Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties Page #6

---

-Would anyone mind if I...?

-I, CLAUDI US:
It's mine!

-DALMATIAN:
I would!

-I, CLAUDI US:
Move!

-WI NSTON:
Easy, easy!

-Hold up a moment!

-NIGEL:
I said it's mine!

That piece has

Nigel's name on it.

Uh-oh.

[all arguing]

Please, I command you.

[glass smashing]

Leave room for dessert.

DARTS ANNOUNCER [over TV]:

Here it is, one step...

A half-inch adjustment

from his last shot!

Oh, nearly!

Oh, heavens, I fear

there was something urgent

to which I was supposed

to attend,

and yet I can't for the life of

me begin to recall what it was.

[giggles]:

You really like it?

I do. It's great.

Thank you.

Let me see.

I got to go.

Are you sure I

can't go with you

to this castle

tour thing?

They won't mind.

It's a Conservancy function

for speakers only.

I guess the woman

who owned the place

was a big animal lover.

You hang with the guys.

Odie could use a walk,

and Garfield could use...

...some serious ab work.

Anyway, I'll be back soon.

Have fun, boys.

My entire world seems to

revolve

around napping,

television and lasagna.

Still, I'm plagued by a vague

notion of a duty unfulfilled.

Oh, well.

Back to sleep.

What is it, woof-woof?

"Castles of England"?

Good Lord!

There it is!

Carlyle Castle

on the Upper Thames.

Oh, brilliant, Odie.

All this time, I took you for...

well, a complete simpleton.

Now destiny calls.

To the battlements!

Sound the horns!

For king and country!

Farewell, my loyal squire.

The legend cont...

[gasps]

What, ho!

[screaming]

Garfield?

Okay, sore bottom, a little

disoriented, but undeterred.

Garfield!

Now, which way is the river?

[sniffing]

I think this way.

JON:

Garfield!

Sorry, Jon.

Oh, here it is.

Now one needs

some kind of conveyance.

-[horn tooting]

-Oh, hello.

Oh, it's an awfully long way

down, but I must,

and I shall, and I...

[screaming]

Ow.

Well, Miss Westminster,

I have the papers

all drawn up.

We need only sign them,

and it's on to

the ground breaking.

Oh, that's wonderful.

I would like to move forward

as soon as possible.

Just think.

Bulldozers, paving machines

busily transforming this dump

into beautiful luxury condos.

You and I striding

through centuries of dust

like giants surveying

our emerging empire.

Two proud parents.

I-I'll just check on Smithee.

See if tea is ready.

-[quacking]

-[barks]

Filthy monsters!

Come back here,

you smelly creature!

Come here!

Pigs, mark your man!

[Grunting]

Come here,

you smelly individual!

[Squeals]

You know what?

I got two words for that guy.

"You're fired."

If only it were

that simple, sire.

[clucking]

Swine!

Is there a problem, sir?

Is there a problem?

There's a bull drinking

my champagne,

the pool's full

of wild animals,

and a pig just

tried to kill me.

Yes! I would say

there was a problem.

I'll tend to it, sir.

You'll tend

to it immediately!

And we'll have tea indoors.

Do you think you

could handle that?

Thank you.

There's a good chap.

Oh!

Has there been an accident?

I'm afraid tea will have to wait

till later, Miss Westminster.

Oh.

[chattering]

He's about 42

and a half pounds.

He has orange fur,

more like a burnt sienna.

And he answers

to the name Garfield.

I-E-L-D.

[typing]

Okay,

well, fortunately, Scotland Yard

isn't very busy this week.

So, uh, we'll put together

a task force

and our best men

and, uh, turn all

our resources and attention

towards finding your fat cat.

Really?

No.

[whines]

-Come on, Odie.

-[barks]

[clanging]

Now, Rommel,

it's really quite simple.

Uh...?

Me... Prince.

Prince... me.

Provider of food...

Food.

Right, governor.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm!

Yum, yum.

Kill...

Kitty!

Attaboy, Rommel! There you go!

Well done!

That's the spirit!

Bad boy! Bad boy!

Go on, get along!

[groans]

Smithee.

How are you?

Do me a favor.

Have that polished.

There's a good chap.

So, what's on

your mind, Smithee?

Uh...

Mr. Hobbs's office called.

Are the solicitors

convening again, sir?

It's nothing at all,

Smithee.

Papers to sign.

You know boring.

Incidentally,

when did you

last have

a holiday, Smithee?

Holiday, sir?

I can't remember.

-Seriously, man?

-Mm.

What an embarrassing

oversight on my part.

I insist you have a week's

holiday, starting today.

Oh, I don't know.

I don't think...

Oh, Smithee, I won't

hear a word of it.

I can just see you

cycling in the Dordogne,

fighting the wild boar

in Tristan da Cunha.

Farewell, wind to your sails

and bon voyage, Smithee.

Well, then...

thank you... sir.

[indistinct conversations]

JON:

What am I going to do?

How am I supposed to find

Garfield?

-London's really... big.

-[Odie barks]

I don't care about some

alien love baby, okay?

I'm worried about Garfield.

[barks]

Odie, you know what?

You're being a real...

"Lady Eleanor of Carlyle

has left her entire estate

to her beloved cat,

Prince the 12th."

Maybe someone mistook this cat

for Garfield.

Odie, come on.

Come on, buddy!

The Venetian crystal chandeliers

in this room were commissioned

by the Third Earl of Carlyle

in the late 18th century.

Over here, we have several

family portraits painted

by the Dutch master

Van Dyck.

These are amongst

the many treasures

to be found at Carlyle.

[singing]

-PRESTON:
Oh, hogwash!

-Huh?

I tell you, this cat is

mocking us at every turn.

WI NSTON:

Preston, calm yourself.

We're only doing what is

best for everybody.

PRESTON:

How much longer must we sustain this charade?

I can't believe this cat

is so stupid as to think

he's actually royalty.

Well, he does, and house cat

or not, we need him.

Wha...? House cat?

Just have a little patience.

Patience? Ha!

Admit it, Winston.

This buffoon couldn't groom

the paws of a real king.

Buffoon?!

[acoustic guitar plays

sad melody]

##

##

Golly, this is without a doubt

my all-time crummiest moment.

Huh?

Jon.

Man, I've been such

a stupid, selfish cat.

[sniffling]

I've lost my friend.

I've got to find him.

The original medieval kitchen

has stood

on this site since 1485...

Yes, yes, it's big.

It's old and it's musty.

Uh, Lord Dargis, uh,

please meet the tour group

from the Royal

Animal Conservancy.

Oh! By all means,

save the little darlings.

That's my motto.

Big fan of Free Willy,

Born Free,

all the Free movies.

Bravo! Now off you go.

If you come this way,

we'll visit some of the

underground passages,

one of which...

Hello. Welcome to

Carlyle Castle, my dear.

Thank you.

It's, it's beautiful.

Well, that makes

two of you.

Did I mention how much

I abhor fox hunting?

Unless, of course,

in self-defense.

-Bye.

-If I may...

Uh, one question, uh...?

Liz.

Ah, the same as our own

dear queen. Cordial?

-One question, Liz.

-Liz?

What would you say

if I were to donate

one of my priceless

oil paintings

to your conservancy?

Um... Thank you?

Mm! But how

would you say it?

That royal sleaze

is hitting on Liz.

Perhaps you would consider

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote