Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties Page #5

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Yes, sire, but I feel

your life is in danger.

Listen, Winnebago

if I may call you that

when history

speaks of me,

and she will, I want

to be remembered

as the "Party Prince."

As you wish.

You chaps know me

I'm no snob.

Right? But this cat is too much.

[scoffs]:

He's an embarrassment to our whole way of life.

Oh, he's a disgrace

to the furry race.

"My pillow isn't soft enough.

My TV remote won't work."

Don't get your knickers

in a twist.

I know he's a pain in the neck,

but we just got to keep him

safe till Monday.

[quacking fanfare]

GARFIELD:

Yeah. My loyal

and fragrant subjects, please.

Thank you.

Briefly, I

hate Mondays.

Just hate 'em.

Therefore, I decree,

from this day forward,

there will be no more Mondays.

-What?

-What?

Got it? Today is Tuesday, then.

Happy Tuesday, everybody.

Yeah, I think he's lost it.

Like I said,

we just got to keep him safe

till Tuesday.

Hello, Rommel.

Ah-ha-ha!

I have a present for you.

Prince's favorite pillow.

[barking, snarling]

Sniffy, sniffy, Rommel.

Sniffy, sniffy.

Ooh, bad pillow. Ooh!

Kill kitty.

Kill kitty.

[snickering]

Oh, what a clever boy.

Eat the cat.

Yum, yum, yum.

I think you're ready.

Uh-oh, here comes trouble.

Eat the pussycat.

There's a good chap.

Operation Feline Protection

under way.

I'm on it. Hoo-hoo!

Yeah, yeah.

[barking]

Oops.

Bon apptit.

Here, kitty, kitty.

Come to Rommel.

Where are you,

my little furry friend?

Hello, Rommel.

Eat kitty.

No, no kitty, Rommel.

But we have something

better to chew on.

No kitty?

That's right:
No kitty.

Bring Lord Dargis's

new trousers, please.

Pig, the trousers!

Uh, trousers.

Thank you, Sam.

And now, Rommel,

how about

a nice tug of war?

Yeah.

Ooh! Lord Dargis

better watch out

next time

Rommel's on the loose.

[snarling]

[whistling]

Hello, Smithee.

You're in good spirits today,

sir.

Yes. For some reason I feel

a great burden has been lifted.

A burden, sir?

What do you make of

my new suit, Smithee?

Hmm?

Oh, very smart, sir.

Oh, Smithee, I've invited Miss

Westminster for tea on Monday,

and it's extremely important

she feel welcome.

Why don't you bring up a bottle

of the very best champagne?

And set out

the Prince Royal china,

silver service.

You know the type of thing.

Very good, sir.

[whistling]

ROMMEL:

Uh, trousers.

DARGIS:

Yes, I'd like to speak

to Miss Westminster, please.

Hello, Rommel.

Did we enjoy

our little snack, then, hmm?

Trousers.

Ah, Miss Westminster...

Trousers!

Care to pop over

and have a little...

[screaming]

RUGBY FAN 1:

Oggy! Oggy! Oggy!

RUGBY FANS:

Oi! Oi! Oi!

Oggy! Oggy! Oggy!

FANS:

Oi! Oi! Oi!

[all cheering]

-LIZ:
Isn't this fantastic?

-JON:
Yeah.

Who ordered the pasta?

-Oh, it's for the kitty.

-Oh, good Lord.

What gruel is this?

[barks]

Quite right, old boy.

They must have given me yours.

Garfield, since when

do you say no to lasagna?

You do realize I'm a cat,

don't you, sir?

You know, he doesn't

seem like himself.

He's probably

just a little jet-lagged.

I suppose I should probably

force down a bite or two

to keep up my strength.

Oh. It does have

a unique texture.

So, Liz, I don't know

if you've noticed,

but I've been

kind of anxious to, um...

[fans shouting]

[laughing]:

Why am I clapping?

I'm sorry.

