Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties Page #3

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[gunshot]

-Crikey!

-[gasps]

The man's got a cannon!

And he's pointing it at us!

We're sitting ducks!

Careful, sir.

You wouldn't

want to injure

the creatures,

would you?

Run away!

Of course not.

That would make me

some kind of monster,

wouldn't it?

By the way, Smithee,

I've a little errand

for you.

Could you go to London

and pick up my new suits

at Willoughby's?

Oh, very good, sir.

Pull!

[announcer speaking

indistinctly on TV]

Can you imagine

taking a nap on that table?

Just lie there

for hours and shed.

In other news today, the

queen's corgis, Milly and Tillie,

returned from their world

cruise with the queen,

aboard Her Majesty's yacht.

The animals are said

to have suffered

a mild seasickness,

but now are back to eating

the finest calf's liver.

Oh, boy.

Must be sweet.

"My tummy's upset.

May I have some liver?"

Boy, I wish Jon was a queen.

-[knocking]

-MAI D:
Housekeeping.

Okay, blockhead, time

to bust out of here

and catch up with Jon.

First, let's

grab some chow,

before I eat your liver

with some fava beans

and a nice Chianti.

Sorry, we left

a bit of a mess

in the bathroom.

Thanks.

All right,

keep your eyes peeled

for a goofy-looking

guy with a map.

They're not up here.

I'm coming down!

GARFIELD:

Hup, hup, hup, hup!

Hee-yah!

Jon? Jon? Jon?

Where's Waldo?

Take the picture.

Take the picture.

Take it! Take it!

Take the picture!

[guard shouts an order]

GUARD:

Halt!

Right face!

GARFIELD:

Excuse me.

Did you see

a couple of people

who look like

they might be tourists?

Oh, I know this drill.

They won't crack up,

no matter what you do.

Hey, Freeze-Frame,

your knee's on fire.

Hmm. I know

I can get this guy.

No, seriously,

your zipper's down.

Hey, Dry Goods.

[blubbering]

Yeah.

Anybody ever tell you

you look like Tina Turner?

That was effective.

COACHMAN:

Her Majesty, the Queen of England!

GARFIELD:

What's all the hubbub?

GUARD:

Attention!

Hey, Odie, look,

it's those royal corgis.

Hey, lady,

you got any leftover liver?

Stuck-up little punk.

Oh, I know she heard us.

They had the top down.

Odie? Odie?

D'uh-oh! Odie, no!

Don't do the

ugly-American thing!

The British are coming!

The British are coming!

Well, you made him

crack anyway.

PRINCE:

Ew, disgusting!

It's so smelly down here.

I must get out.

Hello? Someone help a chap?

[grunting]

I'm in the sewer.

This is hopeless.

We'll never find Jon.

Face it, Odie:

Nobody cares

-whether we live or...

-[barking]

-[tires screeching]

-[screaming]

[sighs]

Prince, I've found you.

Oh, dear.

Why is it the weird ones

always go for the cat

and not the dog?

Odie, help, please.

-[whines]

-GARFIELD:
Is that a cologne

or a disinfectant, sir?

I just got you

a special treat:

Minced pie.

Odie, call a cop.

I mean, bobby or jimmy.

Never mind, Odie.

Don't bother.

There's a pie here.

I'll be just fine.

[barking]

[barking continues]

[whining]

[groans]

Dear heavens!

That was absolutely

the most horrifying...

But I'm alive.

I'm alive!

And... covered in filth.

Here, here.

I must return to my throne.

-[barking]

-What, ho?

Oh, indeed.

Seeing me in this state

must be shocking.

I've lost my bearings.

You must lead me with all due

haste to the castle at Carlyle.

But first, I require a bath.

-[sneezes]

-Here, come on.

Do you expect me to lick myself?

Garfield?!

Odie? Wh... What

are you doing here?

Garfield?

What the devil is a Garfield?

What am I going to

do with you guys?

Do you know how

bad I would feel

if I lost you here?

From now on,

I'm not letting you

out of my sight, okay?

Oh, dear heaven.

Why is it

the weird ones

always go for the cat

and not the dog?

Oh! Bath time

for you, buddy.

Well, that's the best news

I've heard all day.

The dog's not

very bright, is he?

Where are you taking me?

Is it somewhere lovely?

Somewhere special?

Mmm!

Ah!

Hey, Mario Andretti.

You're drivin'

on the wrong side of the road,

and I've got an entire pie

in my stomach.

Don't worry, Prince.

You'll feel better when

we get back to Carlyle.

-[Rings]

-Oh, excuse me.

Yes, hello.

Hobbs here.

Ah, Hobbs,

this is Manfred Dargis here.

A terrible thing

has happened.

Prince is missing.

We've searched everywhere.

Prince is missing?

-BOTH:
Missing?!

-This is a rather sudden

development,

-don't you think?

-Well, actually, it's quite common.

In the absence, or in this

case, the death of an owner,

it can be quite

confusing and disorienting

to a cat I mean,

let's face it, they have brains

the size of a gum ball.

-[Dargis laughing]

-All the same,

this seems

rather fishy to me.

I don't particularly care

what it seems to you.

Legally,

since he is gone,

the title of the Carlyle estate

falls to me.

Am I not correct?

Uh, yes, very well.

Good-bye.

He's up to something.

He's got some plan

for the estate,

and I want to find out what.

Ah, Miss Abby

Westminster, I presume.

[chuckling]:

Lord Dargis, an absolute pleasure.

Hello.

DARGIS:

I'm so pleased you've shown

such an interest in

our little enterprise.

Well, my investors

are very interested.

Cheers, dear.

To a long-lasting

business relationship.

To Carlyle

Resort and Spa.

Allow me to introduce

you to my dream.

What's this?

State-of-the-art spa,

meditation garden

and, of course,

luxury condominium.

[chuckles]

But what of the woodland

and barnyard areas?

Allow me.

If you would...

Oh. Very clever.

No woodland,

no barnyard area.

Whoosh gone!

So what will you do

with all the animals?

Let's just say

those we don't chase off,

we will serve up

to the guests.

[cackling]

I must alert the others

at once.

GARFIELD:

Bus driver, pull it over.

I got a pie belch coming

that might break your windows.

[loud belch]

[squawking]

Ah.

Come on, Prince.

Yeah, yeah,

I used to be known as Prince.

Now you can just call me

Ga...

...arfield.

Wow.

Get a load of this dump.

Thanks.

No pet door, huh?

Holy cow, I can

hear my footsteps.

Mom?! Dad?!

I'm home!

Your Highness.

You talking to me, froggy?

It's me,

your trusty servant,

-Winston.

-Hey.

Warning:

I don't fight fair.

I scratch, and I bite.

It's all right, sire.

All is well now.

You're home.

-Home?

-[chuckles]

What, retirement home?

Happy home?

Where, uh,

what is this?

Is this an insane asylum?

Am I being kidnapped?

[laughs]

Very funny, sire.

Your loyal subjects

await you.

They need to be comforted

by your words.

Hey, trust me,

windbag, there's no way

I'm going to give a speech

to a bunch of strangers.

And then, of course,

following your words,

a royal feast.

I think I'm just going to do

a tight two minutes.

See if that

will calm them down, okay?

Oyez!

Oyez!

Prince the 12th

has returned.

[quacking fanfare]

Thank you, windbag,

for that slobbering

introduction.

Hello, everybody!

GARFIELD:

Hey.

-Listen up.

-Ooh.

Is this an audience

or a landscape?

Okay. Great to

be back here

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