Game Over, Man! Page #4

---

They climbed into the elevator shaft.

They could be anywhere.

Keep your eyes open.

Gotta just get the thing--

-You said you found a latch.

-No, I said I think I found a latch.

Shut up, Baby Dunc.

Whoa.

No one's there.

Follow me.

Wait, I think we should turn ourselves in.

What? No. Go!

Not turning ourselves in.

That's p*ssy sh*t.

They might appreciate the gesture.

Yeah, and they might cut our d*cks off.

We gotta get out and go for help.

We're not gonna go for help.

Slide down this rail.

-It'll be badass.

-What?

Yeah.

Oh! Oh, sh*t.

- I need help.

- That was not badass. Come on!

All exits confirmed as locked.

No sign of the waiters.

They locked the doors

and we don't have our phones!

-We're screwed!

-No sh*t, Baby Dunc.

We gotta get a landline.

Clear.

-I got two.

-Quick, take 'em up with the rest.

- ndale, b*tch.

Let's move.

Tie them together.

One collar per group.

Now, listen up... if you want to live.

These collars are linked to sensors

that we have placed

at every entrance of this building.

Anyone who attempts to enter or exit,

they detonate.

It's f***ed up, right?

- You missed me.

- Collect their cell phones

if they still have them.

And if they try anything funny, well...

...refrain from killing anyone

unless I tell you.

We're not here to murder.

We're here to collect a toll

from Bey Awadi

for trespassing on American soil.

You ain't touching my stacks, bro.

Really?

"In case of threat of violence

or act of terror,

please do not challenge

or defy assailants.

Comply with their demands at all times."

Did you read that in the manual

or something?

No.

Well, yes, but... who cares?

It gives me everything I need

to keep the hotel in order,

-no matter what.

-This lady just sh*t her pants.

Is that in the manual too?

I... I did... I did not sh*t my pants.

I just want to make that clear.

Are you calling me a liar?

No, I'm saying you're very smart

and you're picking up on something.

Maybe someone...

someone did sh*t their pants.

And I'm not gonna say who.

-But someone.

-Get her out of here.

- Yeah, get her out of here. Damn it.

- Get you out of here.

Oh, it's dripping.

And now it hit my anklet.

And my toe ring.

We are locked down, boss.

And I'm very close

to accessing the offshore accounts.

I know, I know.

"Close only counts

in horseshoes and hand grenades."

I wasn't gonna say that.

The phones are dead.

No Internet either. No Wi-Fi, no DSL.

Jesus, this guy has so many tabs open.

It's stressing me the f*** out.

Guys, they cut the lines.

It's what they do.

It's... what I'd do.

Hey, stop talking cool. Okay?

Clear.

Oh, my God. There's two guys

out there with guns.

-They're coming this way.

-That's it. I'm done.

Wait, what are you...

What's with the pockets?

- I'm showing them I'm unarmed.

- Shut up.

We can think of something.

We can take 'em.

Darren, just think of something.

I can't. I got nothing, man.

- I...

- Fine.

- What are you...

- I got an idea.

I haven't done this in a long time.

F***, f***, f***, f***.

Whoa!

What the f***?

Look at this freaky f***.

Hey, Rich, come in here.

You gotta see this.

Jesus.

Rest in peace, you horny bastard.

What's your problem?

I just don't like the way

this job is going.

-Everything's falling apart.

-Ah. Hey, hey, hey.

By this time tomorrow,

we'll be sitting poolside

sipping Coronas in Cabo, right?

I just don't wanna see you getting hurt.

You're sweet.

I love you.

I love you too.

-Yeah.

-Real quick.

Okay, yeah.

Ew, right?

- Stop!

- Sorry. Hey.

Hmm?

You go around,

grab the corner of the sheet...

Psst!

Hit 'em with the lamp!

Wha...

Oh, I am so sorry. I am so sorry.

Are you all right?

Rich? Rich?

- Ow.

- Uh...

Oh! Freeze! Sh*t.

You just killed the man of my dreams.

- Now you're gonna die.

- No, no.

He's just knocked out. Like the movie

Friday. "He got knocked the f*** out!"

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I killed him.

I'll be your boyfriend.

I didn't do it.

Baby Dunc, are you okay?

I think you killed him.

Sorry I didn't help,

but I got punched in the chest

really hard one time.

We killed the bad guys. My plan worked!

What-- hey, stop it!

Your plan didn't work.

You got them horny

and got me 300 kicked in the chest.

-Are you all right?

-I'm fine!

We got these b*tches

right where we want them.

-Now we gotta just go through their sh*t.

-Alexxx, no! No!

Leave their stuff alone.

You're gonna make them madder.

Baby Dunc, what are you talking about?

This is video games 101.

-You kill bad guys, you take their sh*t.

-It's true.

Like you never played video games.

-Go close the f***ing door.

-Okay, yeah.

We got zip ties.

We got a f***ing gun.

We got a big-ass knife.

By the way, I get next kill.

You guys are being total kill hogs--

-What did you do?

-Okay, and that is where the trigger is.

- Oh, my God.

- Now we know that.

I'm gonna go put on pants, so...

Oh, yeah, no. Good call, good call,

you're gonna wanna be fully clothed

when you f***ing blow your head off, man!

Why are you getting dressed in the closet?

We've already seen

your dick, balls, and butthole.

-You guys saw my butthole?

-A lot.

- I haven't shaved in months.

- Okay, this is it.

I'm stressing out. Alexxx, get back here

and sell me salvia right now, man!

Yeah, Darren,

I'm not gonna sell you salvia right now

'cause we're kind of under attack

from terrorists.

Every time you open that, I see your dick.

We need to get outta here.

We need to get away from bad people.

We need to get help from good people.

If you wanna bail on the Bey

and the Skintendo Joysuit to go get help,

fine, we can do that.

But we gotta do it in a badass fashion,

or we're gonna look

like total f***ing pussies.

We are pussies!

-We don't have to look like it, Baby Dunc!

-Don't call me that.

Darren, think of something dope

and badass to get us out.

-What?

-Baby Dunc, implement the thing

that Darren's about to think of. Go.

I'm not coming up with the plan, okay?

-Sh*t! I thought of something.

-What?

Is it something I can build?

-Yeah.

-F***.

Why do I have to be

so goddamn industrious?

Hey, guys?

If you guys thought my dick was small,

it's 'cause the AC

was really blasting earlier.

So that's the reason.

- It's super hot, right?

- It's very hot.

Alexxx, I...

you've got nothing to be ashamed of.

If you-- don't pull too much on this one,

'cause then this one gets pulled.

What the f***, man?

Eagle Eye has been watching you,

Bey Awadi.

The-- the U.S. militia faction?

What do they want with him?

Sometimes the government's

politically correct hands

get tied in knots, forcing people

to protect their lands

from unwanted invasions.

"Invasions."

I'm not a f***in' invader, bro.

I love America. I went to Florida State.

Peep the bill, bro.

I'm here to have fun, f***,

drink, pop Molly.

What's more American than that, bro?

Money.

Five hundred million dollars

transferred into an offshore account.

Rate this script:4.7 / 3 votes