What were you saying?

PRINCE:

Oh, spot on.

Never have I tasted its equal!

Oh!

Oh, Garfield,

that's gross!

[laughing]

Please, sir,

may I have some more?

Oh! Does a Great Dane live here?

It's a Carlyle log, my lord:

A savory of liver and spleen

served in a sleeve

of sheep's intestines.

And you're supposed to eat it?

What is this, "Fear Factor"?

Intestines? Spleen?

I'm the king, right?

Prince, actually.

Same difference.

I rule, yes?

WI NSTON:

Yes, Your Highness.

Great. Then feed this

to the humans

and just bring me a piping hot

dish of lasagna, okay?

I'll see to it

at once, sire.

Now it says

we add the ricotta cheese.

Ducks!

You're supposed

to sift

the flour, not sit in it!

Don't yell at us.

We're not the ones who drank

all the cooking sherry.

[hiccups]

[singing]

Hmm. Carrots make

everything better,

and it can't hurt lasagna.

What the heck is...?

[egg splats]

That was close.

WI NSTON:

Now slip in the eggs,

ooze in the tomatoes.

Now stir the

whole thing up

in a bowl and let the bowl...

Okay.

You know what

I'm talking about.

Hold it

right here,

all you animals.

What goes on

here, Winston?

[laughs]:

We're preparing

the royal lasagna, sire.

Unless you prefer

another dish.

Did you say "dish"?

Lasagna's not

a dish, windbag.

It's a way of life,

a state of being.

Man's one perfect achievement.

What did the Indians serve

to the Pilgrims?

Lasagna.

What did Marie Antoinette

scream to the rabble?

"Let them eat lasagna."

What did Neil Armstrong say

when he landed

on the moon?

"That's one small slice

of lasagna."

It's not a dish.

It's the stuff of dreams.

It's the food of the gods.

It's what's for lunch.

Yeah, well, the problem is,

it seems we've mucked it up.

You just need a little

guidance, that's all.

[fast-tempo,

surf guitar riff playing]

Where's the flour?

Who's got it?

[caws]

GARFIELD:

I need a mixing bowl.

One large mixing bowl.

GARFIELD:

And someone to mix it.

Thank you.

[sneezes, sputters, coughs]

Much obliged.

[group singing pop]

Sheba, did you remember

to wash your hooves?

Ladies... thank

you so much.

Strike. Strike. Strike.

A little outside.

Step on it,

will you?

I need that dough.

Yeah, we'll need

about a half a pound of this.

[squawks]:

What are barnyard animals

doing in the kitchen?

I demand you all leave at once.

This is completely against

my castle health code.

Getting hot in here.

Turn on the exhaust fan,

will you, somebody?

PRESTON:

What are you doing?

Get away from there!

[squawks,

then slams into grate]

GARFIELD:

Sorry!

Proof more accidents happen

in the kitchen

than any other room

in the house.

Hey, where did

that big ball of dough go?

All I see are magnificent

ribbons of perfection.

Yo, it's lasagna,

not shish kebab.

Taste that.

Is that too

sweet for you?

[grunting]

One time.

[grunts]

[group singing pop continues]

[laughing]

Whoa!

Here comes the parsley.

All right, bring it back.

Bring it in. Bring it in.

Bring it in.

Bring it back, back, back,

back, back, back, back, back. Good.

We need somebody

with a hard head.

Thank you.

[sighs]

It's out of

our hands now.

[inhales deeply]

[growling happily]

[animals exclaiming

with pleasure]

EENI E:

This lasagna's fabulous!

Oh!

That's a bit of

all right, that is.

Those Italians got it right,

didn't they?

Mmm! Oh!

Two cheeses.

That is delicious!

Yeah, not bad on short notice.

It's beautiful!

What'd I tell you?

If you'd just let me be your

king and lead you, all right?

Any more?

CHRISTOPHE:
Oh, one more piece.

-EENI E:
Oh!

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