Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties Page #4

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at the palace.

I look out and I see

a sea of dumb

barnyard animals.

I'm here in your country

to break up a romance

between, uh, you know,

the guy who owns the house

I live in and a girl who

is way out of his league.

I know that whatever it is

that you have,

there is some sort of affliction

that produces this glazed look

behind your eyes,

I hope you defeat it.

I wish I could take every one

of you home with me.

Thank you.

I killed.

WI NSTON:

Very funny, sire. Well done.

I didn't realize

it was amateur hour.

What's up with Prince?

Oh, he's on the catnip again.

Hold on, chaps!

Have I got news for you!

What's the word, Claudius?

Dargis is going to bulldoze

the barnyard

and feed us to the tourists.

Let him try.

He'll have to deal

with these fists of fury,

won't he, eh?

-Well, that's dreadful.

-[excited chattering]

Calm yourselves, everybody.

We're all right

as long as Prince is alive.

Well, obviously that feline is

not Prince, you idiots.

He's not even the cat

formerly known as Prince.

NIGEL:

He's right, you know.

Wait, he doesn't have to be

Prince.

He just has to

look like him.

If he fooled me,

he'll fool them.

But what's to stop Dargis from

getting rid of this cat, too?

McBunny is right.

We must protect this cat

at all costs.

Our fates rely on it.

JON:

Mr. And Mrs. Jon Arbuckle.

-Liz Arbuckle.

-[Prince grunting]

Elizabeth Arbuckle.

Yeah.

Listen, you dolt.

There's been a coup d'etat.

Attempted murder most foul.

I am Prince the 12th

of Carlyle.

You there, with the wise

and thoughtful look.

Hello.

Convince this man

there's been a mix-up.

JON:

Garfield, I want you to be in my wedding party.

Wedding party?!

Think you can hold a basket

of flowers in your mouth?

Enough with the grooming, you dunce.

My subjects face

mortal jeopardy.

Dog, approach.

We must plan my escape,

and I'm relying on your

expedience and cunning.

[Odie growling]

PRINCE:

Okeydokey.

New plan.

[Odie whimpers]

GARFIELD:

Call my pumpkin, windbag.

I'm ready to roll.

WI NSTON:

Roll? Where to?

You know,

to the hotel, to Jon.

Your master, the one who's

leaving you for his new wife?

He's not leaving me.

It's more of a...

temporary insanity thing.

Garfield, your master's

started a new life.

It's time

for you to begin yours.

Come on, I want to show

you something.

Do have any idea what runs

through your veins?

Yesterday's dinner,

I guess.

Royal blood, sire.

You are the long-lost heir

to the Carlyle throne.

[chuckling]

You kill me.

These are your ancestors,

dating back 400 years.

GARFIELD:

Mine?

Wow.

Like, I'm a royal cat?

Well, of course.

And anything you need is

only a flick of your tail away.

A flick of my tail, huh?

So, if I said, drool

on your foot...?

-[Winston panting]

-GARFIELD:
Not bad.

How about roll over

and whistle "Dixie"?

[whistling]

How's that?

Nice. All right.

Tough one:
Jump up

and touch the ceiling.

[grunting]:

How's that, sire?

You don't get up

there too high

there, do you, fella?

I give you your royal

bedchamber.

GARFIELD:

I could do some snoozing here, yeah.

Even a king needs a catnap.

Get up!

Get down.

Get up!

This baby is spring-loaded.

Why do you think

they call me...

[echoing]:

Highness...?

Are you all right? Sire?!

[grunts]

The royal trapeze?

That is how you ring, sire.

You pull it

whenever you require something.

-And what is that?

-Your playhouse.

Oh, I needed a playhouse.

I've got a house

inside of a house.

Does this castle make

my butt look a little too big?

Fits you like a glove.

[farts]

-Ooh! Blimey.

-Pardon.

Well struck, sire.

Good tone, smooth finish.

Well, you took that

in the best spirit, didn't you?

Shall we have a look

in the kitchen?

Did I hear you say...

the kitchen?

[overlapping conversations]

Here we are.

I present your cookery.

All mine?

Every morsel,

down to the last crumb.

Okay. All right.

You can just call me...

Your Highness.

[Garfield and animals singing]

[singing continues]

[singing continues]

[singing continues]

[singing ends]

Yeah, you can just drop

that anywhere.

[body thuds]

[tray clattering]

GARFIELD:

All right, I'll give it to you straight:

It's disappointing.

Your doughnuts are dry

and don't have

holes in them,

and your coffee's so weak,

it looks like tea.

I don't suppose,

Miss Westminster,

you could find time

in your busy life

for a wealthy duke.

[giggling]

Lord Dargis,

I'm afraid I'm taken.

As I am myself...

by you.

[laughs]

Oh, don't mind me.

I'm just an

incorrigible old...

-Cat!

-What?

Nothing, nothing.

Nothing at all,

nothing at all.

Gosh, is that

the time already?

Time, I've

always said,

flies like an arrow.

Don't be afraid

to just show up

and bring some

of those investors

those lovely investors.

We'll throw a party.

Cheerio!

Ah... Smithee, d-did

I see Prince in here?

Isn't it remarkable?

I found him wandering

the streets of London

as I left Willoughby's.

Indeed.

Extraordinary.

And where is

the little fiend...

[clears throat]:

Fellow at the moment?

Oh, I'm sure

I don't know, sir.

Well, I'll maybe take

a little look-see, hmm?

Make him welcome.

Yes, sir.

Look at this room,

for example.

Uh... how would you

liven this place up?

But, sire, this castle

is centuries old.

GARFIELD:

It's a museum.

It's boring.

And you know what's missing

when your crib is a museum?

It's called fun!

Fun?

It's not that hard.

You got to get

a running start

at something

this dull.

Who-o-o-o-o-o-a!

This is gonna end so badly.

[screaming]

Oops.

It was already cracked.

[laughs]:

Nothing escapes you,

does it, sire?

Yeah. I like

the way this feels.

You just slide, baby!

Whoa...!

D'uh-oh!

Don't worry about it.

That one was cracked as well.

Oh, I can relax.

Oops!

What the...? Ooh! Oof!

Smithee!

Get this thing off of me!

All right, let's go try

another room.

Good idea, sire.

MR. HOBBS [on phone]:

Yes, yes.

I've got the deed and

the paperwork in order,

and I've contacted

the other solicitors.

We'll be out there on Monday.

Monday?

But... but I need more time.

More time?

More time for what?

Oh... n-n-nothing. Nothing.

That'll-that'll be fine.

Oh, very well,

we'll be there Monday,

unless, by some miracle,

Prince returns.

We can only hope, Mr. Hobbs.

[screaming]

What's the news?

Dargis is sure to make a move

on the cat.

The solicitors

will be here Monday.

Right. Good work.

GARFIELD:

Careful.

That's high-grade

American cardboard

you're tossing

around there.

Beautiful, fellas.

Hang the plasma

right over the

Slip 'N Slide.

Sire, a word.

Jowls, my man.

Guess what your

enlightened,

all-powerful ruler

has brought

to the castle?

Oh, I can't wait to hear this.

Don't tell me.

A Renaissance painting.

Foosball, you know?

Foosball!

F-F-F-Foosball?

What does he think this is,

a pub?

Just because we don't

have opposable thumbs

doesn't mean we

don't play bar games.

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