riding,
bronc-busting sort of thing.
It's a competition.
A test of skill involving farm animals.
Yippee-ai-yay.
Alright, Pecos!
This is the West of the Pecos Rodeo,
featuring America's number-one team,
Team Ghostrider with Tim Lepard
and his cowboy monkeys.
Go on, Suzie! Go get 'em!
And it's brought to you by Charlie
Goodnight and all those good people
down at Charlie Goodnight's
Implements 'n' Feed.
Let's put some hands together
for the monkeys!
And first out of the chute
is PJ Puznowski from down Terlingua way.
There.
Gonna try to put a rope around Rodney
from the Lazy L Sickle Y Bar Ranch.
And, folks,
Rodney ain't gonna be heppin' any.
That's 11.7 for PJ Puznowski!
- That's her.
- Alright, Jammies!
# If you wanna go
# Let's go rodeo
# If you wanna rock
What makes you so certain
she'll be game?
Good God, she works in a poultry
processing plant for minimum wage.
- You think she'll turn this down?
- How much are you going to tell her?
Just as much as she needs to know.
That's nice.
This is Major Nigel Nelson-Wingate,
King's African Rifles, retired.
- Sunday painter.
- Madam.
how would you like to make
half a million pounds sterling?
I have a little plan.
Straight?
- Have a good day, sir.
- Shut up.
- Sorry, sir.
- Bloody hell, man, be careful!
Shabandar Media.
I wonder if you might approve this last
photo layout for the Horse and Hunt.
Is there a problem, sir?
Slazenger, give me a loupe.
Haystacks, Dusk.
Get me Harry Deane.
Old man just called me up.
Yes, he's expecting you.
- No, no, no.
- Oh, I am sorry, sir.
What? Come in.
Have them proof it quick as possible.
We'll try and get it into next month's.
Deane, sit down.
Have a look at these.
I've sent the plane
to collect this woman.
Arrives at Heathrow in about an hour.
You'll pick her up.
Interesting. Oh, I see, the painting.
- A reproduction, though, in my opinion.
On the fact that it's hanging
on the wall of a caravan, sir, in Texas.
Yes, precisely.
But whose caravan, you plank?
- The cowgirl, sir.
- Puznowski, Deane.
PJ Puznowski. Think, man.
You stupid bastard, what!
Welcome to London.
Before we throw you
into the thick of it,
I should give you a bit
of the history.
Monet's Haystacks.
On September 15th, 1891, during
the course of one very productive day,
the master Impressionist
finished two oil paintings:
"Haystacks, Dawn",
"Haystacks, Dusk".
"Haystacks, Dawn" was traded
amongst various private collectors
over the years.
"Haystacks, Dusk" was put on display
in Paris at the Jeu de Paume.
That is,
until the Nazi occupation of 1941.
"Haystacks, Dusk"
was carted off to Carinhall,
the private residence
for the delectation of his eyes only.
In 1945, Carinhall is overrun
by the first division of Patton's army,
the Big Red One.
by Sergeant Brian "Bulldog" Puznowski,
the Killer of Kilgore, Texas.
Your grandfather.
For the next 67 years,
the whereabouts of Haystacks, Dusk
has proved one of the art world's
most tantalising mysteries.
And what is all this to Shabandar?
A man of outsized appetites
and enormous enthusiasms,
and no few eccentricities;
an avid nudist, a case in point.
Owing to his considerable fortune
and my not inconsiderable knowledge,
he has assembled
the most important collection
of Impressionist masterpieces
in private hands.
The prize? Haystacks, Dawn.
Acquired at auction 20 years ago
in spirited bidding.
The bid is with the gentleman
on the aisle. The bid is 8 million.
- Good heavens.
- I have eight and a quarter.
The bid is with the gentleman
on my left.
The bid is against you, sir. The bid
is eight and a quarter million pounds.
Shabandar rolled
all his competitive impulses into a ball
Akira Takagawa.
He purchased the painting
for 11 million.
His ownership of the one has merely
whet his appetite for the other.
For years now, Shabandar
has been seeking Haystacks, Dusk
with a passion
bordering on monomania.
When he saw that photograph,
Shabandar conducted his own
investigation into your family history.
Best to let the fish
work the hook in himself, eh, Major?
Much the best, Mr Deane.
He will want to negotiate
the price with you.
You must stick at 12 million.
Pounds.
He'll pay it,
no matter how much he protests.
Be firm. Be polite, but firm.
He will try to charm you.
He will try to impress you.
- Ms Puznowski!
- He will try to...
An honour! Welcome, welcome.
Painting in the gallery, men.
I knew a Koznowski once,
charming man, no relation I suppose.
Baron Koznowski. Quite the equestrian.
Man had horse blood in his veins.
This way, please.
Right, let's take a look, shall we?
Mere formality, of course.
Oh, yes.
So...
What do you think, Deane?
- Yes, I'll need a few moments, sir.
- Oh, yes. Quite.
You may not realise it,
Ms Puznowski,
like I know...
Actually, I don't know anything
quite like that.
The artist has used a light ground
true to Monet's habit.
The palette is very limited,
no blacks or browns.
Cerulean blue and cadmium yellow
And unlike the heartbreaking fraud
perpetrated on the Austrians,
the signature is correct.
It is Monet and it is very fine indeed.
And that, Mr Deane,
is good enough for me.
Shall we discuss terms?
System armed.
System armed.
Hello, kitty.
Your wages.
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