Game Night Page #4

---

- Mmm.

I see how you would

think, but it's not.

Well, then why

are you breathing

like you just got off

the elliptical?

I'm not. I'm...

Come on, babe.

Whose turn is it?

Uh, it's Max.

Max, it's your turn. Huh?

I'm not playing a drinking

game. Who was it?

What's the deal with that?

They've been

together since middle school.

Uh, it's somebody

else's turn.

- Oh. Oh!

- Yeah!

How could you possibly have

had sex with a celebrity

when we've only had sex

with each other?

Please, can you not make this

one of your things right now?

How is this one of my things?

Yeah, Brooks, this is why

we don't play drinking games.

It looks like

the game is afoot.

Oh!

Thank you, God!

Oh, boy.

Let's buckle up, huh?

- Brooks Davis?

- Yes.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Ooh!

This is good.

Agent Henderson.

FBI.

Sunglasses at night.

It's legit.

Sit down, please.

I'll get right to the point.

The Bureau has been tracking

a ring

of violent kidnappers

in this very neighborhood.

And we have reason to believe

that one of you

may be their next victim.

That's terrible news.

Contained within

these dossiers

are the clues you will require

to find the kidnappers.

You'd like for us

to do that, yeah?

The Bureau's... What's

the Bureau's role in this?

Maybe you guys could take

my wife in for questioning

because, apparently,

she got a secret life

- I don't know nothing about.

- Baby, this is...

Shut up, all of you!

Wow.

It's not a joke.

You people are in real danger,

and you're

running out of time.

And I, Agent Henderson,

will not stand idly by

while innocent civilians

are slaughtered on my watch.

I told you

this is gonna be great.

- It's so good!

- So good.

But before we get started,

I'm required to ask if any of

you have any food allergies.

Peanuts?

Who the hell are you?

Oh!

Now, wait a second. I know

you're method and all,

but you can't just come in here

and break the door.

I do not mind this game.

Are you crazy?

It's very well done.

No!

That is a strong table.

Oh, watch out!

He's packing heat!

Hell no!

Oh! Oh!

Come on!

You're just making

this harder on yourself!

Oh, sh*t!

Guys, make sure you get a piece

of this cheese. It's just...

Cut me one.

Try it with the quince.

Oh, my God!

Now he's back.

Stop fighting, a**hole!

Help me! This isn't...

The Independent Spirit Award

goes to...

Let's go!

Bye-bye!

First one that follows us

gets shot!

Okay, roger that.

You drive safe.

Come on, motherf***er!

- Bye.

- That was amazing.

Really good.

- That was really good.

- Wow.

Mmm. No, there's something

about this

that just doesn't feel right.

How could you cheat on me

with a celebrity?

I didn't cheat on you.

It was before we got married

when we took that break.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I've been living

in the matrix.

Agent Henderson, you just

gonna keep lying there?

Is any of this real?

Well, don't kick him!

Stop.

He's a regular

Daniel Day-Lewis.

I thought

we both agreed

that we wouldn't hook up with

anybody else during that break.

Yeah, but then you went and got

a hand job from Karen Waller.

- No, don't do that.

- Boop! Boop! Boop!

Because it was over

the pants, all right?

It was, and it hurt.

It was very dry,

and I didn't climax.

Just admit it,

you guys did more than that.

Don't turn this around on me.

Do not do that.

Don't you Johnnie Cochran me!

Damn it,

they got the jump on us.

- Come on. Come on now!

- Sh*t, Kev!

All right. Here's the first

clue. Looks like a riddle.

"With shiny fangs..."

"...my bloodless bite..."

"...will bring together what's

mostly white."

Donald Trump.

"Bloodless bite."

It's not a vampire. Um...

I'll just google it.

It's so inconsistent,

isn't it?

I mean, they stage this

super realistic fight.

They give us an FBI dossier

but with riddles.

It's like, let's pick a tone.

Let's stick with it.

But that's the game.

You wanna win this car or not?

Yeah, yeah.

More than anything,

but I feel like Brooks

is setting me up.

Do you get that feeling,

you know?

That this is some game

where somehow

he's gonna humiliate me?

Mmm-hmm.

Well, let's not play

by his rules.

"My bloodless bite,

my bloodless, bloodless bite.

"Bloodless bite, bloodless

bite, bloodless bite."

Can you stop chanting

"bloodless bite"?

- Trying to think.

- Yeah.

Oh, sh*t!

Max and Annie must have

figured it out.

Right. We need to find

an advantage.

Advantage, advantage,

advantage...

Brooks' wallet?

Oh, you think we should steal

all of his sh*t!

No.

Wait.

Hi, yeah.

I lost my credit card.

I was wondering if you could tell me

what the last few charges I made were.

What are you doing?

If we can find out the name of the

murder mystery place he used,

we can go to their office and pay

them off to give us the final clue.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

You're, like, a double threat.

Brains, and you're British.

Thanks.

Okay. What has shiny fangs

that bites

white things together?

A stapler!

And the white things

are paper.

Yes! You are so smart

and unfaithful!

- Oh, there it is.

- Yes!

Look at that.

- Flash drive.

- Put it in the desktop.

Okay.

Another riddle.

"I'm brown and old by day,

white and young by night.

"My eyes are glass.

"I have nine faces

but no head.

"I sing to the sky

but have no voice.

"I'm everywhere and nowhere."

What the f*** is that?

I mean, how cool

are we? Right?

Very, very cool.

We are very cool.

You're the cool one.

You know, tracking the phone

is just a great idea.

Still on Route 18, huh?

We're catching up to him.

Here we come, Brooksie.

Can you imagine

the look on his face

when we find him so fast?

You know, baby,

I can feel my sperm

already coming back to life.

- Perfect.

- Yeah.

So we'll win

your brother's car,

and then we'll go make

a baby in it.

Yeah! We'll make him watch us.

- Yeah.

- Huh?

- I don't wanna do that.

- No, me neither.

Sorry, don't know

why I said that.

- I'm not into that.

- Not a great idea.

Okay.

Okay, great. Thank you.

All right, I got the name

and the address

of the games company.

- Let's go.

- Yes!

All we have to do now,

figure out what

"bloodless bite" means.

No, we don't. That's why...

- Oh, yeah, no. Yeah, no.

- Doesn't matter. Let's go.

How you gonna

be old and young?

- That doesn't make sense.

- I know.

Guys, hey, how's it goin'?

I just wanted to wish you

the best of luck tonight. Bye.

- No.

- Mmm-mmm.

What are...

What are you doing?

Just being a dick.

Oh, come on.

- Don't kick him, Ryan!

- He's such a good actor!

Ryan!

God damn it!

Baby, hand me those matches.

I'm about to burn

this door down.

You're gonna light a fire

in a windowless room

that we're trapped in?

You slept with Bill Nye

the Science Guy.

He talked to you about flames?

What about that?

Where could he be?

His phone stopped

right here, huh?

Rate this script:3.7 / 3 votes