Gangsterdam Page #2

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I told you it'd take off.

"Dad, it'll never work.

It's ridiculous."

Ridiculous? A success!

Give your dad a kiss.

- Where's your brother?

- He's on his way.

Tell him to move it and shower!

Can't you tell him?

I'm mad at him.

He called hookers on my phone again.

What's Felina talk about

that's worth 450 bucks?

I'm gonna call Felina.

I'll tell her,

"Watch out, Madam Felina!

"Jonas is underage.

This is very serious!

"You need to stop this right now,

Madam Felina."

- Right.

- What's she talk about?

Stop snorting salt, and tell your brother

your grade in Chemistry.

4!

4/20, and he's happy.

His dad's the teacher,

and he blows his chance.

You get 4, I get 4.

That's my name there.

Whatever! I'm going to bed.

Do that, and I'll pack you off

to boarding school.

You can't afford it.

I'll get a payday loan!

Say something!

You're his dad, dad.

It's yourjob.

Luckily, I've got you.

Ok? Not stressed out about Monday?

It's all under control.

If you'd listened to me and done Science,

we wouldn't be here now.

You're like me, not a people person.

Orals aren't your thing.

Science is solid.

Formulas and figures never betray you.

Sure, the girls are ugly,

but they're not picky.

I've thought it over.

After you flunk,

we cram all summer...

Pls don't come tomorrow.

It's not for you.

Advanced Math.

You'll get every degree there is.

N0 orals, no stupid attorney's robes

that cost a fortune.

Listen, Ruben...

What matters in life

isn't what you can do,

it's what you don't know

you can do.

You're going to Amsterdam with Nora?

Yes, dude.

Turns out I'm not a loser.

- You bribed her?

- No.

You were wrong. Get over it.

So what do I do this weekend?

Whatever you want. Study.

A/I alone?

Or with whoever you want.

Know what? Nora's gonna sell you

to a sheik as a sex slave.

Instead of taking an oral,

you'll be giving oral.

You racist pain in the butt!

The truth isn't racist.

So you'll cover for me?

23 years old and lying to daddy?

He's stressed out about the exams.

I can't dump this on him, too.

I'll cover for you.

Thanks, that's cool.

You never listen, do you?

Look, Mishka wants me here to help.

I don't need your help, dammit!

My interview with your boss

went really well.

He made me an offer

I can't refuse.

I decided this adventure is on.

- You don't get it.

- It's nothing personal.

This is serious sh*t here.

I know this is serious sh*t.

Look, my mind's made up.

Take it up with your boss.

- He's not my boss.

- Your colleague.

Ruben, I'm warning you...

We're not playing games.

You're in over your head.

It's dangerous.

I don't want anything to happen to you.

So I'm asking you...

Listen to me. Look at me.

And shut the f*** up!

You got a problem?

Are you listening'?

Isn't he your buddy?

Durex, what are you doing?

- Going to Amsterdam.

- Not gonna happen.

No way!

A problem?

- No.

- No problem.

Durex. The pleasure's mine.

I'm the best friend.

This is not gonna happen.

I just told him!

My ticket!

My car, my seat. Deal with it.

- He doesn't know, right?

- Are you nuts? Never!

Trust me. I've known him forever.

I'll handle him.

That's you handling him?

Everybody heard you,

the whole train shook. Not cool.

With me, it comes with a bang.

It's my signature.

You stupid jerk!

Around kids, families,

you don't pull that sh*t!

No farting in enclosed spaces!

Forget it, he's a pig.

- You never fart, I suppose?

- Sure, I fart.

Too much information.

- I crack stinkers.

- No!

But they stink in silence.

Of course!

The famous silent fart of the female.

IflaggediL

and you snuck closer.

You wanted to spoon my fart.

Admit it, I fascinate you.

So this is Amsterdam?

City of a**holes, by the looks of it.

Best place to start

is the Rijksmuseum.

For you, Ruben,

the Anne Frank house.

And the flower market

to round it off nicely.

Know what?

Do your sh*t, we'll do ours.

We have a guide.

We do?

Yes! His name's Ulysse,

and he's gonna show us the sights.

So what's your guide

lined up for you?

He's one of those guides

that knows where it's at.

History, art, local knowledge, food,

he's got it all.

The Dutch Anthony Bourdain.

Exactly.

Thanks, Durex, and goodbye.

Ik rook niet.

Two lk rook niets.

Where you going?

Ik rook niet

means I don't smoke.

You ordered two nothings.

And tell him to join us.

This is ridiculous.

Come on.

You the 3rd wheel?

Cockblocking me?

Bigging you up.

You're an embarrassment.

What? I'm getting a mood going.

The loser-desperate-to-f*** mood!

The female's gotta come to the male.

I know that.

She blows me off, so what do I do?

I'll tell some stories

to show how fly we are,

the two of us.

She'll want in on our vibe.

Simple as that.

Yeah, not bad.

What kind of stories?

It's better you don't know.

Ruins the spontaneity.

Not bad. Spontaneity, like it!

You smoked before?

Sure, all the time.

At college, we smoke so much

they call us the Stoner Twins.

When we rock up, people yell,

Wow, it's the Stoner Twins!

And we're like, Yeah!

Yeah.

This reminds me of our trip to Spain.

Yeah, our trip to Spain.

- Which one?

- With the hookers.

No, not that one.

- Sure, the sick hooker!

- Zip it!

What's this about a sick hooker?

He never told you?

Nora, what you need to know is,

just before we left,

his grandmother died.

Shut the f*** up!

Too late.

Whaddya mean?

So, Ruben says to me,

I'm gonna pop my cherry on Granny's dime.

A kinda tribute.

Nasty!

- Quit while you're ahead.

- Let him talk!

I take him to the red-light district,

where I knew a great little place.

What? Nothing.

This dork picks

the whore with Delhi belly.

She puked her paella on his dick.

On his dick?

On his dick!

A**hole!

Don't throw sh*t at me!

F*** me!

Let's hear it!

Hey, blondie!

Who is that guy?

That's Ulysse.

Anthony Bourdain, he's not!

He has a dick bulge.

We have one in track pants.

He has one in jeans!

Absolutely, no sh*t!

I'm 5 mins late, Nora,

and it's going off.

Sorry, Ulysse. Apologies.

C'mon, let's bounce!

Grab your bikes.

Those aren't ours.

Don't bust my balls.

If you take them, they're yours.

Grab your bikes.

Like a caress!

I'm getting the perfect dose of breeze.

The speed-to-breeze ratio

is just ideal.

- Feel it?

- You are so blazed.

C'mon, all of you, do like me!

You feel it?

Amazing town, so many bikes.

Are we in Amsterdam or what?

Ruben...

Guide's weird, isn't he?

What's his rating on TripAdvisor?

Dunno.

But I'm on a real trip advisor!

F***!

You can all go f*** yourselves

In fact you can all drop dead

Tonight on Shithouse Idol...

In any case,

I'll wind up in the gutter

Amos, quit acting the clown.

I'm here on business.

Souleymane.

Amos, look after him.

Where you going?

I was carrying all that.

This is whack!

Don't worry.

Don't we always do a great job?

Hold on. It's not weed?

Who said it was weed?

Usually, with Mishka...

Exactly. Do as usual.

Can we move the cats?

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